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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop the 'nicknames'?

200 replies

PrtyPsn · 22/04/2017 08:19

Expecting DS1 very soon and starting to think about when he's here.
OH's parents already have grandchildren from his siblings. When their first grandchild was learning to talk, they mispronounced 'Granny' and 'Grandpa' (as young children often do) it was cute and funny at the time but the in laws encouraged it.
Now, several grandchildren later (all at an age of speaking perfectly well) they all still refer to their grandparents as these mispronunciations.
It really grates on me - I come from a child education background so I know how frustrating it is when children use alternative words for something and teaching children to mispronounce a word is a big pet hate of mine.
So, AIBU to ask them to stop this for my child? It's not a habit I want him to fall into and definitely not something that will happen with any other family members but it's clear they like it as they've done it for years.

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 22/04/2017 12:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 22/04/2017 12:28

I seriously think when your baby arrives this will become such a non-issue that you'll forget about it. But I do think it should be down to grandparents what they get called, they're the ones being addressed after all. If you insist on correct pronunciation it will become a battle and frankly who has time for that? I'd say give this one up and grin and bear it until your child is old enough to stop of her/his own accord (if he/she wants you

DS2 always used to say 'canan I' rather than 'can't I'...he's stopped now and I do miss it.

DotForShort · 22/04/2017 12:48

It "grates" to hear your nephews'/nieces' names for their grandparents? And the same thing "frustrates" your husband? Goodness. Surely it is entirely up to the people involved which name they go by. It would be quite rude to declare that you refuse to use someone's preferred name/nickname. That is taking control freakery to new heights. And I say that as rather a control freak myself.

Though here is an anecdote you can file under Be Careful What You Wish For: my mother has a friend who proclaimed that she would leave the choice of how her grandchildren addressed her up to the first grandchild. I think she assumed the child would call her Grandma or Granny or some other conventional name. In fact, the first grandchild took to calling her Monkey. 🐒

SavoyCabbage · 22/04/2017 12:59

I wonder how you would feel if the grandparents said

'oh no, your children must refer to us as grandmother and grandfather only, our nicknames were not thought up by your children and they are not allowed to use them'.

I am a child education background too. I think you are being ridiculous.

BertrandRussell · 22/04/2017 13:18

"BEfore your child is born, I would suggest a chat with your DH's parents to talk about names. I am sure you could suggest very warmly and kindly some of the names you do like and ask them to choose one of those? So long as you are diplomatic, I am sure it can be doen without upsetting anyone."

Yes, that won't sound control freaky at all.....

usernumbernine · 22/04/2017 13:35

We have biscetti and bollocks for spag bol.

But then we are working class and I'm not from a child education background.

FairNotFair · 22/04/2017 13:52

You could always call them all "Phyllis" Grin

HerBluebiro · 22/04/2017 14:12

Frankly, it's far more hateful for SIL dh to call her parents "mum and dad" and refer to them as such. he has his own parents wholbhe also calls mum and dad. He's 44 ffs

That's quite common (and confusing) round these parts. Marry into a family and you aquire the family wholesale - aunts, uncles, grandparents and yes mum and dad. Thank goodness not normal in my or OH's family as I'd find it weird.

SoupDragon · 22/04/2017 14:23

BEfore your child is born, I would suggest a chat with your DH's parents to talk about names. I am sure you could suggest very warmly and kindly some of the names you do like and ask them to choose one of those? So long as you are diplomatic, I am sure it can be doen without upsetting anyone.

And how would you feel about the grandparents-to-be having a similar conversation with the OP about names for their child?

xrayyankeezulu · 22/04/2017 14:25

I'm actually with you!! DH's cousins have 8 children between them who all refer to DH's gran as Noo Noo, it pisses my life off. I can't hear it without cringing. DH's mum often referred to her as it to DD but I just used to say oh you mean Nana X, then if we visited I would constantly say show Nana X that, pass that to Nana X, only had to do it a few times & they got the hint!!

BertrandRussell · 22/04/2017 14:29

"oh you mean Nana X, then if we visited I would constantly say show Nana X that, pass that to Nana X, only had to do it a few times & they got the hint!!" And if Noo Noo had decided to use he own choice of nickname for your child, you would have been cool with that, I assume?

Nanny0gg · 22/04/2017 14:40

Your child can call their grandparents what you want them to.

Um. No. They should be called what they want to be called.

I am Nanny. I like Nanny. Grandmothers in my family have always been Nanny.

