Fajita Friday 2.0 aka Celtic kitchen baby shower extravaganza the second

[GaelicSiog]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2907753-AIBU-with-my-friends

Original thread. Continuing here to throw @Phyllis a virtual baby shower, mumsnet style. Irish heritage and choice parenting optional, sparkly new kitchen plans essential. Fajitas and margaritas on entry. Vegan, of course.

wild, mikey, smeaton, fenella and the rest of the crew, where you at?

Phyllis, there's no point in comparing yourself to your SIL. No doubt she has her own struggles. The only person who can live your life is you.

I think I will still push for a baby shower

Nooooooo! You can't be serious..?!?!!

Who will you push? How far can you push before you push them away completely?

DO NOT PUSH FOR A BABY SHOWER

Tacky. Bad manners. Cringey embarrassing.

Have some class and self respect!!

She sounds very narrow minded if she thinks holidays have to be exotic

Also a bit tacky, tbh. I haven't been to Cornwall yet, would love to visit, only discussing this with DH recently. I would also imagine that people are being encouraged to support British economy atm, etc?

Cornwall is lovely, wild, I recommend it. It's too nice for SIL. Mind, I barely left my little corner of Ireland until I was an adult...

FenellaMaxwellsPony re your job, you and I might know similar people although probably not each other.

It really does sound like you idolise your SIL, Phyllis. Knowing celebs doesn't make her life superior. Make sure you don't idolise her so much that you lose the things that you like because she doesn't like them... like Cornwall (plenty of rich and famous visit down there! Not that that should make a place worth going to or not just that she sounds quite snotty about it and more on the periphery of it hence the snobbery)

Having been entertained immensely over the last few days I firstly want to thank you phyllis for being a huge sport.
What started as a hilarious unbelievable thread has actually been turned completely around.

Your brother married your sil, your husband married you, your friends are your friends, your work employed you, you are you, so be you. Stop trying to be someone else.

Your posts started terribly and you came across as a gf who was so self righteous it was unbelievable. As time has gone on your writing has changed and actually I think you are probably lovely and trying to fit into shoes that you don't need to.

You don't need a baby shower, you need your friends who do love you and are happy for you, you just don't see it because they are not showing it the way your sil decrees it should be. Why? Because you are not your sil and if you were they wouldn't be your friends, maybe that's what you are really sensing from them. Be you, be the real you, not the sil imitating version of you. Your friends will go back to who they have always been because you will.

Enjoy your pregnancy, make your own memories, plant the tree and start your book. Be you, I'm sure it's much nicer than the sil imitation we all met a few days ago. Good luck with with everything and yes we had fajitas tonight in your honour to.

Will definitely consider Cornwall. I have a plan for DH and I to travel around Britain, visiting small villages and picturesque views in our car, having lots of picnics and listening to Radio 4. Sad, much?😂

phyliss Instead of a baby shower, why not hold a "Sip and See"? Bet your SIL didn't have one of them!!!

www.thebump.com/a/sip-and-see-party

Phyllis the way thing you can so for your new family is find your own path. Rather than want to emulate someone else work out what's important to you and your husband. Please don't worry what SIL is doing.

If SIL had more kids I would be wondering if she was my ex's new partner, actually. reads back to count kids

Cornwall is such a beautiful place. Been there many times over the years but only really appreciated it at my best friends wedding. Would I move there? Probably not. Do I want to take dd there when she's a bit older. Absolutely. Would I go for a weekend with the girls. Yes. DP wants his stag do there if we ever get round to marrying.

At the end of the day, Op, we all go home and shit on a bog (excuse the expression) and your SIL shit does smell too! Don't get too hung up on things and I think you'll find you're much happier!

On a side note, I am wheat free (allergies) and wheat free stuff tastes like crap. All I want is fajita. My Fridays are crap without this in my life

The other thing to bare in mind is that labour and parenthood is so hilariously unpredictable you can't really plan. A plan is good, sure, but a plan you're desperate to stick to is a fast track to a breakdown. It's awful but it's true.

Oh god, don't even get me started on bloody labour. Glad I didn't have a plan in place as it all went to shit!
I bet SIL gave birth perfectly without a hair out of place and of minimum fuss!

As fuck ups go, mine was a big one. Actual labour and the follow up. Hospital missed something they could have fixed fairly easily. Ended up back in hospital weeks later because of it

Although it sounds like SIL is having less luck with nephew bonding to new baby

I want to echo what Francis just said, and to say that being perfect and being happy are not the same thing.

Several years ago I planned the perfect wedding. It really was perfect. It was beautiful, and vintage, and trendy and Pinterest-worthy, and detailed. I spent a year carefully crafting everything myself, even infusing my own gin. 4 months before my wedding, my dad got ill, and as the day drew near he got iller and iller. A few weeks before my wedding, he died. We went ahead with the day as per his last wishes, but all that beautiful perfection meant nothing at all without him there. Years later and people still talk about my beautiful wedding. I couldn't care less - the whole day was a blur to me. A year later, when the grief had died down, my husband decided we boils have something that was just ours, no sadness and we flew off to Vegas, and were remarried by Elvis. It was tacky, and ridiculous and silly and I wore a dress from Topshop and we drank ridiculous drinks and ate pizza and partied the night away just the two of us. And that really was perfect. Everything is what you make of it - you can't plan the perfect moment because it isn't always what you thought it would be.

should - not sure where boils came from?!

Interestingly, my sister in law did have a birth plan both times and ended up going through horrendous labours. In fact, she's so put out by the last birth that she doesn't want to give birth again and thinks a third birth will just result in another boy.

Thank you for all your kind words and stories, some of you have really touched me. A lot of what you have said puts things into perspective.

I'll wait to see what happens with the baby shower, if it gets to 8 months and I hear nothing then I'll just plan my own. Some of you have made me laugh with mentioning gender reveal parties (I didn't even know that was a thing?) and people putting up "happy two weeks!" for their baby. I have a friend of a friend from Uni on Instagram and she had her baby next to a card that was congratulating them on being a few weeks old - that is going way too far.

phyllis, is SIL one of these women who doesn't think her life will be complete unless she has a girl? [hopes for a girl for phyllis ;) ]

@GaelicSiog - I'm not sure, to be honest. They want a girl, but she's worried the third one will be a boy and she doesn't want three boys.

Haha! I would love a girl, to be honest. I really want to dress up a mini-me!

I expect she'll have a 'newborn' like SIL. Or a neonate maybe. Wondrous how they so rapidly evolve into 'babies'.
Xander (said 'Zahnder') is great, as an abbreviation of Alexander. As for saying Xavier, the pronunciation depends upon the parents' culture. 'Haviay' and 'Zaveeuh' were in the same infant class, known to other 4/5 year olds as Hav and Zav!
Do baby showers still have elaborate 'cakes' and 'posies' crafted from high quality towels and washcloths?
Wishing Phyllis and everyone else 'expecting' - as Dear Old Mom would say - happy pregnancy, straightforward birth and a beautiful baby! And that's just the beginning!

Thank you! Zaveeuh is how I'd like Xavier pronounced.

I'm not sure about the towels and washcloths, but I'd love a cake! I'd like the baby shower to be a social event where everyone can feel free to drink alcohol (except for me obviously!).

Kids went back to school yesterday. 5.30 am wakes are beyond hellish, particularly when followed by a 19 hour day.

@Phyllis the following were my birth plans:

Dc1:Plan do it all natural and have an idyllic birth (my mum was no help as I'm adopted so she had no experience). That went to shit.
Reality: 18 hours later, 1 epidural and 3 top ups later dc got stuck halfway out (shoulder dystocia) hello drs big hairy hand going somewhere there was no room for it to go.

Dc2 Plan: epidural all the way was the plan.
Reality: Just under 8 hours after my waters broke out comes ds2 not a bother with only gas and air. Twas grand. Until they had to rush me to theatre to remove the placenta.

Dc3 again the plan was take all pain meds possible if needed. I was induced due to a medical condition.
Reality was gas and air only with a 3 hour nap thrown in towards the end of a five and a half labour. Worst part was when they woke me up to push. It was stupid o'clock in the morning and I'm not a morning person. Told them to come back in a few hours and then I'd push. So wasn't an option.

Dc4 Plan: push the baby out as quick and painlessly as possible.
Reality: 8 days of labour which ended in an emergency c-section and a premmie baby.

My point is birth plans are a load of pure shite. Nothing is ever going to go to plan.

As I said before just take things one day at a time and just go with the flow.

I'm not trying to scare you with my birth stories just pointing out that things rarely go how we plan them in our head. I hope have a quick and easy birth I really do. Just don't get yourself worked up over so and so having this that or the other birth plan.

Live YOUR life and nobody elses. You will be so much happier that way.

Ps sorry for the novel.