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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say those who find Baby Showers ridiculous are moaning moos?

162 replies

GibraltarRocks · 23/04/2017 20:50

By finding them ridiculous I mean finding them grabby/tacky.

P. S, if you don't like them because you're not for celebrating a baby arrival before they're safely delivered, that's different and not unreasonable at all.

The ones that invite everyone they can think of that'd go is very offish in my opinion, as with those who plan them themselves or add gift lists!

However, I think a lovely little baby shower with close friends/family, planned by someone else, is lovely and often quite fun Smile I love celebrating someone's baby excitement!

A friend of mine had one after lots of infertility years. It was wonderful.

I hope someone does one for me Sad Looking at you Mum Envy

OP posts:
MissBel12 · 23/04/2017 23:55

I think they're fine for a small group of close friends and I'll be very happy to be at my best friend's one soon. But when I get an invite from a cousin I rarely see or an acquaintance I literally groan as I'm really not that interested. I'll come visit their baby once it's born and give them presents then thank you very much.

user1489179512 · 23/04/2017 23:57

Oh God, the selfies with pink phones. And pouting so much that the top lip appears to have a moustache due to shadow effect.

frieda909 · 24/04/2017 00:06

I'm all for a wee get-together before baby arrives and mum's too knackered to see anyone for months but all the so-called 'baby showers' I've been invited to recently have just been too much.

One was an afternoon tea for £25 a head in some posh tea room or other, where we were instructed (by the organiser, not the mum herself) to bring various expensive gifts as well as a request for Mothercare vouchers on top of that! And not that it should really matter, but the couple in question are absolutely freaking loaded and the last people who need a bunch of vouchers to help with buying supplies.

Another was £35 a head with a private area of a restaurant hired out for the occasion. I know people mean well and want to do something nice but what's wrong with a nice cup of tea and some cake over at someone's house? Far more comfortable for the heavily pregnant mum, too!

I think it particularly stings if the couple in question got married quite recently and you already made a fuss and spent a tonne of money celebrating the engagement, then the wedding... I'll happily make a fuss over the babies when they arrive, and at birthday parties after that, but please don't make me spend a tonne of money to fawn over a bump for hours as well!

peaceloveandbiscuits · 24/04/2017 00:16

Sailor I recommend you contract something messy and contagious that morning and don't leave your bed for 24 hours, until it's safely all over (the party, that is).

RedStripeIassie · 24/04/2017 00:20

I would have loved a baby shower but no one organised one. My family have very ingrained superstitions about what you can't say or have in your house before the baby's arrived and it kind of puts the whole celebrating before the baby's arrived off the cards.

My mum had a lot of late misscarriges and I think she's past down that understandable worry.

SpreadYourHappiness · 24/04/2017 00:21

RedStripeIassie Oh that's a shame Sad

Idoidoidoidoido · 24/04/2017 00:26

Funny how the popularity of the baby shower has risen at the same rate as visitors being allowed to vist the newborn has decreased.
I think its a cheek to expect gifts from people and yet at the same time not let them see the baby until its a couple of months old.
Its a thing now for new parents to be encouraged to isolate themselves for the first couple of weeks. Sad really. A new baby should be a joyous,occassion.

RedStripeIassie · 24/04/2017 00:30

Yeah, my poor mum is anxious until any of us actually have the baby in arms Sad.

I've never seen the isolating thing in real life. Everyone comes round and brings food and helps out. I loved it after my dd was born. It was like a party everyday with family and friends bringing yummy food and support.

ilovechoc1987 · 24/04/2017 00:30

An old lady once told me off for taking my baby out in her Pram when she was 3 weeks old. Even my grandmother in law told my partner and i we were stupid for taking her Xmas shopping when she was 6 weeks old. I just think old people are stupid.

SenecaFalls · 24/04/2017 00:44

I just think old people are stupid.

Whoa. No need for this kind of thing at all. (I'm pretty old myself; the last baby shower I attended was for DGD 3.)

ilovechoc1987 · 24/04/2017 00:48

Oh you know what I mean!
I was joking, of course I don't find all old people stupid!

