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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be utterly disgusted and depressed that women think its ok to make small penis gags?

532 replies

deffonamechange · 22/04/2017 18:16

Just been reading a thread further down where yes some scumbag bloke had been horrible to someone. Lots of outrage and tell him he has a small dick, tell him he has a micro penis basically mock the size of his genitals.

Can you imagine if a woman upset a bloke and all his mates said tell her she has awful labia, tell her her fanny is horrible, tell her she doesnt look normal down there
Its horrific!!

Do you know how many lovely men with smaller penises get inundated with this? Do you know how many teenage boys worry themselves to death because of comments like these?

Its depressing/sexist/cruel and plain nasty. You should be ashamed of yourselves!

OP posts:

kali110 · 23/04/2017 10:45

its you've pretty much said how i feel about handmaiden and cool wives.
Though maybe i've simply been brainwashed by menz

BertrandRussell · 23/04/2017 10:49

"its you've pretty much said how i feel about handmaiden and cool wives.
Though maybe i've simply been brainwashed by menz hmm"

Would you like to discuss it further? I'm guessing by the "menz" thing that the answer's no, but worth a try.

What I'd like to know is whether people think that in order to be a feminist you have to agree with all other women, and never call them out when you think they are wrong or misinformed.

usernumbernine · 23/04/2017 10:53

To be accepted as a feminist on Mumsnet and to be welcome in the feminist sub board you have to be a particular type of feminist who agrees with all the other feminists on mumsnet and buys in to a particular world view.

But that's not what this thread is about. This thread is about a woman who is upset that her son's physical attribute of small penis is used as an insult by other mother's and is excused on the grounds of women have it worse.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 23/04/2017 10:55

What I'd like to know is whether people think that in order to be a feminist you have to agree with all other women, and never call them out when you think they are wrong or misinformed

What I'd like to know is whether people think that as women you have to agree with women who call themselves feminists , and never call them out when you think they are wrong or misinformed ?

The "handmaiden" , "cool girl" and their back up gotcha of "straw man" frequently get played as the trump card whether justified or not and they are misogynistic.

MerchantofVenice · 23/04/2017 11:11

Lass I think it's, of course, acceptable to call out anyone when they are wrong/offensive/misguided.

What some of us have a problem with is the types (let's call them a nice, neutral term that is unlikely to upset anyone - how about 'handmaidens' ) who ONLY call out women. They let all the usual sexist bullshit fly straight under the radar, or, better still, they will argue black is white rather than let a feminist point stand unchallenged.

Then, they spot an instance where (fair cop) there's some unfair behaviour from women towards men, and in they pile, all falling over themselves to call out the women, triumphant and gleeful.

Now, I don't think the OP intended to, but she has attracted some of those people.

MercyMyJewels · 23/04/2017 11:18

Fuck me - touchy touchy about handmaiden. OP was not primarily concerned about her son having a small penis, The title OP is that she was 'disgusted and depressed' that such term could ever be used, And the reaction was yes, it was disgusting and depressing. NO account of what women frequently have to endure or indeed why the term was used in another post.

As Merchant said "Some women just cannot wait to defend men to sort of prove a point. And the same women won't stand up for their own sex in many cases."

As for being mysognistic, DFOD

usernumbernine · 23/04/2017 11:23

I didn't say "the thread title is" ... I said "this thread is about"

BertrandRussell · 23/04/2017 11:24

"But that's not what this thread is about. This thread is about a woman who is upset that her son's physical attribute of small penis is used as an insult by other mother's and is excused on the grounds of women have it worse."

Fair enough but thought we had all agreed that it shouldn't be, and we're moving on. (However, I do think it's worth saying that the OP's original post was a general/political one, and she did not mention her son til wellmon in the thread, and I missed it until someone else pointed it out-the thread would have gone a very different way if it had been personal from the beginning)

BertrandRussell · 23/04/2017 11:26

"To be accepted as a feminist on Mumsnet and to be welcome in the feminist sub board you have to be a particular type of feminist who agrees with all the other feminists on mumsnet and buys in to a particular world view"

Really? What type of feminist do you mean?

usernumbernine · 23/04/2017 11:27

The sort that post on the feminist board on Mumsnet Bertrand, I thought that was clear.

MercyMyJewels · 23/04/2017 11:29

Yes I missed it too Bert and had to back to find that bit.

Oh and btw I have two sons and I am not in fear of them being called microdick by all and sundry, because it is not a common occurrence for women to do this. A thread on a women's board is hardly pervasive. But women are frequently insulted, body shamed, in person and in popular culture.

usernumbernine · 23/04/2017 11:34

My friend is body shamed, often. I've been out with him and I have noticed it more than I've ever noticed anything aimed at me.

