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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say those who find Baby Showers ridiculous are moaning moos?

162 replies

GibraltarRocks · 23/04/2017 20:50

By finding them ridiculous I mean finding them grabby/tacky.

P. S, if you don't like them because you're not for celebrating a baby arrival before they're safely delivered, that's different and not unreasonable at all.

The ones that invite everyone they can think of that'd go is very offish in my opinion, as with those who plan them themselves or add gift lists!

However, I think a lovely little baby shower with close friends/family, planned by someone else, is lovely and often quite fun Smile I love celebrating someone's baby excitement!

A friend of mine had one after lots of infertility years. It was wonderful.

I hope someone does one for me Sad Looking at you Mum Envy

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 23/04/2017 21:26

If you give a present at the baby shower is it also expected to give one once the baby is born?

Yes

And then another one at the Christening where often, there's not a religious person in sight, apart from the Vicar.

lauryloo · 23/04/2017 21:26

I think they are tacky

Rainydayspending · 23/04/2017 21:27

Not a fan. I just don't "get" them. It's natural for the mum and maybe the gran to be to be very excited during the pregnancy. It's a bit forced from everyone else though, surely? Motherhood may well be a massive life change. But very personal.

ScarletSienna · 23/04/2017 21:28

Reasons I don't like them:
-the silly games
-people feel obliged to buy two presents; one for the shower, one for the birth
-they are a bit grabby-it's a party to receive presents
-they're getting like hen dos now-its not just a party at a house, it's a £25 per head afternoon tea at a stately home...
-some people have more than one and that feels even grabbier

Most of my friends didn't have them but they're on the increase and we do moan about them to each other irl, I'm a little ashamed to admit.

Wando1986 · 23/04/2017 21:30

They're so unclassy it's unreal. I mean if you want to have a girly lunch party or whatever then sure, but a big gift giving event? Nope. Vulgar. American. Obnoxious.

Can't you wait until after the baby is born like a normal British person (if you're in the UK)?

Also those that have a babyshower and then a christening party too need their gender reveal balloon shoving where the sun doesn't shine Grin

Bumplovin · 23/04/2017 21:31

I have been to 5 baby showers of my close friends and they were quite understated I spent no more in them than I would have done had they not had the party the only difference being that I gave the presents before rather than after the baby was born. My best friend lives in London while she was pregnant I travelled down to London to catch up with her and invited 4 of our other friends along and we bought a few gifts fir the baby she wasn't expecting it and it was lovely. My sister arranged a small gathering for more I didn't feel it was grabby at all it was more a chance to see my friends who all live away and I don't see that often. They were generous with presents but then again they are lovely friends and they know I would never had expected them. I think it's a personal thing as to whether you like them or not but fir me it just felt like it was my friends rallying round because they care to give me a treat I'd do the same again for them any time x

Bumplovin · 23/04/2017 21:33

My sister arrange one for me that should have said

MidnightAura · 23/04/2017 21:33

I think they are grabby. Also I would rather wait until a baby has arrived safely before buying presents.

SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 · 23/04/2017 21:37

I absolutely loathe the games. But apart from that I enjoy them because it's an excuse to meet up with people I perhaps don't see very often, so for me baby showers are a bit of a reunion. And although I can completely see how some people find them grabby, I enjoy see the mum to be's face when she opens the presents. Each to their own.

ChickenBhuna · 23/04/2017 21:45

I wouldn't want one organised for me , I'd rather wait til after the birth for gifts.

Original poster
GibraltarRocks · 23/04/2017 21:55

Alcohol is a thing at Baby Showers!

Refuse to attend unless alcohol is present, I say Grin

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 23/04/2017 22:05

Hate them.
I have zero issue doing coffee with friends when baby's born. Or even an afternoon tea catchup before baby arrives. I usually buy a little something for mum/baby anyway so I'm not against buying a little present.

What I hate is grown adults throwing "buy me shit" parties so feel the same about bridal showers etc too. It's dressed up as "and we can play baby themed games etc". No. It's just a kids party but for adults where you expect gifts. And when I feel led into gifting etc I just resent doing it

SenecaFalls · 23/04/2017 22:06

If you give a present at the baby shower is it also expected to give one once the baby is born?

Not in the US. See, this is one of the problems with the way y'all have imported this quite nice custom from us. Based on MN threads, people give them for themselves or have close family members host them. That's not the way it's done. Mothers and sisters should not host. Aunts are ok, but preference is for friends who are not relatives. Otherwise, it does indeed seem grabby.