KittyWindbag · 24/04/2017 00:52

I thought the whole point of a baby shower was the get gifts from people? Which is why I find them a but tacky. It's lovely to be having a baby, and for people to give you gifts. But it shouldn't be expected or demanded through some gift registry.

SenecaFalls · 24/04/2017 01:00

I know, Ilove. Although I do think that some people forget that there are quite a few of us oldies on here now. I know we have gransnet, but it's far too tame over there for me. Smile

KC225 · 24/04/2017 01:18

I went to one, arranged by the older sister of a young woman pregnant and split up with her boyfriend. Young woman back living with mum and Dad, no job. We made dishes and brought a bottle. It was a complete surprise and between the lof of us we got mostly everything she would need bar pram/cot etc. She cried. I know it sounds cheesy but it was lovely and ungrabby - just a load of women rallying round. Only one I have ever been to.

ilovechoc1987 · 24/04/2017 01:24

Senecafalls well if you're able to know how to navigate Mumnets let alone all the other websites Confused then you're young enough in my eyes to not be considered 'old' Grin
Old to me is at least 90 anyway.

KittyWindbag · 24/04/2017 01:25

KC to me, that sounds totally different. your young friend sounds like she really needed the help and was going through a shitty time. No problems with women rallying around to help someone out.

Babykoala1 · 24/04/2017 01:40

Honestly, it's so tacky. If you want gifts for your baby, you will get plenty without having to bring a bunch of people together forcing them to play stupid games likes eating some weird mush shit out of a nappy. Buy all the crap you need for your baby yourselves and anything else you receive will be an added bonus.

SenecaFalls · 24/04/2017 01:44

Speaking of baby showers, one thing that has taken hold in some communities in the US is for women's civic and charitable groups to have baby showers to collect items and clothes for women's domestic violence refuges which are then donated to the refuge for distribution as needed.

newbian · 24/04/2017 02:04

I really can't stand the ones who say they don't like it because it's "American." I'm a dual US/UK citizen and there are good and bad things about both cultures. I suspect most people who don't like it because it's "American" have maybe done a weekend in New York 5 years ago and know nothing about the country... rant over

haveacupoftea · 24/04/2017 02:06

AIBU to think those who call other women moaning moos are very silly billies? Wink

Topseyt · 24/04/2017 02:07

The whole concept of them makes me cringe. I am glad they weren't yet a thing when I was having my children. I'd probably have refused to have one anyway, just as I refused to have a hen party before my wedding. I wouldn't want to come under pressure to do it though.

I dislike parties anyway in favour of the quiet life, and something where I expect my guests to bring me gifts would feel grabby and embarrassing.

Andylion · 24/04/2017 02:16

I'm Canadian and they are very common here, not considered grabby at all, (unless the people involved are grabby, I supposes).
I went to one last month, hosted by the greatgrandmother-to-be. We had a great time, the mother-to-be received many useful items and she was very grateful. We haven't had a baby in the family for years; I'm really looking forward to his arrival.

I don't think we've ever played any games.

Laura2507 · 24/04/2017 02:40

Newbian when I said I didn't like it as it's a US tradition that's come over to the UK, I wasn't saying it's a bad tradition. There just seems to be a trend over recent years to take on more and more US traditions (Black Friday anyone?).
What's wrong with keeping our own traditions and letting US keep their own traditions? How many UK traditions have the US taken of ours? UK seems to follow US a lot.

One thing I love about the world is all the different cultures and traditions in individual countries and going to visit them. I don't want to see countries lose their own identities which is what will eventually happen - maybe not in our lifetime.

Anyway that's a whole other topic of conversation!

newbian · 24/04/2017 02:56

Laura2507 it's not just baby showers, there was a thread about putting tea tree oil up one's nether regions (OUCH) and people were claiming it's "American" (which it's not at all).

You can like or not like baby showers but if your sole problem with it is being "American" I think that's narrow minded and silly. Sorry.

PerspicaciaTick · 24/04/2017 03:08

Laura2507, it does sometimes feel like the new traditions we are importing are, by the merest fluke of coincidence, the ones which can be used to maximise commercial opportunities for all the suppliers.

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