I may be just old so not the target of comments any longer, but I genuinely notice my short friend getting horrid comments when we are out. Those comments are aimed at his small stature (won't matter when you're on your knees being one), digs about the size of his feet (checking what size his feet are as small feet means small dick) and lots of digs about small man big temper.

I am not saying women don't get body shaming comments, but I am saying that he gets them too. And both are wrong.

BertrandRussell · 23/04/2017 11:35

"The sort that post on the feminist board on Mumsnet Bertrand, I thought that was clear"

But lots of different sorts of people post on the feminist boards. For example, Lass, who's posting on this thread definitely doesn't call herself a feminist and posts on the feminist boards, particularly about porn and prostitution.

BertrandRussell · 23/04/2017 11:37

"I am not saying women don't get body shaming comments, but I am saying that he gets them too. And both are wrong."

Yes, I think everyone agrees with that.

WorraLiberty · 23/04/2017 11:38

Nearly 300 posts and still this thread doesn't seem to have moved past, "Yes body shaming is wrong but "

There is no but I'm afraid.

There's no excuse for it at all, and I'm cringing here for the posters who are still trying to justify it, whilst also saying it's wrong.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 23/04/2017 11:39

As for being mysognistic, DFOD

That acronym I assumes means "do fuck off dear". Odd you would use the phrase "dear" , which is usually taken to be misogynstic and patronising , to deny another phrase is misogynistic.

If you can't see that trotting out "handmaiden" at any opportunity is misogynistic maybe, to use another phrase which appears regularly on FWR, you are a little "hard of thinking"?

BertrandRussell · 23/04/2017 11:41

"There's no excuse for it at all, and I'm cringing here for the posters who are still trying to justify it, whilst also saying it's wrong."

How about ignoring those posters and joining in the discussion?

BertrandRussell · 23/04/2017 11:43

"If you can't see that trotting out "handmaiden" at any opportunity is misogynistic maybe, to use another phrase which appears regularly on FWR, you are a little "hard of thinking"?"

Forget the actual expression "handmaiden" for a minute. Do you think that there are women who fit the definition?

WorraLiberty · 23/04/2017 11:47

I joined the discussion yesterday Bert as you know.

And having caught up on it just now, I can see it's dead in the water.

It's like a stuck record "Body shaming is wrong but women have it worse".

"Yes but body shaming is still wrong"

What other 'discussion' is there to be had?

MercyMyJewels · 23/04/2017 11:53

And I don't believe I have actually used the term handmaiden before, so not 'trotting' it out. I can see that you don't like the term, and this thread has become about the use of that word, rather than the prevalence of men being called microdicks.

MerchantofVenice · 23/04/2017 11:54

Worra

There can be a 'but' though.

How about this:

We all agree body-shaming is wrong, but some of us feel that this thread has raised other issues too.

Is that ok? Are we allowed to discuss the 'other issues arising'?

Because I think you might know what I mean when I mention posters who basically couldn't give a shit about defending women, but get ever so excited if there's a chance to defend men.

I'm going to go out on a limb here. I think that, unless you want to be called a handmaiden, you should have to fight the women's corner at least as often as you fight the men's when it comes to sexist bullshit.

I mean, if this is your first thread ever, and you come to it cold, then I guess it's fine to just take it at face value and say, simply, yep - all body-shaming is wrong. But if you're a famous anti-feminist... well, that's where the other issues arise.

BertrandRussell · 23/04/2017 11:55

Worra- what do you want people to say?

MercyMyJewels · 23/04/2017 11:55

My first post to Lass disappeared - it was that I used DFOD intentionally.

BertrandRussell · 23/04/2017 11:57

It would also be a bit good if anti feminists stopped using "but this happens to men too" on any thread about, for example, domestic violence............

WorraLiberty · 23/04/2017 12:00

Because I think you might know what I mean when I mention posters who basically couldn't give a shit about defending women, but get ever so excited if there's a chance to defend men.

See that's another 'point' that has been made more than once on this thread.

But I see it as a 'point' made from people who actually don't want to believe that those who stand up for men here, actually do stand up for women too.

Rather than see that those women are often pointing out the sexism/hypocrisy they read from some posters, they'll just convince themselves that they never ever stick up for women, only men.

Just another way of dismissing a viewpoint that one doesn't agree with.

"Oh don't listen to them, they always stick up for men. They never stick up for women. They get 'excited' if there's a chance to defend men".

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