Meekonsandwich · 23/04/2017 22:12

Genuine question:

Why is it considered bad luck to bring a pram into the house but it's not bad luck or jinxng it by celebrating and getting gifts for a baby that isn't here yet???

Meh. I'm not a fan, I can't imagine the pain of seeing all the gifts If anything we're to go wrong.

HerBluebiro · 23/04/2017 22:14

We did. But only little things. But then we only got little things for the shower. And at later showers laughed with what silly things we thought would be helpful in our first flush of naivety.

Big presents (cot and pram etc) are for the parents/grandparents to get amongst our friends. Friends get to buy fashionable things like stretcy slings and feeding pillows and baby bath buckets and gro bags and baby toys and footprint kits. And a nappy cake. Then a little cute outfit once they are born. And books for christening. And toys or money for Christmas/birthdays. It is more fun to buy for small children. But all gifts are around the £20 mark. Not silly for our group's incomes.

ToadsforJustice · 23/04/2017 22:15

Tacky American import. Unnecessary waste of time and resources. Someone you know is having a baby. Big deal.

peaceloveandbiscuits · 23/04/2017 22:16

My sister pestered me about throwing one with my first baby, and I vehemently resisted. I do think they are tacky, grabby and uncouth, and I also don't like the idea of celebrating a baby's arrival before it has safely arrived.

I'm now having my second baby and have given in to her request to throw one, with certain restrictions applied by me Grin it's NOT a baby shower, it's a get together. I don't want any presents, and have asked for charity donations instead (though this hasn't stopped my friends obviously fishing for ideas Sad). We'll see how it goes - it's three weeks away! Cringing already.

EssentialHummus · 23/04/2017 22:18

What I hate is grown adults throwing "buy me shit" parties

Same here. I'm expecting. I imagine the grandparents, my gran and a few close friends will want to celebrate and probably give gifts once DD is here, but a gift-giving party while she's still in utero? I don't feel at all comfortable with it.

HerBluebiro · 23/04/2017 22:18

Oh it is bad luck to buy anything for the child before it is born. But as you need to have a car seat to get home and a basket to put the child in. And clothes for it to wear.... well you have to buy some things, and then you realise it is hideous to lose a child whether or not you have a crib tray for then already or not. And bad luck is not influenced by buying a cardie for an elected new born.

It is beyond rude to go to a party without a gift because you think it is bad luck. Just excuse yourself.

SenecaFalls · 23/04/2017 22:20

Not tacky American import. Tacky the way it's been imported, perhaps.

SenecaFalls · 23/04/2017 22:22

Oops, another rule violated. You don't have one for a second baby, possible exceptions are different sex or two children born some years apart.

peaceloveandbiscuits · 23/04/2017 22:25

I haven't violated any rules because it's NAAAAHT a baby shower Grin

MommaGee · 23/04/2017 22:25

Meh. I'm not a fan, I can't imagine the pain of seeing all the gifts If anything we're to go wrong
Bit don't people decorate their nursery before giving birth? We had the Moses basket, cot, furniture, travel system, clothes and toys all sorted. I went into labour at 35 weeks and we were in for 12 1/2 weeks. I couldn't imagine DH leaving us to go buy a Moses basket and blanket's and clothes and nappies etc

sailorcherries · 23/04/2017 22:26

I am having one, but do not want one as both my sister and and OHs sister decided to throw me one (despite asking my preference and me saying I didn't like them).

After they decided I was asked about a guest list and I asked for it to include - myself, young DS, my mum, my sister, my gran, my aunt, my female cousin, my best friend, OHs mum, OHs sister, OHs grandma and OHs gran, two aunts and cousin on his dads side (OH and MIL aren't as close to them, left the decision up to them).

From that my mum invited her neighbours and their children/grandchildren, two women she worked with and MIL has invited her two friends too. I'm unsure whether OHs sister or my sister have invited their friends but wouldn't be surprised.

My idea of a close family tea/nibbles afternoon has turned in to an "invite everyone anyone else wants" afternoon with tacky games, quizzes and too much alcohol. It's not what I wanted at all, after being forced in to accepting it was happening, and not who I wanted.

It's a week away and I'm dreading it. I shouls be grateful but I cannot stand these social situations, particularly as my request not to have one was ignored and then my wants were thrown out the window.
I don't expect presents from anyone and definitely won't be asking for presents (even as a child I never asked Santa for a gift as it made me uncomfortable).

MommaGee · 23/04/2017 22:26

If I get pregnancy again I'm having one because as previously mentioned I missed mine by having a baby. Special rule!