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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say she has brought this on herself?

299 replies

GreenHairDontCare · 23/04/2017 21:52

Dd is 13. A couple of months ago at great expense I let her have the bottom half of her hair bleached blonde. It looked lovely.

Last week she phoned me from her friend's and said she was putting a wash out green dye on it. I told her not to as it would stain the blonde.

She did it anyway. She has spent the last week washing it with dandruff shampoo, baby shampoo, washing up liquid and today as a last try we did a vitamin c powder twice.

Somewhat predictably she still has bright green hair.

She goes back to school tomorrow. They are VERY strict. Natural hair colours only. She will likely be sent home. She is now (at nearly ten pm) having a screaming fit about it. I've told her that if they send her home I'll be marching her straight to the hairdressers to get it cut short. This is the worst thing that's ever happened to her apparently.

I'm leaving dh to deal with her. As far as I'm concerned this is her problem to sort out, I told her not to do it and told her it wouldn't wash out.

AIBU?

And does anyone have any suggestions, other than bleach which I'm trying to avoid?

OP posts:

altiara · 25/04/2017 20:03

Great update OP- stay zen!

Lovelymess · 25/04/2017 20:05

Way too young to have dyed it anyway. You should have said no, she hasn't bought it on herself she's only 13 and it probably is horrible for her!

toffeeboffin · 25/04/2017 20:34

Glad it all worked out OP.

kazmina10 · 25/04/2017 20:38

Leontine- I meant I'd said I didn't think it was a good idea, but she did it anyway, and faked Id at piercing shop... she's not allowed multiple piercings at school. Also some became infected. No big deal but required medical attention.

RiverTamFan · 25/04/2017 21:47

My only concern about the brown is how well it may or may not last!

DD bleached her hair for the summer holidays one year from medium brown and then dyed the bottom of it purple. Long story short, it took 5 boxes of dye to get an evenly brown colour again but about a year later the brown faded. It looks like she's dip dyed it blond so we've just left it! However when green is the colour lurking under the brown you may have a bit of a problem.

Scaredycat3000 · 25/04/2017 23:20

Glad it's all sorted. I used to bleach then dye a strip ether side of my head above my ears when I was in school, happy days.

Strygil · 25/04/2017 23:40

She was told what would happen, she made a choice and should be made to live with the consequences - and if the school sends her home you should co-operate with their policy. Most of the trouble we have in modern society is caused by childish people [aged 12 - 82] who think that the rules apply only to other people.

Ihaveabloodyheadache · 26/04/2017 00:05

Glad you got it sorted!
At 14 I was incredibly stupid and dyed my naturally blonde and thin hair dark purple. I looked like an idiot (I thought I looked cool!) and my mother went predictably absolutely bonkers.
The school also went bonkers because they had strict rules about hair dyes etc, I was sent home the first day and frog marched to the hairdresser who could do very little except agree I was an idiot.
In light of the fact it would take a good month of various things and several interesting colours to get anywhere near a natural colour, I was allowed back into school, but spent an entire month in isolation while it was sorted. Tbh I got off lightly, when school said I couldn't attend until it was sorted, my mum threatened to shave it all off, they then agreed to the isolation. Never home dyed my hair since and never will!/

RaqsMax · 26/04/2017 00:37

Wow. You spent £80 on tinting a 13-yr old's hair?! More money than sense....

ataraxia · 26/04/2017 06:51

Not sure why OP is getting a hard time over this. Sure, not all of us would spend that on a child's hair but she has explained that it was double what she was actually quoted (the original £40 is a fairly reasonable price for that amount of work and a hair do). Wouldn't go back to that place again; very disingenuous to add extra money for product and straightening without making this clear upfront.

13 year old was not only told not to do it, but why. She's old enough to understand and yet did it anyway. Knew the risk of consequences and got them. Shock horror!

OP hasn't said she won't spend on fixing it, but that she won't spend on a product that won't remove the green entirely, just will fade it - that's a reasonable assessment, school is not going to accept faded green any more than bright green.

Again, child is old enough to understand the risk, took risk, can and has consequences. She has options to choose from - go to school with green hair and accept punishment and/or have it dyed brown, have it cut.

