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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say she has brought this on herself?

299 replies

GreenHairDontCare · 23/04/2017 21:52

Dd is 13. A couple of months ago at great expense I let her have the bottom half of her hair bleached blonde. It looked lovely.

Last week she phoned me from her friend's and said she was putting a wash out green dye on it. I told her not to as it would stain the blonde.

She did it anyway. She has spent the last week washing it with dandruff shampoo, baby shampoo, washing up liquid and today as a last try we did a vitamin c powder twice.

Somewhat predictably she still has bright green hair.

She goes back to school tomorrow. They are VERY strict. Natural hair colours only. She will likely be sent home. She is now (at nearly ten pm) having a screaming fit about it. I've told her that if they send her home I'll be marching her straight to the hairdressers to get it cut short. This is the worst thing that's ever happened to her apparently.

I'm leaving dh to deal with her. As far as I'm concerned this is her problem to sort out, I told her not to do it and told her it wouldn't wash out.

AIBU?

And does anyone have any suggestions, other than bleach which I'm trying to avoid?

OP posts:
BalloonSlayer · 24/04/2017 07:05

Good Gawd, my only advice here would have been to email the school and apologise and support any action they decided to take whilst promising to sort the colour asap at DD's expense. Not moan about the school having "silly rules" Hmm

Astro55 · 24/04/2017 07:07

I wouldn't cut it either

Teens care about this stuff

AprilSkies44 · 24/04/2017 07:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dumdedumdedum · 24/04/2017 07:08

MsGameandWatch - OP I'm glad you're helping her sort it. My parents were "you made your bed" types all through my teen years as many on here seem to be and gradually the bond between us just died away, I barely see them now."
This is the saddest thing I've read about the effects of poor parent/teen relationships (where there was no actual abuse involved, obviously).
OP, sorry, no real advice, though I'd go with the bun and sock today and see if she can get away with it long-term, otherwise, I'd get the green bits cut off by a hairdresser, as I would imagine that would do least damage to your DD's hair in the long run.

LooksBetterWithAFilter · 24/04/2017 07:14

Green takes FOREVER to fade. We had this with dd. Don't use colour b4 the green dye will be a wash out one and she may have to lose the blonde for a while until it all washes out. Don't put brown on it put red on it get a 28 wash one it should fade at the same speed as the green and the blonde will reappear.
Went through this last month with dd who had to get green out for a dance performance. Supposed to come out in 8-15 washes Hmm it didn't. This was the result of only going over the green bit at the bottom with a red dye to neutralise the green.
Now that's fading she is left with the blonde at the bottom.

To say she has brought this on herself?
user1492232552 · 24/04/2017 07:15

I have actually been dumped because he didn't like my hair - a 38 year old man that was lol
Nevermind my hot body, three degrees, fabulous parenting, witty sense of humour. The length/type of my hair was a deal breaker lol

Italiangreyhound · 24/04/2017 07:17

Please keep supporting her. She Wii know she can turn to you in a crisis.

SoupDragon · 24/04/2017 07:19

I am laughing at the pearl clutchers who are aghast at the OP paying £80 and allowing her DD to have dip dyed hair. I would let DD do it (although her secondary school are unlikely to allow it).

She was told not to dye it green, she was told why. She needs to deal with the consequences now and those appear to be dying it khaki or having it cut. There is no way on earth I would be paying for her to have it blonde again.

Hope you manage with the sock bun cover!!

Spudlet · 24/04/2017 07:27

If it's not too late, put it in a French plait then tuck the end of the plait up and under the bit on the back of her head and fix with many grips. Should hide the green bit.

This, I feel, will be a valuable lesson for her... And you will laugh about it (eventually!)

IHaveBrilloHair · 24/04/2017 07:36

I let DD do hers blue when she was 12, luckily her school dont care.
I can totally imagine the scenario in op's house though, sounds like mine, except not with hair

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 24/04/2017 07:39

I was going to say, earlier, that it does sort of serve her right for ignoring you and doing it anyway.
And yes, now she's having a massive strop about it because she KNOWS she's fucked up, she KNOWS she's in the wrong and you were right and that is unutterably galling to her.

So, while I wouldn't be inclined to particularly cut her any slack, I would definitely still help her out of the hole she's dug herself.
But she has to be reasonable - the green is NOT going to wash out so she has to choose - either lose the length entirely by cutting it back to the natural colour, or have it dyed brown to cover the green using the excellent tips here. She doesn't have a 3rd option, unless she wants to be wearing a sock bun for the rest of the term, and the teachers might want to see why at some point (No reason why they should unless they're particularly militant and nasty, but you never know).

If I were her, I'd go for keeping the length and putting the red dye in to cover the green. I had my hair cut from similar length up to my ears in one hit because my grandmother (who actually cared about me and should have known better) told my mum that my hair was all breaking on top because it was too long - rubbish, actually - and I sobbed my way through that. Never had it cut short again, ever.

But she does need to face up to the consequences of ignoring your sound advice, however, rubbing her face in the fact that you were Right and she was Wrong is not going to improve relations between you (I'm sure you're not doing this deliberately but she'll still feel that way). So give her the straight choice - colour or cut, no other option now. And good luck.

