To say those who find Baby Showers ridiculous are moaning moos?

[GibraltarRocks]

By finding them ridiculous I mean finding them grabby/tacky.

P. S, if you don't like them because you're not for celebrating a baby arrival before they're safely delivered, that's different and not unreasonable at all.

The ones that invite everyone they can think of that'd go is very offish in my opinion, as with those who plan them themselves or add gift lists!

However, I think a lovely little baby shower with close friends/family, planned by someone else, is lovely and often quite fun I love celebrating someone's baby excitement!

A friend of mine had one after lots of infertility years. It was wonderful.

I hope someone does one for me Looking at you Mum

We had a headwetting after baby arrived. Less pressure to buy gifts, and i wasn't the focus of attention - baby was, which is as it should be!

Much more fun!
Far better than some dry, dull, silly-game playing, afternoon affair.
Baby showers (and the silly games) would be far more bearable if there were booze involved and why do they have to be in the afternoon?
The mother to be isn't sick or old, so there is no need for them to always be in the afternoon.

lela I think it's more that you are seen as good enough to fund expensive presents but not good enough to visit!

This bugs me.

I want to eventually see the newborn who I am buying presents for.
Preferably when it's still newborn (ish)
Not x amount of months later, when the latest ott advice of'the family unit must have time to bond with the baby is eventually up.

Sadly, I don't have many/any friends so my Mum organising one for me is a time that I know people I quite like but I'm not actually friends with can come and celebrate. Mostly Mum's friends who I quite like.

You probably shouldn't have added this tbh. Calling other people names when you are actively gift grabbing from near strangers takes it to a whole new level

So people who don't enjoy the same things as you are 'moaning moos' then OP? Gotcha.
I wouldn't have wanted one and wouldn't want to go to one. I did have a night out when I left work and my colleagues generously gave me a lovely present. No need for silly games or gushing over me for being pregnant though. People didn't really behave like that 30 years ago.

I wouldn't mind them if they were just a party - I do object to having to buy presents several times over (before, after, christening/naming)

I also don't give presents with the idea that it gives me rights in return. If I buy a present for a new baby, I don;t expect to be able to visit the baby immediately. I think the idea of descending on a new mum who may have painful stitches, Csection wound, be exhausted from battling with feeding, awake at all hours, generally feeling sore and run down, is utterly selfish. I would always wait until the parents said it was OK whether it was a week or a month or longer.

I'm buying a gift to welcome new baby, not a ticket to a viewing.

I orginaged onw for my friends becuase she had married in swcert so no wedding or hen do and apend a ton of money going to all ours so we had it at mine we made an aftwrnoon tea and her aister brought a fancy cake from her work. It was a total surpriae to her and a lovely thing to do but im glad no one elae had one as i have to travel toget to any of my good friends things so hens and weddings have cost me a fortune

Grabby tacky boring affairs are baby showers

What in the actual green hell is the shitty nappy game? Sounds very immature.

but i have made a plan, when and if my dd2 goes to university, I am going to throw a party, and people can bring her things she needs, ie cutlery, duvets.
has anyone thought of that yet?

Of course, we have in the US. High school graduation is a very big deal. And you don't even have to have a party for the stuff to start rolling in. Just send out invitations or announcements to the graduation, although parents do often give a party. Most gifts these days are monetary, however.

Been to one .. It was alright, few games (baby bingo, guess the amount of sweeties in a jar etc) and a nice buffet and cake . There was alcohol on sale as it was at a popular bar/gym/pool in Kent .

Aderyn except people not wanting visitors when baby is newly born is nothing to do with people being 'good enough' or not is it, and viewing it that way is colossally self involved. Having a baby, specially a first baby, is a major, huge physical and mental event, even assuming everything goes smoothly. It can be intensely traumatic and physically ruinous. There's nothing precious about wanting a bit of time to recover and bond as a family without having to fake normality for everyone who fancies popping round for a cup of tea and a squeeze of your new little one. It has nothing to do with ranking ones friends and family in order of 'good enough'ness. It isn't, actually, about them at all.

