I sometimes got the impression that some feminists think all women should agree with them or they arnt the right type of feminist/not feminist and its then ok to use the turn handmaiden or such at them.
I genuinely hope this isn't the case - and I don't think it is...
If a feminist disagrees with another woman, and she says that she disagrees, that's surely fine? I've rarely heard a woman say "Well, you're not the right sort of feminist because you said that" - usually it's a more direct engagement with the content of the point. If woman B then wants to infer that woman A is saying she's not a feminist, well...if the cap fits and all that...
However, the term 'handmaiden' has caused so much upset because, I suppose, it's a short-hand way of saying 'You're not a feminist". But surely if you're arguing a non-feminist view, you would already know you're not a feminist... Hell, some posters even state 'I'm not a feminist' - and then get all upset if they suspect someone's called them a handmaiden. Odd.
At the risk of sounding extremely simplistic, I'd say you can either be a feminist or a non-feminist (which would make you a... no, I'm not going to say it). But I don't see much of a grey area; either you're fighting to install equality, or you're accepting male privilege. I realise that in real life, things can get a bit hazy - but on here, it's usually a debate about principles and ideas. Perhaps I'm a very extreme radfem (but I don't think so...) - but I rarely find myself angrily disagreeing with other feminists. I might on occasion think the odd feminist has taken things too far, but I can sympathise and see where they're coming from.
I think if you regularly find yourself in conflict with feminists on MN, and feel that they're trying to tell you you're 'the wrong kind of feminist', well, you may want to look very closely at your feminist credentials.