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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say those who find Baby Showers ridiculous are moaning moos?

162 replies

GibraltarRocks · 23/04/2017 20:50

By finding them ridiculous I mean finding them grabby/tacky.

P. S, if you don't like them because you're not for celebrating a baby arrival before they're safely delivered, that's different and not unreasonable at all.

The ones that invite everyone they can think of that'd go is very offish in my opinion, as with those who plan them themselves or add gift lists!

However, I think a lovely little baby shower with close friends/family, planned by someone else, is lovely and often quite fun Smile I love celebrating someone's baby excitement!

A friend of mine had one after lots of infertility years. It was wonderful.

I hope someone does one for me Sad Looking at you Mum Envy

OP posts:
NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 24/04/2017 03:20

Another Canadian here, where yes, showers are the norm.

Yes, people absolutely go overboard with them. And yes, they can be awful and cheesy.

But it can also not be. My own shower was just a garden tea party, no games whatsoever, and I did receive gifts, but I didn't have a list or anything.

It was nice to see everyone before the next few months were so busy.

I agree though that it is more important to see the parents and baby afterwards.

SpareASquare · 24/04/2017 03:45

Funny how the popularity of the baby shower has risen at the same rate as visitors being allowed to vist the newborn has decreased.
I think its a cheek to expect gifts from people and yet at the same time not let them see the baby until its a couple of months old

Really good point

And yeah, tacky AND grabby. I'd be embarrassed to provide a list of what I expect other people to provide for the baby I chose to have

KateDaniels2 · 24/04/2017 06:00

I lived in the US for a while and went to a couple. The games are awful. But in general they were fine. Because thats when you gave you gift. A good chance for the mum to be to have a nice time before the baby comes.

Everyone i know who has one in the UK expects gifts at the shower AND at the birth. The way they are done in the UK is generally grabby.

And yes i also agree that baby showers have gone up while visitors being banned have gone up. And in fact, ime, its usually the people who have these showers that ban visitors as well. But still want all the gifts.

UnbornMortificado · 24/04/2017 06:27

I'm pregnant with my 5th. I might suggest one just to see my mam's look of horror.

I've never had one but I don't get the massive hatred of them.

ilovechoc1987 · 24/04/2017 06:35

I don't think it's all about the hatred of them, it's more about the hatred for the reasons behind having one and the types of people that expect them.

LedaP · 24/04/2017 07:27

it's more about the hatred for the reasons behind having one and the types of people that expect them.

This ^

lelapaletute · 24/04/2017 07:34

I'd love to go to someone else's.would have cringed myself inside out to have one myself. Much like weddings in that respect!! Grin

We had a headwetting after baby arrived. Less pressure to buy gifts, and i wasn't the focus of attention - baby was, which is as it should be!

lelapaletute · 24/04/2017 07:39

Confused reading the comments that showers are rising as mums are choosing to not have visitors straight after birth, and it is rude to expect presents if people can't see the baby when it's newborn. Sooo much Hmm at this! Does a baby somehow go down in value as it gets older, like a car? Are you giving the gift to purchase access to the baby? What a creepy, entitled point of view!

dunkinhobnobs · 24/04/2017 07:46

Since losing my Son at 37 weeks pregnant I find it hard to celebrate and assume all will be well until baby is here safely. That may make me a moany moo but its my reason for not embracing the 'baby shower' thing.

TinfoilHattie · 24/04/2017 07:47

Mooooooooo

Hate them.

sexymuthafunker · 24/04/2017 07:49

Have a party if you want to have a party. Love a party!

But.... Playing games at BS is so cringeworthy. Very glad I have no idea what the shitty nappy is all about! Hmm We are grown women for heavens sake!
Thankfully most of my friends have not had one. Plus I would rather buy a present for a baby who has already been born.

