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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say those who find Baby Showers ridiculous are moaning moos?

162 replies

GibraltarRocks · 23/04/2017 20:50

By finding them ridiculous I mean finding them grabby/tacky.

P. S, if you don't like them because you're not for celebrating a baby arrival before they're safely delivered, that's different and not unreasonable at all.

The ones that invite everyone they can think of that'd go is very offish in my opinion, as with those who plan them themselves or add gift lists!

However, I think a lovely little baby shower with close friends/family, planned by someone else, is lovely and often quite fun Smile I love celebrating someone's baby excitement!

A friend of mine had one after lots of infertility years. It was wonderful.

I hope someone does one for me Sad Looking at you Mum Envy

OP posts:
peaceloveandbiscuits · 23/04/2017 22:27

God sailor that is my idea of pure hell Sad

NinaMarieP · 23/04/2017 22:27

I'm having a "not baby shower" as it has come to be known.

I generally find baby showers to be tacky and grabby (or at least the ones I have seen shared on Facebook).

But my mum and sister are very keen to throw one so I have compromised.

Nobody is to bring a gift for a start and I don't want a silly sash or anything. Just a few relatives and close friends having a get together.

Though I think my sister is planning some sort of games... I'm actually a bit worried.

SenecaFalls · 23/04/2017 22:40

Now, the games . . . Not a fan of the games. The only time I really enjoyed a game was when the hostesses asked all the guests to bring a picture of their mothers holding them as babies; she put them on a big board and we had to guess who was who's mom.

Also co-ed baby showers are popular these days and usually do not involve games. Most of the ones I attend these days are for work colleagues. Those are fun and also often attended by men.

sonyaya · 23/04/2017 22:42

sailorcherries

Have I misunderstood your post or is someone throwing you a week long baby shower?

sonyaya · 23/04/2017 22:44

Oh wait you probably mean it's in a week not that you're having a week away. Apologies.

Laura2507 · 23/04/2017 22:46

I'm in a Facebook group for my due date and it's actually mostly Americans and it's really interesting to see the cultural differences.

From what I can gather there is a gender reveal party, then a baby shower (if it's not first baby then they may have a baby 'sprinkle' as it would seem too grabby to have another shower 😂 ), many of them do a baby registry at a department store - I'm guessing this is like a wedding gift list and they share with friends and family, not sure when they get the gifts, if it's for the shower.

It actually seems very uncommon to not have a baby shower in the US. I think this is a long standing tradition but what I don't like is that the UK seem to take on US traditions overtime. I've noticed last few years baby showers are really increasing in popularity here.

I personally won't be having one but given all the hen dos I've had to fork out for over the last few years it was bloody tempting to, just so I could get my own back on my friends for forcing me down the latest culture of hen weekends - don't even get me started on them!

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 23/04/2017 22:48

what if you dont have anyone who would organise one for you? Are you less deserving of some attention and fun?

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 23/04/2017 22:49

Grasping and tacky, awful things.

If you want to get together with friends pre birth then just invite them over for food or book a restaurant. Expecting somebody to arrange and pay for one and for guests to bring a gift is all about what you can gain not spending time with friends.

Applebite · 23/04/2017 22:53

I thought they started because you don't get much in the way of maternity packages in the states, so it was a good way for a couple/mother to get stuff the baby needed that might have been too expensive? But in the U.K., where we have much better maternity rights, the idea of expecting expensive gifts does seem grabby.

I didn't want one because I was too superstitious until she was safely here, but I've been to loads and they've all been fun and not remotely grabby. I think if you make it clear that no presents are expected and it's just a small event for friends and family, it can be a lovely thing to do.

MommaGee · 23/04/2017 23:03

what if you dont have anyone who would organise one for you? Are you less deserving of some attention and fun
Yes.

Seriously though, on this basis am I more deserving of fun and attention if I have friends to go for coffee with our go clubbing with or have a suprise birthday party?

motherofdaemons · 23/04/2017 23:09

I hate them, 4 DCs and I've refused to let my friends throw me one every time. I think they're boring and naff. Each to their own though, if you like them go nuts!

ThighBrows · 23/04/2017 23:10

So have a get together with your mates when you're pregnant, a baby shower is for being showered with consumer products.

Aderyn2016 · 23/04/2017 23:13

I know someone (American) who put really expensive things on her gift list for her shower. I guess if everyone does the same then the cost evens out over time but I can't help but think it isn't polite to expect friends to buy expensive baby equipment. Parents should be financing their own babies, not passing on that cost.

vichill · 23/04/2017 23:21

Seem a bit grabby, tacky and entitled to me too. I am a moaning moo who cringes at proms, babymoons, massive hen parties date night with hubs etc. But I have a physical urge to throw my phone across the room when an engagement shoot appears on my feed. Hideous.
All this star of your own show shit just seems so unBritish.

Headofthehive55 · 23/04/2017 23:28

I think such things are better when baby has arrived.
Being older ive known quite a few pregnancies that have ended badly. As a young woman I didn't and would have been excited by the thought of a party.

sailorcherries · 23/04/2017 23:30

peaceloveandbiscuits it's my idea of hell too.
Having two mothers, two sisters, two grans, an aunt and a cousin around for some tea and cake I could deal with.

Having women I have no relationship with come round to celebrate a human coming out my fanny is something I'm not okay with, but get no say in.

And we're having tacky, shite games. I've already spotted 'stick the dummy on the baby' and a 'baby quiz'. Kill me.

ilovechoc1987 · 23/04/2017 23:38

I'm afraid I'm another anti-baby shower person.
I feel it's just a moment to post tedious photos and brags on Facebook and I don't appreciate being invited to them, because it means I have to buy them a present rather then choose to buy one, often from a list, which I find very rude.

I don't attend baby showers I'm invited to, I make an excuse and then when their baby is born, I buy them a nice little gift of my choosing, if I want to.

My children are 11,7,4 and they weren't around like they are now when I were pregnant with them, back then it was an American thing.

baconandmushrooms · 23/04/2017 23:39

They are grabby and naff.

ilovechoc1987 · 23/04/2017 23:45

Baconandmushrooms my thoughts exactly! My friend had one and doesn't even look after her baby now, she pays a childminder and on her days off her mother has the poor baby, who is only 6 weeks old.

BackforGood · 23/04/2017 23:45

YABU to say "those who find Baby Showers ridiculous are moaning moos?", yes.
Just because someone likes something you don't, or doesn't like something you do, doesn't make it reasonable to start name calling, however "fun" that name is meant to be.

Personally I don't like the idea of any gathering that is called with the express aim of collecting presents......ie, a 'shower', which comes from "showering" the bride / the mother to be with gifts.
I'm always up for meeting for coffee and cake or afternoon tea or whatever, if you want to meet up with friends before the baby arrives, but the minute you call it a 'shower' it becomes grabby and really rude, IMO.

IamRonnieBiggs · 23/04/2017 23:48

Grabby - esp when British people think they should get presents before AND after baby is born ...... that isn't the point at all.

user1489179512 · 23/04/2017 23:50

So so tacky. Ugh

Coastalcommand · 23/04/2017 23:52

Grabby and tacky. Would never want one. Same for hen parties.

user1489179512 · 23/04/2017 23:52

Hen anything is also tacky.

ilovechoc1987 · 23/04/2017 23:54

About as tacky as a selfie with sunglasses in front of the bathroom mirror.