(Trigger Warning!!!) To think labour pain is not respected by healthcare professionals?

[Goldfishshoals]

Warning: you probably don't want to read this if pregnant/about to give birth!

Three weeks ago I gave birth. I had back labour - truly agonising. The pains started on Friday, but because they were about five-six minutes apart they were arbitrarily considered 'pre-labour' rather than actual labour (despite hurting as much as 'real' labour pains). They continued like that for four days, in which time I obviously got no sleep. I called the midwife for help several times and was fobbed off with 'take paracetamol', which unsurprisingly did bugger all for the intense stabbing sensation in my back every contraction. After one call in which I cried they let me come in (30 mins car ride there and back in pain!) and have a single dose of coedine (barely took the edge off) before sending me home.

On Tuesday my waters broke so I was finally allowed in the hospital for monitoring - I pretty much immediately begged for pain relief. 'of course you can have some!' said the midwife breezily before buggering off for fifteen minutes leaving me in pain. Then she came back and said she just had to ask a few questions then 'we'd see' about getting me some pain relief... I did eventually get given some gas and air.

My contractions never became more frequent on their own and eventually I ended up being induced with epidural - which wore off just in time for me to be fully dialated. First they said they'd get me more - then they said it was too late and gave me gas and air - which they took off me again when it was time for pushing. I begged for pain relief (for anything!) and was ignored. I struggled to push but the pain was overwhelming and stopped me being able to push fully. Baby eventually delivered with forceps, and episiotomy which I could barely feel in contrast to the agony I had been in.

I had third degree tear which needed stitching, and suddenly everything changed. I had an anaesthesitist numb me fully, and keep checking my pain levels for the theatre, I had a few days in hospital with three types of pain relief thrown at me, and I was sent home with boxes of unnecessary coedine etc, for the incredibly minor soreness of the stitches.

When I compare other hospital visits (for being run over by a car as a teen, and a more recent dvt) it's a similar story. My pain was taken a lot more seriously and I was given better pain relief much more quickly, despite them not being nearly as painful as my back labour.

I realise not everyone has back labour, and some people have much less painful births (lucky cows) but surely having high levels of pain isn't that unique? So why wasn't it treated seriously? The only thing I can think of is that labour pain just isn't respected. Aibu to think this?

YANBU. I won't say anything else as I can't even bring myself to talk about it.

My body was designed to have wisdom teeth too, but nobody said I should just suffer through the pain of them coming in (impacted and sideways) because my body was designed to grow them

It wasn't much better suited to pregnancy/birth given hyperemesis closely follower by severe SPD.

Dying in childbirth because your baby has a presentation that makes birth impossible, or because you have a low lying placenta, or, or, or are all natural too. I'd rather go with medical intervention for those too. Rather like the pain in childbirth.

If a woman wants to go the no pain relief, let my body do what comes naturally route then crack right on. But leave those of us who want pain relief the fuck alone to do it our way.

I don't understand how medics and midwives get hardened to pain. I cause pain (and relieve it) every day in my job. I always apologise if I hurt someone. I always stop and add more local if needed. I never hurt anyone intentionally. I have been doing my job 17 years- I would be hardened by now if I was going to be.

Medics and midwives don't get hardened to pain.

They do their best to relieve it.

What a ludicrous statement.

It's not what our bodies were designed for.

Funnily enough vaginal elasticity has not kept pace with healthy, bigger babies. We're not evolving fast enough.

YADNBU. My first was back to back & I waited two hours for an epidural which never came, was then fully dilated & time to push & the midwife took the gas & air off of me too! I've only just gotten over it & he's nearly 4. The pain was horrendous & unsurprisingly the paracetamol they'd given me 5 hours earlier was ineffective.

I was so worried about my second but luckily she wasn't back to back & whilst still very painful did not compare at all to the torture of back to back. I clung to my gas & air for dear life & only took it out once to shout at my husband that he wasn't to let the midwife take it off me. She seemed pretty bewildered that I would even think she might.

I think it really comes down to your midwife and how blasé they are about pain relief.

YANBU, I was fortunate that my midwives in labour were fab, I was in back labour for a few days and will always be eternally grateful to the midwifes who gave me codeine in the early stages, and later on who got me a shot of morphine and a bed to sleep in despite my not being dilated. But I know from speaking to friends that I am very much the exception and was very fortunate, and I shouldn't feel that way about being given pain relief whilst in pain!

This is more another thread, but I think the NCT have a lot to answer for in terms of promoting unrealistic births - and in some cases postnatal depression because women feel they have failed to meet the 'ideal' of a pain relief free water birth!

Diamorphine, not morphine!

Clearly they're not doing their best on a good few occasions, are they Izzy? Going by the experiences here. But thanks for putting us all right with that patronising comment.

Izzy I didn't say it, it was someone up the thread. I was agreeing- I don't think they can- but I do wonder why are so many people suffering such awful experiences?

I had to tell them I had enough they were adamant they could deliver my baby. He weren't coming out gas and air didn't help. I tried pushing for 2 hours he was to big to push out. I ended up with a forceps delivery when he eventually was delivered out of me they did not need to cut his cord it was spongy it fell of.

I begged for pain relief and when he finally arrived to give me the epidural I got told it was to late. The other night I had nightmare that I was pregnant again. The thought of being pregnant again sends shivers down my spine.

Quite Buttery. I like to think the midwife who assisted with DC2's birth was hardened to pain, because if she wasn't she was incompetent or a complete fucking bitch.

The two who took over were just incompetent I think. It's the kindest way to describe them helping me to the shower as I'm disabled. Then left me to sit on the floor of a dirty shower then find my own way back to the ward without my mobility aids.

Those who assisted with DC1's much more medicalised birth on the other hand were amazing and lovely and I will always remember the last one who overstayed her shift by 2 hours to make sure we were all ok.

Medics and midwives don't get hardened to pain.

They do their best to relieve it.

Oh how I laughed at that comment.

I wondered how long it would take for someone to appear and pat us on the heads and tell us to stop being silly

Pages and pages on here of horrific stories of women being terrified and in agony and completely dismissed at their absolute most vulnerable and you come on here and tell us that because that wasn't your experience we must all be making it up??! Can you not see how cuntish that is?!

I have had 4 babies the first 3 births I received a lot of care and support. I had some one rubbing my back holding my hand talking me through it. The last birth the midwife had her head in my notes and I was their in agony with a big baby that wouldn't come out. She made me feel like I was nuisance and he should have fallen out of me. The doctor told me the next morning that I made the right decision to have a forcep delivery. The umbilical cord at the belly end was sponge he could have died.

Midwifes do their best to releave pain. Ha
The midwife at the birth of my son actually told my husband to bully me more and if he did I would be able to push the baby out. She was a cow through and through and it seems there is many like her

I am a midwife and it is absolutely heartbreaking to read this thread. I do t work in LW because, frankly I don't have the stamina to do the 12.5 hour shifts. I think some Ward midwives do end up burnt out or hardened and I am so sorry for those of you who were cared for by people who didn't maker you feel safe and supported. I will say though that all women experience labour differently, and hospital policies are a "one size fits all" guide. Unfortunately this means that the individual needs of women aren't the priority (though they should be). I totally agree that childbirth is a huge feminist issue. A lot of current practice was heavily influenced by campaigning run by the NCT and other groups, protesting about the medicalisation of childbirth.

There is also the issue of lack of staff and resources. As pointed out further upthread, when medication are administered in early/latent labour, women need to be admitted and monitored and there isn't the room or space to do that.

However, no matter how stretched the resources, kindness and listening cost nothing, and if we can't even provide that then it is time for those midwives to leave the profession.

I'm a perinatal mental health nurse so I have heard hundreds of birth stories. I've posted about this several times before but here's what I think. I do believe that childbirth did become massively over medicalised in the '60s and '70s. My DM had 4 children during this period and has vividly described being shaved and given an enema and pretty much strapped onto the bed with her legs in stirrups. Nobody wants to go back to that. I believe that the natural/active birth movement began for totally laudable reasons as a response to that over medicalisation. However, I believe that the pendulum has now swung too far the other way in that a natural/normal birth without pain relief is now seen as some kind of 'gold standard'. The implication of that is that any kind of intervention means that that birth experience is somehow inferior. So you have this kind of hierarchy where the 'perfect' birth is at home without drugs and you lose points for giving birth in hospital, having pethidine, having an epidural, having ventouse or forceps or, the ultimate failure, having a CS. It's become like some sort of gruesome exam where you get an A* for a drug free water birth at home and an automatic fail for an ELCS because you didn't even bother to sit the exam.
I have seen so many women whose post natal depression has been at least partially caused by their plan for a beautiful birth ending in a transfer to hospital and an EMCS.
I think we need to be honest with women - tell them it's a positive thing to learn about birth and think about the kind of birth they want, but also to be realistic and accept that it may not happen and that most of that is beyond their control.
I saw a woman today who is a very high flying lawyer and is in bits about the fact that she had an EMCS after developing pre-eclampsia. She admitted to having quite an obsessive personality and said that she had been preparing for the birth pretty much from the minute she found out she was pregnant. She said that it feels like she has spent months preparing for a race only to not even cross the starting line. I just thought that was such a sad way but look at giving birth to a healthy baby.

I was OK while giving birth. I was three weeks early so not really prepared but when I asked for an epidural I got one within half an hour. Something went wrong though and I ended up with the drip and a ventouse delivery, extra bloodloss and a third degree tear.

It was really in the postnatal wards where it was horrible. I was told to "suck it up, princess" and when I got a hospital infection, was made to feel as though it was because I was a dirty person. Caring for the baby was tough - I had fevers and a blood transfusion and she wasn't feeding very well - and when I was left go home, I felt awful, as though I was incompetent to care for my child. It was just so demoralising. I don't think I'll ever forgive those midwives.

My baby is now nearly two and I still find myself seeking out a professional to tell me I'm a good mother and my baby is doing well.

YANBU. I was traumatized by the pain of DS's birth. DH was also really upset by it (though thankfully he stepped in when the medics wouldn't listen to me - for example when they tried to insert a surprise catheter). At one point I just held his hand and begged him to help me. It was fucking awful.

I was given the option of an epidural but turned it down because they said it would be bad for the baby. I cried as the anaesthetist left because I knew it would only get worse and I didn't know how I could bear it.

I went past the hospital the other day and had a flashback to the pain and the fear I felt when DS got stuck. It was like a nightmare.

I do wonder if it's due to some medieval idea about pregnant women deserving it - original sin and all that. We bring it upon ourselves etc.

cashel you sound lovely! And I'm sorry to midwife bash - I know at least 2 who are lovely, and I can imagine it is a brutally hard job.

I blame NCT for loads of things....my instructor was amazing (so actually that's 3 lovely MW!) and made it v clear that pain relief was harmless to the baby and not in any way a failure. She is French and I think maybe they are more relaxed there?

YANBU. Despite caring midwives etc. I had to go into assertive mode post delivery to put a jumped up nurse in place after she told me, nonchalantly, I'd missed the drugs trolley. I was very polite but fuck me she was getting me those drugs whether she wanted to or not!!

That would not have happened to a patient who had just undergone a different type of major surgery.

Once again, I repeat, YANBU!

Yanbu, although last time i was in hospital i was kept in pain
They couldn't care less.

I must admit I flinch when I meet someone and they tell me that they are a MW.

YABU, the pain isn't like other pain as you aren't injured!

Just so we're all clear, in case anyone were in any doubt, this is scientifically illiterate nonsense. It's no different to any other type of pain. The receptors do not work any differently with labour pain than they do for any other.

I suspect halobean is probably trolling whilst touching themself but this one is actually trotted out enough that it's worth correcting. There isn't good pain or bad pain. Your nerves don't work differently because it's pain with a purpose or whatever.