If mum was unwilling to spend on the kid/not caring of kid's feelings, she would have insisted on cutting the hair of herself. Wouldn't this have happened to most of us in this scenario? The options the kid has are pretty reasonable.People are acting like mum isn't a skinflint and hasn't heard of brown hair dye. OP has made it clear that is the option but 13 yo is having a tantrum about losing the blonde hair. Probably shouldn't have dyed the blonde hair then, should she? Harmless lesson learned

Can understand the daughter being upset because she thought it would be fine and that she knew better than mum, but tantrum is too much for what's happened. It's not the end of the world and kid needs to choose least bad option for her. She has long hair so it will not be 'short' even when cut, or she goes back to brown and saves up to dye it again in the future.

SoupDragon · 26/04/2017 07:07

Wow. You spent £80 on tinting a 13-yr old's hair?! More money than sense....

No,perhaps she just has more money than you.

I bet there are things you spend money on that others think utterly stupid.

Blueink · 26/04/2017 08:16

If u didn't already, cut off the dyed hair part, its so long anyway, will grow back. YABU to have let her dye the bottom part - not 'natural colour' to have half a head bleached hair, already against her school rules. You're the mum, she's the kid, chalk it down to error of judgement on your part/waste of money

Kobieta · 26/04/2017 08:26

@GreenHairDontCare
Congratulations on, being a responsible parent - I'm sick to death of the Daily Fail parents complaining that there's nothing wrong with their kids' extreme hair cut or colour and that schools should be teaching not restricting kids' style choices.
Glad you have got it sorted - although I would probably point out to your daughter that several chemical treatments over a short space of time are going to do nothing to help the condition and feel of her hair.... so if the brown dye needs to be reapplied too frequently then it would be wise to trim the bottom.

Yummymummy159 · 26/04/2017 09:49

Try lemon juice and sitting in the sun or if you're daring enough get one of the live XXL blonde bleach/dye things from the shops, mix it with a bit of shampoo and bleach bath it that'll get anything out! Leave it on 20 mins or so and it'll be fab!

She has brought it on herself, I've always had lots of hilights/bleach blonde hair - one day I decided red as a post box would be the next big fashion - safe to say it was a horrible colour to try to get out 😂

SoupDragon · 26/04/2017 09:57

Read the thread! She's dyed it mahogany!

All is well.

CthulhusMum · 26/04/2017 10:28

I've had green hair for years, it will fade over time to a lighter green but is virtually impossible to remove as the cuticle will be stained, colour before won't do a thing I'm afraid. Putting it in a bun and covering it in a pretty bit of fabric will buy you time but re colouring hair is sometimes difficult as unless the dye is dark the green may show through and to go back to brown you have to add warm tones back in first or it can look weird.

moyesp · 26/04/2017 10:34

Bun best way covered with a scarf. Then on Saturday take her to the Hairdressers and explain if she wants to be a grown up so much she has to pay for the consequences and make her pay the hairdressers out of her weekly allowance. May deter her for next time.

Don't take the blame she's doing the classic deflection onto mum for you to sort out.

CEOD · 26/04/2017 14:14

Did you say 13? Do 13 year olds really go to hairdressers and get ombres?

Original poster

GreenHairDontCare · 26/04/2017 14:18

I'm guessing that all of you expressing shock don't have teenaged girls of your own?

OP posts:

MuvaWifey77 · 26/04/2017 14:24

Why not spray colour on top of the green? Or dye entire hair blonder. Sure a decent hair stylist can do it x

smilingontheinside · 26/04/2017 23:42

Sorry but i would take her to hairdresser (do it myself) and teach her a lesson but I'm a mean mom

Winniethepee · 27/04/2017 12:10

She made a mistake,is no doubt freaked out by it and needs some support......as well as severe talking to etc.....will hopefully be an amusing anecdote in time..............

Astro55 · 27/04/2017 12:18

I have teens - although they've not asked lots of girls have been to the hairdressers for this

Lots of friends also have eyebrow and leg waxing done

It's not unusual!!

moyesp · 30/04/2017 14:35

Severe hairdressers - yes. But it was the tantrums and deflecting blame onto mum that prompted it. Can all make mistake. I was thirteen once so most of us females who replied. But she must be taught actions have consequences. Learnt hard way bail outs fixing problems now will lead to expectations in later life and constantly blaming Dp's in order to 'force,' them into helping. So teaching early saves anx later on.

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