Chattymummyhere · 24/04/2017 07:50

I'm hoping my expecting sil does not have a baby shower. To refuse to attend would be futile but I would rather stick pins in my eye balls than attend a baby shower. I've had three children and not one baby shower thank god.

sexymuthafunker · 24/04/2017 07:50

Lol at Mooooo!

londonrach · 24/04/2017 07:52

Hate them too as tempting fate as we ve had a very late still birth in our family. Id never ever ever buy anything for a baby prior to birth as a result.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 24/04/2017 07:54

Another vote for grabby and tacky.
I'd be mortified if my friends threw me one. Luckily they all know this and I've got through 4 pregnancies without being subjected to one!
I've only been to one so I think we're all on the same page!

HeteronormativeHaybales · 24/04/2017 08:00

(Sorry if I've already missed someone making this point) I should think that when baby showers came into being, they made sense, in the same way that wedding presents/lists used to make sense - baby stuff was comparatively expensive, a young couple expecting their first child was likely to be just starting out and not to have a great deal of disposable income, they were a sort of help from the community of family and friends with those expenses as well as welcoming the new arrival into the world. These days they've largely lost that side of things, I think, and are about Stuff, and people's increasing sense that they are special and every occasion in their lives must be celebrated to the max (and expensively) by those around them.

NormaSmuff · 24/04/2017 08:03

i think they are grabby and tacky.

but i have made a plan, when and if my dd2 goes to university, I am going to throw a party, and people can bring her things she needs, ie cutlery, duvets.
has anyone thought of that yet? Wink

NormaSmuff · 24/04/2017 08:05

agree, when i was pregnant with DS i was worried until he was born, and after of course but it was bad luck to have too much stuff

BewtySkoolDropowt · 24/04/2017 08:15

YABU to describe anyone as a 'moaning moo'. Using the word cow is bad enough (only ever used to describe women in a derogatory way), but to try and say the same thing in a twee way to, what, make it less offensive? Uurgh. Horrible.

I think baby showers are ridiculous. This is the first time I have expressed that opinion. I don't think that means I am a 'insert twee insult here'.

Aderyn2016 · 24/04/2017 08:25

lela I think it's more that you are seen as good enough to fund expensive presents but not good enough to visit!

I do see why they have a place in America, where medical care is expensive and you get a big bill along with your new baby. Maybe American couples need the help more?

BackforGood · 24/04/2017 10:46

I totally agree with newbian that people saying they don't like something "because it's an American tradition" is pretty odd. (I'm not American, indeed, can't trace back any relatives not from England or Wales). I rather like lots of things that we do / have/ use / eat that have originated in countries other than my own. It's a very odd racist reason not to like something.

NormaSmuff - This is genius Grin
^but i have made a plan, when and if my dd2 goes to university, I am going to throw a party, and people can bring her things she needs, ie cutlery, duvets.
has anyone thought of that yet?^ Wink

Namechangearoo · 24/04/2017 10:55

I haven't RTFT but OP, your definition of a "nice" baby shower is so narrow that there are more things you dislike (shitty nappy game, people who invite everyone they know, those who plan them themselves, those who add gift lists....) that I'm inclined to believe you wouldn't like 90% of the baby showers that take place.

So what YOU like is YOUR perfect baby shower. Good for you! Doesn't make everyone else who has a slightly differing opinion a "moaning moo" (that phrase is bloody awful, by the way).

I'm pregnant now and if anyone throws me a shower I shall die inside. However, I'm all for other people doing what they want, and if my best friend wants a baby shower complete with the shitty nappy game and a registry list from John Lewis, I won't judge her, I'll just be happy if she's happy.

Namechangearoo · 24/04/2017 10:56

The grammar in my first sentence is awful, sorry. You get the point though.

MumBod · 24/04/2017 11:07

I never had one, and I never had any kind of celebration after my babies were born either. XH wouldn't let me.

I think it must be lovely to have the sort of friends and family who love you enough to spoil you when you're pregnant.

You'd feel really special Smile

Original poster
GibraltarRocks · 24/04/2017 11:15

Sadly, I don't have many/any friends so my Mum organising one for me is a time that I know people I quite like but I'm not actually friends with can come and celebrate. Mostly Mum's friends who I quite like.

I couldn't arrange a little get together with afternoon tea because nobody would turn up Sad

OP posts: