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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop the 'nicknames'?

200 replies

PrtyPsn · 22/04/2017 08:19

Expecting DS1 very soon and starting to think about when he's here.
OH's parents already have grandchildren from his siblings. When their first grandchild was learning to talk, they mispronounced 'Granny' and 'Grandpa' (as young children often do) it was cute and funny at the time but the in laws encouraged it.
Now, several grandchildren later (all at an age of speaking perfectly well) they all still refer to their grandparents as these mispronunciations.
It really grates on me - I come from a child education background so I know how frustrating it is when children use alternative words for something and teaching children to mispronounce a word is a big pet hate of mine.
So, AIBU to ask them to stop this for my child? It's not a habit I want him to fall into and definitely not something that will happen with any other family members but it's clear they like it as they've done it for years.

OP posts:
alltouchedout · 22/04/2017 09:14

My eldest cousin couldn't say Grampa and all 11 of us grandchildren ended up calling him the word my couain used instead when we were little. He loved it. It's a nice memory for me. YABU.

Leeloo2 · 22/04/2017 09:15

Are you just annoyed because other people's kids can be annoying?

When it's your own you may be pleased that they're not 'growing up too soon' etc.

My dd (3 yo, 2nd child and grandchild) called my dad 'dandad' because she couldn't pronounce the gr sound. It's v cute. She now can say gr and sometimes calls him grandad, sometimes dandad, but secretly we all love when she does the latter as unless she chooses to keep calling him it then soon it'll be a thing of the past.

To me it symbolises the close, trusting, loving relationship they have with my parents.

When we see my in-laws she can't remember who is who (step parent and 1st names used) despite much reminding by us all. This typifies how close they are.

OP at the risk of damaging your children's relationship with your grandparents maybe try and go with the flow?

insancerre · 22/04/2017 09:16

Petty bird
We still have bread skins (crusts) and elephinananants (elephants) and my children are 20 and 27 Grin

BitOutOfPractice · 22/04/2017 09:16

He's frustrated about what his nieces and nephews call their grandparents? Really?

To start with what the actual heck business is it if his? And is he usually an irritable grumpy sod about inconsequential stuff?

In fairness it sounds like you and he are well matched Confused

MitzyLeFrouf · 22/04/2017 09:18

Personally names like Gaggy and Googoo (for example) make me cringe but if they're the family names they're the family names. It would be a bit pointed and precious to try and engineer it so your kids didn't use them. Ultimately you don't get to control every aspect of your child's life and to a large extent the grandchild/grandparent relationship is theirs alone to navigate so if grandchild and grandparent like a cutsie moniker well then that's up to them.

NotYoda · 22/04/2017 09:19

trousers are towfer in our house. And all of u know they are actually trousers and how to spell it

scaffolding is "scattolding"

raisins are "raindits" (?)

and when we see a half moon we say "' 'at (that) moon is broken"

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 22/04/2017 09:20

You seem fixed on the idea of mispronunciation and bad habits, but the other children aren't trying to say Grandma, they are saying e.g. Ganma deliberately, because that is what they call her.

By the way, if you're going to focus on correct language,
(just hoped it would have been politer), it's more polite.

hesterton · 22/04/2017 09:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

homebytheriver · 22/04/2017 09:24

Expressing a preference is reasonable though surely.

I really don't like Nan or Nana. Makes me cringe. If someone is adamant they want to be called Nana well okay but surely at least asking to consider Grandma is fine!

TimeToMoveOnUp · 22/04/2017 09:24

I really need to know what they are called now!

BertrandRussell · 22/04/2017 09:25

"In my family there were mispronounced words, yes we laughed but we also corrected when appropriate and moved on - this is the step I think in laws are missing."

Grin
KateDaniels2 · 22/04/2017 09:26

If someone is adamant they want to be called Nana well okay but surely at least asking to consider Grandma is fine!

Why? Do you normally ask people to go by names that you prefer?

shockthemonkey · 22/04/2017 09:26

Haven't rtft but I studied language acquisition and would just say that

a) having fun with language and words is important
b) motherese is good for mother and child!

So, basically, go with the nicknames

NotYoda · 22/04/2017 09:26

hesterton

No, sorry I didn't mean that! I meant that for those particular grandparents, where another name exists, their name means more to them. It's up to everyone to decide what's special to them. Smile

HerBluebiro · 22/04/2017 09:26

These are now their names. It is one of the perils of not birthing the first grandchild- earlier ones pick the names.

You can choose others. Just seems a bit sad if the grandparents like their pet names (I had one for my grandfather. Kept until the day he died. Referenced in his funeral as this name. Known by school friends by this name rather than as 'biro's grandad'. He and I loved it but i knew the proper words too.... they just were for other people's grandparents not mine).

I had a different name for my grandmother on the other side than my cousins did. They had a pet name. I called her grandma Nora. They were closer to her than I and the pet name reflected this.

If your dh hates the name they call him then he needs to tell his brother/sister so they can gently correct their children. They probably think he likes it. Although if anything like me and my siblings I'd be tempted to encourage my kids if it just irritated my brother rather than really distressed him.

Basically. Calling then grandmother or grandfather is no more correct than gangan and gumpy. But is a fair bit more joyless. But you can teach them whatever names you want. Don't be surprised if they then have names they call their parents to your face which are different to the names they use to their grandparents

InvisibleKittenAttack · 22/04/2017 09:26

OP - your DCs (and their cousins) having a different name for their grandparents than the standard range isn't a 'bad habit' - it's a different name, and it's now not a mispronouciation, it's their grandparent's name.

My children know others who call their grandmother "Granny" "Nana" "Nan" "Gran" "Nanny" and "Grandma" - but that doesn't stop them knowing the 'real' word is "Grandmother". Your PIL having a word that's not one of the standards isn't a bad habit any more than saying "Nan" rather than "Grandmother" is. They are all nicknames.

Perhaps if you come from an educational background you are seeing this purely in terms of eduation and language development, not at all in terms of family relationship development and 'belonging'.

homebytheriver · 22/04/2017 09:28

Why?

Well, because in this instance it's a name describing the relationship between my child and mother which is hypothetical anyway as my mother is long since dead.

Using a name I really didn't like to describe that relationship would grate every time I had to use it.

MackerelOfFact · 22/04/2017 09:28

My grandma and aunt were both always known by my childhood mispronunciations. My grandma absolutely adored it. She in turn always addressed my grandad (her DH) by the nickname his siblings had given him as a child. Nicknames were very popular in that generation - my other grandad was also always known by a name other than his actual name.

Really can't see the harm. It's affectionate and nothing sinister!

muffintopsausage · 22/04/2017 09:28

Calm down princess Hmm

FeedTheSharkAndItWIllBite · 22/04/2017 09:28

I think YABVU.

It's a nickname. WHther they call Grandma Elizabeth "Ganma" or "Elshie" (or Buffy, Elsie, Lizzie etc...). Why would this be something negative?

Sure, if they still couldn't pronounce the word grandma I could definitely understand your concerns. But they can... They're simply using nicknames.

Pansiesandredrosesandmarigolds · 22/04/2017 09:29

Assuming the names aren't Pooface and Fartybum I really can't see the problem.

HoneyDragon · 22/04/2017 09:32

I'm from a child education / language background. Both my children also had speech impediments so I try not project when people say it grates them when children mispronounce words. However they are my kids, Dh and I still affectionately refer to radadatas (radiators) and Pooter (computer) on an everyday basis despite the children being able to pronounce them now.

Before Easter I was asking the children what they would be doing, many were visiting their Gangans, Babas, Bamoas, Narners, Gampy Steven, and so forth. I wasn't exactly hard to ascertain they were their grandparents Hmm

Your kids your issues so do whatever.

But, accept you may well cause hurt to others.

KateDaniels2 · 22/04/2017 09:32

he doesn't like the nickname and it frustrates him when his nieces and nephews refer to them that way.

What 2 other people call their grandparents (2 other people neither of who are him)..annoys him?

You both sound ridiculous

BertrandRussell · 22/04/2017 09:32

Fascinating that if a grandparent offers any opinion about the name of their grandchild there is a massed Mumsnet chorus of "They've had their turn at naming babies" - but if a grand parent expresses a preference about their own name there seem to be people saying they should defer to the wishes of their children/children in law.........Grin

ChocChocPorridge · 22/04/2017 09:34

"Granny and Grandpa" none of our grandparents are called that - so that's already a difference to my family.

You may not have any choice BTW - we tried for years to teach DS1 to call his nan 'nanny' - we all called her that, MIL, FIL, me, DP - all the aunts and uncles, but for whatever reason, he fixed on using her first name, and could not be budged. Both Grandads are still Grandad, and my mum is Nanny though - who knows how kids minds work!