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Original poster

To be utterly disgusted and depressed that women think its ok to make small penis gags?

532 replies

deffonamechange · 22/04/2017 18:16

Just been reading a thread further down where yes some scumbag bloke had been horrible to someone. Lots of outrage and tell him he has a small dick, tell him he has a micro penis basically mock the size of his genitals.

Can you imagine if a woman upset a bloke and all his mates said tell her she has awful labia, tell her her fanny is horrible, tell her she doesnt look normal down there
Its horrific!!

Do you know how many lovely men with smaller penises get inundated with this? Do you know how many teenage boys worry themselves to death because of comments like these?

Its depressing/sexist/cruel and plain nasty. You should be ashamed of yourselves!

OP posts:
Wedrine4me · 23/04/2017 09:02

I think the op wanted people to stop referencing penis size as an insult. Rather to use a more appropriate insult if you need a comeback that actually is relevant and personalised.
I think this sums up her views perfectly.

Im with pp who think it doesn't work as an insult - I mean, most guys already know the size of their cock, or they know you don't know the size of their cock, or they know you've never complained before. It's not going to hurt them, but yes, the stigma will hurt others.

Because it is the stigma affecting her son that she's upset about.

And

But saying 'small penis' as an insult to men who most likely have average (or even large) penises wouldn't upset them.

It won't upset the person it's aimed at but every time her son hears it, it will upset him.

Use appropriate insults if necessary that's what the op wants out of this thread I would imagine. She's not saying arseholes shouldn't be put down but think about better ways of insulting them.

BertrandRussell · 23/04/2017 09:02

I think everyone on this thread agrees that body shaming is wrong.

What do we do next?

Wedrine4me · 23/04/2017 09:05

I agree with OP. It is demeaning to the women who make those jokes and adds to the despair of every young boy who is worrying himself sick about his body. Many of us have boys. The suicide rate for boys is high. Fear of sexual inadequacy are a contributor to mental health issues. We know that.

And this is also why the op posted - in answer to what the op wanted to get out of this thread.

itsmine · 23/04/2017 09:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertrandRussell · 23/04/2017 09:09

"When you know and I know that in this context it was used to insult those who said the obvious, that saying someone has a micro dick is just as shit as using sexual insults on women."

Well, if it was, then I have, for the first time, been called a "handmaiden"!

My understanding was that it was used to describe posters who said that body shaming is just as frequent and serious an issue for men as it is for women. Which it isn't.

I'm not sure why you say it's a mysogenist expression, by the way. Could you explain?

WomblingThree · 23/04/2017 09:13

Now I know what it means, I find the term "handmaiden" insulting. Am I allowed to feel like that? The term was hurled into this thread to try and shut down discussion. Giving those of us who aren't hardcore radfems a cutesy little name won't make us go away. It will just make us think that if you are reduced to insulting us, then you probably don't have anything very interesting to say anyway.

I will challenge inequality anywhere I see it. I will not be shouted down and talked over just because I don't think that all men are abusers. Bertrand and Merchant I accept that neither of you have said this, but there are at least two posters on this thread who seem to think that.

MercyMyJewels said
How about fighting for women who are abused all the time rather than for men who seemingly wouldn't be able to cope with charges of mini dick.

Another poster said
Women's intimate body parts are always spoken about in a derogatory way by men.

Using absolutist statements and hyperbole is not the way to get people to listen to what you are saying. Every woman is not abused all the time. Every man does not talk about womens' bodies all the time. So when I read stuff like this, I just think it is not meant to encourage discussion, it is meant to shut other women up, which is surely the total antithesis of what feminists should be doing.

BertrandRussell · 23/04/2017 09:14

Fair enough. I promise never to say anything about a man's penis size ever again. And I will call out anyone I hear doing it.

MerchantofVenice · 23/04/2017 09:14

But itsmine it is interesting that on threads where people are desperately trying to point out that certain behaviour towards women is unacceptable, you get many of the same posters who've been very keen to defend men on this thread saying "oh be quiet, that's not offensive" etc. It is a problem - the need that some people have to vocally defend men and try trivialise women's complaints.

That's why this thread has been controversial. We all know body shaming is wrong, but some of us are alarmed at certain well-known posters, who never lift a finger to defend women, getting sooo invested when a penis is at stake.

BertrandRussell · 23/04/2017 09:17

"Giving those of us who aren't hardcore radfems a cutesy little name won't make us go away. It will just make us think that if you are reduced to insulting us, then you probably don't have anything very interesting to say anyway."

I honestly think you might have misunderstood the explanation of the term. Can I ask you to read them again? If that's what you got from my post of 7.36 this morning, then I have expressed myself badly, and I'll try again.

WomblingThree · 23/04/2017 09:20

itsmine you posted a lot while I was writing mine. I agree with everything you've said.

Bertrand the term is misogynistic because it is meant to shut women up who don't agree with what the person who used the term is saying. I am emphatically not a handmaiden (as it was defined upthread). I have never thought "poor menz". I will challenge double standards, and I refuse to be told that I'm not the "right" sort of feminist for doing so. Feminists are supposed to stand up for women, not put them down. Reducing them to "handmaidens" for daring to voice an opinion is misogynistic in the extreme.

