in wanting to have a quickie private wedding?

[twinsetandpearls]

I have been with dp for about 4 years and we want to get married, dp is hoping this will lead the way to me wanting to become a baby making machine, I just ant to be married.

I just don't want lots of fuss, having been married before I can't have a church wedding so to me the day will just be a formality, it is the husband I want the day is not important. I have also been married before and had an embaressingly huge wedding that ended in divorce before they year was out, I don;t want people sat at my wedding comapring it to the last or thinking here she goes again. I was hoping we could just nip to the registy office one afternoon, grab a few witnesses and getit over and done with.

I thought dp would be in agreement with me as he hates a fuss being made over him and he hates spending money even more. He however wants a big wedding whch we can';t afford as he think it would be unfair on dd as she would want to be a bridesmaid at our wedding. I just think it is ridiculous to plan our wedding day around a five year old's fairytale fantasies.

Dp also thinks I will regret not having my family there but to be honest I really don;t think they or I will care and to be honestI donlt think they want to sit through another wedding.

x posts. Oh, okay. Good.

I have been forgiven for my mistakes but I know that by living with dp when I am technically still married I am comitting the same sin willingly and therefore when I go to confession I don;t mean it when I say sorry, that is why I can't take communion.

What is it that you really want? What kind of marriage would have real meaning and value to you? (And to your dp, of course.)

THatis idealy what I want, a civil wedding until I am strong enought to do the annulment. I can then get a blessing, but I can't get that blessing until I have the annulment.

oh, you Catholics! I love you all so much but you do exasperate me!

WEll not to me it isn't shit. I made vows to god, whatsmore I made vows that I did not mean and knew I could not keep. I have ended those vows with the law but not God.

sauce I exasperate myself!

That sounds like a good plan. Can I come?

A marraige that would have the ultimate meaning to me is one blessed by my church but for a while that is not possible.

A wedding day sanctioned by the law alone means nothing to me but the marriage would mean a lot to me and the world to dp.

I understand, twinset.

And when you're stronger, you can have that.

so should I hang on for the day when I am strong enough for the annulment, but that could be years, whatif it never comes?

Do I have a cicil ceremony as a stepping stone for my church blessing if that ever happens.

Or do I give up.

What is the hurry?

i would say civil, then take it from there. However it is your day. Dont do anything you are not comfortable with

what if, what if...

TSAP - you can get a convalidation once your annulment comes through. DH and I had a civil service with a few close friends then had a convalidation a few years later. It was exactly the same as a Catholic wedding service otherwise - complete with vows, readings etc. I understand where you are coming from with regards to getting married before God.

If you do consider doing convalidation after a civil service, don't pay too much attention to American websites - some of them say that you have to declare your previous (civil) marriage invalid. Our priest said that was nonsense and was much more understanding (although I think he just liked performing weddings).

I havent read all the thread so sorry if I am repeating wht others have said.

dh and I had both been married before and done the big white wedding thing, we were engaged when dd1 was born and decided that we were going to have a registry office wedding with our dd and our two witnesses. It was absolutely lovely, very personal and felt very much about us.

Our DD had a beautiful dress and I agree with others suggestions that if you go out and get your daughter a very special dress etc she will feel like a princess

to me a wedding should be about the people marrying not any one else, all to often the whole meaning and importance of the actual wedding gets lost and forgotten.

what ever you decide to do I hope you enjoy your day

TSAP I'm thinking why don't you have a "registry office" style wedding (the 3 of you plus witnesses) in another Christian denomination whereby God can be included in the service, you can be prayed with etc and then pursue your annulment when you are strong enough too. Plenty of ministers out there would probably be very enthusiastic about marrying you and sympathetic to the catholic church stance on it.

I just think it would let dd be the bridesmaid you can make your vows before God (which is important to you) but you could celebrate again when you marry in a catholic church. You may even find your priest supportive of this on the quiet??? God is for marriage the Catholic church has bound itself up in red tape over this one.

Just my thoughts - I think it is more important for you to be spiritually happy about the decision IYSWIM and tbh a reg office just doesn't really offer that if you have a christian faith IME.

Can you compromise ? Afterall it is a day for both of you.

We had a very small wedding in a registry office, spent near to nothing as my mum (a florist) did all the flowers and we had our party afterwards in a fab Italian restaurant and then went to my mum's house until evening.

Only very close family and a few friends were invited.

I can't stand pomp, I am an atheist, so no way would I have a church wedding. Dh is the same, not religious, so not an issue for either of us.

We were both very happy, then we honeymooned in Barcelona a month later. We spent MORE money on the honeymoon than the wedding, which is how it should be IMO.

hello again twinset. I was thinking about you this afternoon & realised that dh & I had 2 weddings. One in June, which was a civil ceremony (required by law in Switzerland) and the 2nd in October, in the local CofE church. They were both amazing weddings. The religious one was much like any normal church wedding but the civil one was quite special in its way. It took place on the day Beckham got sent off during the 1998 world cup, which dh & I watched in a champagne and romance induced haze later that day. Anyway, we got married in the morning, just my mother & stepfather, our witnesses and a few close friends. Very simple but lovely. Dh and I each chose something to say to each other & although I can't remember what I said, dh spoke the words of Beethoven's 9th symphony. I wore a navy blue and white suit & a massive hat & carried a small bouquet. Afterwards we had a marvelous lunch outdoors in a top-notch restaurant overlooking Lac Léman. We all ate well, laughed a lot & got nicely sauced. hth. xx

CarGirl I just could not marry in a church of another denomination,it is so hard to explain but it would just be so painful.

sauce that sounds lovely.