Lela, you don't need to lecture me about how hard it is to have babies. I have done it once or twice
Of course no one has a right to impose on a new mum with no consideration of how the birth went/how she feels. I like to think that most people are pretty tactful and considerate. I would 100% support a family in not wanting long visits/overnight guests or if things have gone badly, any guests at all.

Otoh, if you are close enough to people to ask them to buy you expensive presents (and however you dress it up, a shower is asking for gifts), then maybe you are close enough to welcome them into your home after the delivery.

YABU they are tacky and right up there with todays endless hen do's IMO. Personally I was too worried about whether the baby would arrive healthy and safely and I was fearful of jinxing it by buying too much stuff or even a pram until quite late on.

To me the idea of celebrating a baby before it has even arrived is just odd. My feelings are probably influenced by close family members that have lost a baby late on or had to deal with the unexpected trauma of having a very poorly baby. Just my experience but each to their own.

The presents don't have to be expensive.

I don't see how the two things are linked, Aderyn. My step mums cousin sent me a lovely gift for my new baby; i was grateful and sent her a thank you note. But would I have wanted her in my living room in the first two weeks, when I was recovering from an emergency c section, struggling to feed a tongue tied baby who was cluster feeding for hours at a time, and breaking down weeping about four times a day? Really no. I only wanted my partner and my baby and maybe my big sister. But hey, she spent money, so I guess that means I should have felt close enough to her to be cool with it...

It's not that buying gifts gives a person 'rights'. People should buy them because they want to, like your step mum's cousin. That is in a different category (for me anyway) than inviting people to an event specifically designed for them to buy you stuff and putting requests on a gift registry.
To me, if you ask people to buy you expensive stuff, then make them feel unwelcome to visit, then rightly or wrongly they might feel a bit used.

Only been to 2. Recently. Like them.

Yuck, really grabby, HATE them

I didn't want one personally, but have no issue with them. I always go when invited. Yanbu.

Just another excuse to ask people to buy you things. It's very sad IMO

I don't think the problem people have with them is that they are an American tradition but that they are an American tradition that conflicts with our English tradition of giving presents after the birth.

I do understand them in an American context, having to pay for medical bills, very short mat leave etc. But in the U.K. It just screams grabby to me.

Also my SIL had one, threw a strop because not enough of her friends came and "didn't even bother sending a present"

I do understand them in an American context, having to pay for medical bills, very short mat leave etc. But in the U.K. It just screams grabby to me.
Pretty much this.

I don't like adults hosting 'buy me shit' parties. Buy can see how with a US context why they might have developed. I always thought it was for family, friends, church etc to pass things on to new parents historically.

I still don't get (US or UK) this idea of registering for a list, putting big ticket items on etc.

You want a baby.you finance baby. Gifts from friends should be token congratulations gifts.

If I was lucky enough to be pregnant, I know that I personally wouldn't like one, but that due to the excitement my family members and friends would feel - they would mtl throw me one.

I went to one about three years ago. It was at 6pm, the host had made food and punch (virgin and otherwise). Already knew baby was a boy, there was a cake with baby's name on. that was probably the most "showery" thing about it...

No games, just a get together. With cake. (The cake was particularly good) The invitation specifically requested no gifts, but said if you wanted to bring something then to bring your favourite book from when you were a child with your name / message on the inside. People bought new books and people bought old books.

Was a really nice couple of hours. I suppose it wasn't your 'traditional' shower but I enjoyed it a lot.

But yes the ones I think you mean, OP would not be my cuppa tea at all, but to each ones own

I love the book idea Mollie! In fact I have just sent what you wrote to my mum/sister as a not so discreet hint

I generally find them irritating when there are all the silly games and that, not my bag... but when I had one my friends insisted on throwing one it was a very civilised tea and i asked for any gifts strictly to be of the literary variety, and for each person to bring their favourite children's book. It was lovely, nobody spent crazy money, and we have so many wonderful books that she has enjoyed over the years.