BertrandRussell · 23/04/2017 09:21

"Using absolutist statements and hyperbole is not the way to get people to listen to what you are saying. Every woman is not abused all the time."

No, every individual woman is not abused all the time. But women in general are. Women in public life are bombarded with sexual abuse, for example.

itsmine · 23/04/2017 09:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WomblingThree · 23/04/2017 09:26

I've gone back and read your 7.36 post Betrand.

This bit there are women who excuse and justify men's behaviour, however appalling. Who always put men's needs and wants first and who always seek to blame the woman in any given situation is fine as an explanation of the term, but I didn't see anyone on the thread doing that before the term was used. Am I just particularly stupid or something? Why is it wrong to want to see a situation from both sides? Why are we not "allowed" to do that without being shouted down?

Wedrine4me · 23/04/2017 09:28

Fair enough. I promise never to say anything about a man's penis size ever again. And I will call out anyone I hear doing it.

Perfect. That is the optimum outcome hoped for by the op. And of course many of us will do the same when we hear insults regarding women's bodies in general.

BertrandRussell · 23/04/2017 09:31

"Bertrand the term is misogynistic because it is meant to shut women up who don't agree with what the person who used the term is saying"

I don't agree, actually. It is intended to describe women who behave in very specific ways.

Do you think that feminists should agree with everything any other woman says?

itsmine · 23/04/2017 09:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MerchantofVenice · 23/04/2017 09:42

itsmine I'm not going to link, no (actually don't know how to on my phone) - but I'll leave it to your conscience... You'll know if you've ever been guilty of trivialising women's complaints about sexism, as will others... Grin

Got your point about 'handmaiden' being misogynistic. Yes, I can see how you could argue that. I don't really agree, but see that I was being a bit obtuse there.

I'm now going to use an analogy to try to illustrate why some of us found this thread problematic... because analogies always go down well.

Imagine you see a lot of racism against people of colour. You see it all the time, everywhere (not that hard to imagine, is it...). When you try to address it on MN, there is always a little pocket of posters who shout you down, who trivialise it and clearly don't feel the need to attack racism.

Then a thread comes along when someone's been abused based on the whiteness of their skin. It's abuse; it's not nice. And when people acknowledge this the nastiness they are essentially right. But when the infamous posters, the ones who habitually excuse the rampant and constant racism that flows the other way, come along, it's a bit hard to take. They seem to be all... triumphant. All 'ha- told you' and it leaves a nasty taste behind.

We all recognise names of posters who hate feminism. It wasn't a big surprise to hear them banging the drum on this thread.

BertrandRussell · 23/04/2017 09:42

"This bit there are women who excuse and justify men's behaviour, however appalling. Who always put men's needs and wants first and who always seek to blame the woman in any given situation is fine as an explanation of the term, but I didn't see anyone on the thread doing that before the term was used. Am I just particularly stupid or something? Why is it wrong to want to see a situation from both sides? Why are we not "allowed" to do that without being shouted down?"

Hmm. It's interesting in relation to this particular thread- and the poster who used it should probably be explaining . But my perception is that the only people being "shouted down" were the people saying things like "Yes, body shaming is wrong, but it is really an issue which affects women so much more than men. And I wish people were putting as much energy in the practically universal body shaming of women as they are into this specific situation which affects men" Which seems to me to be a perfectly legitimate standpoint, but which on this thread seemed to be taken to mean that you didn't care what happened to men. Does that make sense?

BartholinsSister · 23/04/2017 09:47

Don't some women have penises too nowadays?
It's all become so confusing.

itsmine · 23/04/2017 09:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertrandRussell · 23/04/2017 09:58

Itsmine.

Any thread where a man is not happy with a woman wanting to keep her name on marriage.
Any thread discussing whether or not women's behaviour "contributes" to them being raped.
Any thread about body hair.
Any thread about domestic violence (in general- not when a specific woman asks for support)
Any thread about division of domestic tasks.
Any thread about sexual stereotyping in children's clothes, books or toys.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 23/04/2017 10:05

Yes it may not be right, but. Men hit women where it hurts, don't they.
Its called getting a taste of their own medicine. Its not nice, is it.

MerchantofVenice · 23/04/2017 10:07

Can you possibly not be snarky, itsmine? I was being genuine. There are posters who shout down and trivialise all sexism against women. You will know if you've ever done this. No need to try to be all clever and smug about it.

histinyhandsarefrozen · 23/04/2017 10:16

Its called getting a taste of their own medicine. Its not nice, is it.

Eh, but its not them getting a taste of their own medicine, is it?
You say to a man with a medium or large penis that he's got a small dick, you think its going to hurt them, really? How?

BertrandRussell · 23/04/2017 10:37

"Can you possibly not be snarky, itsmine? I was being genuine"

I don't think she can help it. In the same way I don't think she can help not actually engaging with what people say. As my ds would say "It's a condition, mate"