I don't care that the prevailing attitude on MN is that it is 'common'; that it refers to female goats, or domestic help.

It's referring to me so I get to decide.

Nanny0gg · 22/04/2017 14:42

I just used to say oh you mean Nana X, then if we visited I would constantly say show Nana X that, pass that to Nana X, only had to do it a few times & they got the hint!!

Not even your grandmother?

How rude.

SoupDragon · 22/04/2017 14:46

oh you mean Nana X

So, the babyish "nana" was OK...? Surely if you are snobbish about nicknames, only Grandmother will do.

BertrandRussell · 22/04/2017 14:53

Granny is what the posh say......

SoupDragon · 22/04/2017 14:54

But that is a nickname

littleshirleybeans · 22/04/2017 15:08

prettybird
You must live fairly near me then Wink

Topseyt · 22/04/2017 15:16

Don't be daft OP.

Even the Queen famously mispronounced her own name as a young child. To this day I hear that some of her family (perhaps Prince Philip?) sometimes refer to her as "Lilibet", so do you think that means that they don't know her name is Elizabeth?

In this house we have lasnage instead of lasagne because when DD1 was small she couldn't pronounce lasagne and that was how it came out. She is 22 now and about to graduate from university with a top degree in modern languages, one of which is Italian.

You will be pretty dull if you never allow any "in" family jokes.

Chill and stop overthinking. It really is no big deal as long as you make sure that the children are aware of the correct version and know that there is a time and a place.

Provided that the nicknames for the grandparents aren't Fuckface and Arsehole, I don't get the issue.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/04/2017 15:24

All parents are perfect before they have children. And often those from 'a child education background' have the hardest and longest fall with their PFB. This thread is the start of yours OP.

Real parenting involves a lot of compromise and flexibility. That's part of the fun; learning how to be the parent your child needs.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/04/2017 15:45

@PrtyPsn - I am educated and literate, love language, and the music and flow of words. All three of my boys mispronounced things when they were little, and some of those words stuck in the family's vocabulary.

They have all grown up to be intelligent and articulate young men - ds1 graduate with a 2:1 in Law - a subject that requires good use of language, ds2 is a mathematician (but at his level this seems to involve a lot of words as well as the numbers - just don't ask me to explain further - it is way above my level), and ds3 is reading Geography - so plenty of essay writing there.

I am 100% sure that using a nickname for their grandparents will not make your child illiterate or inarticulate. As long as you and your dp are talking to them, using a varied vocabulary, reading to them and listening to them, they will grow up articulate and able to use, and enjoy complex language.

Honestly - don't fret - it will be fine.

CancellyMcChequeface · 22/04/2017 15:45

From the other side of this, OP, my paternal grandmother preferred to be called Nanny but my mother really, really disliked it (goats, the help, etc - and we were the very opposite of posh so there was absolutely no chance of actual confusion) and made me call her Granny. It was very awkward as I got a bit older and realised all my cousins called her by a different name.

I agree with you that mispronunciations can be grating - I think it's different when it isn't your immediate family's in-joke, if that makes sense. So this mispronunciation is cute for your OH's siblings and their children, but expecting you and your children to use it might seem a bit odd. No easy answers here!

Redlocks28 · 22/04/2017 15:49

child education background

Doesn't everyone? It's called attending school.

You sound overly pious, I'm afraid!

melj1213 · 22/04/2017 15:51

YABU - children develop their own names for things, provided they also learn the correct words/spellings/pronunciations, let them have their nicknames.

My DD was brought up in Spain for the first 6 years of her life, so referred to my parents as Bibi and Abu - nicknames stemming from the Spanish abuela/abuelo for grandmother/father ... these nicknames were then passed on as each new child was born. So now all my nephews/nieces use Bibi and Abu to refer to my parents, even though none of them have ever left the UK for longer than a two week holiday and none of them speak Spanish at all.

mygorgeousmilo · 22/04/2017 15:54

I have a "child education background", and work with vulnerable families. Yet, I still refer to my oldest and closest friends' grandparents by the 'wrong' names that they'd given them as children. We're all professional adults in our thirties, but the names persist. I think it's sweet and sentimental. Take it easy....

ViolentDelights · 22/04/2017 15:56

I gave my grandad a nickname when I was a toddler which stuck. I managed on my own to navigate when I could call him by that name and when to just say "grandad" and it never caused problems. There was a child in my school who referred to her granny as something like "Go-go" though I can't remember it exactly because it was the usual name for granny in her culture. No one batted an eyelid.

The nickname is part of the special bond we had.

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