Gwilt160981 · 24/04/2017 07:44

Get her to the hair dressers or get some boxed hair dye nearest natural hair colour and refuse to dye it blonde again.

nursy1 · 24/04/2017 07:53

My second youngest did similar at 15. - whole head very bright ginger. I phoned pastoral head ( school rule was - nasy natural range of hair colours). She gave her a week to fix it. Cost me a fortune for colour correction which toned it down. Took it our of her pocket money. She's now a art student with a bright red ombré.

TheFirstMrsDV · 24/04/2017 08:03

THis thread is bonkers.
Who knew so many weirdly judgemental posts could be lobbed at a mother over such a trivial issue I did

I think moaning at op for indulging her child with an £80 hair style but then suggesting she let the poor dear throw a sickie to get her hair sorted is hilarious.

13 year old does something daft
Mum sorts it out as best she can, when she can.
13 learns not to dye bleached hair and expect it to wash out.

AnArrowToTheKnee · 24/04/2017 08:12

Where the heck are you lot living that haircuts are cheap? Costs me bloody £40 a pop, and that's without any dying or fancy styling! Bloody annoying when DH and DS1 together costs under £20 Angry

At this point she'll have to have it cut, you're not going to shift green and it definitely won't go back to blonde. She'll just have to live with a bob until it grows back.

FeedTheSharkAndItWIllBite · 24/04/2017 08:24

I don't think a bun would have worked, will it? She would have ended with a green bun...

But, I agree with pp, a french braid and tucking the end under it would probably work...

After that. Well, I assume she has some pocket money? I think she could either spend that on one of those super cheap hairdresses (they should be able to give her a cute "lob") or a packet of brown hair dye...

I personally don't think the OP was especially harsh. There are no additional punishments or anything. Just consequences for not listening to her mother or doing what said mother suggested (doing something about it. And not just a day before the holiday ends....)

HarrietKettleWasHere · 24/04/2017 08:25

Is it really such a trauma to have your hair cut and lose a bit of length? She's not Sampson, presumably. It'll be fine. It might look great on her. People seem weird about having slightly shorter hair Confused

Anyway ages icky 13. She doesn't (clearly) have the emotional maturity to sort this out on her own or be very rational about it. She's probably nervous about going into school and facing a barrage of questions about why her hair is green! No it's not ideal and she shouldn't have done it. I'd be inclined to go a bit softer in her though to help her find a solution.
13 is young still.

FeedTheSharkAndItWIllBite · 24/04/2017 08:26

And I don't understand why so many people are this judgemental.

Yes, they spent what may be to many mumsnetters too much for the dip dye. (and the OP does explain that she initially thought it was just 40...)

But the daughter knew about that and still played around with her hair. Despite being told not to.

I personally think DD has most likely some pocket money/Christmas money/Easter money or Idk what left. Probably enough for a boy of brown hair dye. And cutting off hair in a straight bob/"lob" is pretty easy. I'm sure the OP's mother can do that...

BowiesJumper · 24/04/2017 08:33

As previously mentioned, you need red over the top, not brown.

SoupDragon · 24/04/2017 08:55

I don't think a bun would have worked, will it? She would have ended with a green bun...

Depends how you do the bun I guess. I think the idea was to put a bun cover (cut off sock!) over it though.

Trills · 24/04/2017 08:59

^13 year old does something daft
Mum sorts it out as best she can, when she can.
13 learns not to dye bleached hair and expect it to wash out.^

I agree with MrsDV

Trills · 24/04/2017 09:01

To the one ridiculous poster who compared hair dye to underage sex.

The reason we should let 13 year olds have consequences for things like this is so that they get used to thinking ahead and dealing with consequences, with situations where the worst thing that can happen is not that bad.

Otherwise they get to 16 and have never faced a consequence before when the stakes are now potentially much higher.

Peanutbutterrules · 24/04/2017 09:04

I'd hide it in the sock bun but make her go to her tutor and explain what happened. She should ask if she can 'keep it' if it's hidden in a bun. I'm sure they'll say no, but then at least she's been made to own up.

That will be her dealing with it; and should make an impression on her.

Then cut, or redye if you don't think the whole process will ruin her hair.

To me, this comes under the heading of not 'taking care of expensive things'. She'd done something that she was told not to do and has ruined something that was expensive.

I'd also be pissed off at being ignored - so she phoned to ask, didn't get the answer she wanted, so went ahead anyway knowing the risks. She'd have a lot of extra chores in our house.

Sure it's standard teenage behaviour but it shouldn't be ignored anymore than standard toddler behaviour.

Doublemint · 24/04/2017 09:05

What happened this morning OP? Did you go for the bun with sock cover idea?

And what's the plan for the hair long term?

I may be a tad over invested in this!

FeedTheSharkAndItWIllBite · 24/04/2017 09:09

I may be a tad over invested in this!

Same. Plus, it takes me back to me dying my hair carrot red when I was 13 (with henna... But my hair really took the colour...)