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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

(Trigger Warning!!!) To think labour pain is not respected by healthcare professionals?

505 replies

Goldfishshoals · 21/04/2017 12:30

Warning: you probably don't want to read this if pregnant/about to give birth!

Three weeks ago I gave birth. I had back labour - truly agonising. The pains started on Friday, but because they were about five-six minutes apart they were arbitrarily considered 'pre-labour' rather than actual labour (despite hurting as much as 'real' labour pains). They continued like that for four days, in which time I obviously got no sleep. I called the midwife for help several times and was fobbed off with 'take paracetamol', which unsurprisingly did bugger all for the intense stabbing sensation in my back every contraction. After one call in which I cried they let me come in (30 mins car ride there and back in pain!) and have a single dose of coedine (barely took the edge off) before sending me home.

On Tuesday my waters broke so I was finally allowed in the hospital for monitoring - I pretty much immediately begged for pain relief. 'of course you can have some!' said the midwife breezily before buggering off for fifteen minutes leaving me in pain. Then she came back and said she just had to ask a few questions then 'we'd see' about getting me some pain relief... I did eventually get given some gas and air.

My contractions never became more frequent on their own and eventually I ended up being induced with epidural - which wore off just in time for me to be fully dialated. First they said they'd get me more - then they said it was too late and gave me gas and air - which they took off me again when it was time for pushing. I begged for pain relief (for anything!) and was ignored. I struggled to push but the pain was overwhelming and stopped me being able to push fully. Baby eventually delivered with forceps, and episiotomy which I could barely feel in contrast to the agony I had been in.

I had third degree tear which needed stitching, and suddenly everything changed. I had an anaesthesitist numb me fully, and keep checking my pain levels for the theatre, I had a few days in hospital with three types of pain relief thrown at me, and I was sent home with boxes of unnecessary coedine etc, for the incredibly minor soreness of the stitches.

When I compare other hospital visits (for being run over by a car as a teen, and a more recent dvt) it's a similar story. My pain was taken a lot more seriously and I was given better pain relief much more quickly, despite them not being nearly as painful as my back labour.

I realise not everyone has back labour, and some people have much less painful births (lucky cows) but surely having high levels of pain isn't that unique? So why wasn't it treated seriously? The only thing I can think of is that labour pain just isn't respected. Aibu to think this?

OP posts:
ItsReginaPhalange · 21/04/2017 19:49

I had a very very quick birth. I begged for an epidural, they knew I was over contracting, I never had a break in between. Midwife stalled and stalled, hours went past. I was only on gas & air. She finally bought in the equipment and started in a really judgemental tone about the time and equipment that was needed. It then got wheeled away as anaesthetist wasn't available!!!! I gave birth to a 10lber with just gas and air. By the time they checked me it was too late, I was 10cm. It was horrific, I felt traumatised. Everyone congratulated me on "doing it myself with no pain relief". Bollocks, next time, if there is one, I am making sure they give me the damn epidural. Never felt so helpless.

MollyHuaCha · 21/04/2017 20:03

At one point in my 46 hour labour I was so overwhelmed by the pain I could not speak. The midwife had turned away the anaesthetist at the door saying "You're not needed, this baby's about to come". In fact baby did not arrive for several more hours until he was yanked out with a ventouse. She also whisked the entenox away telling me I would make myself sick, and instead offered to light me an aromatherapy candle " to take away the pain"Hmm

PollytheDolly · 21/04/2017 20:06

YABU, the pain isn't like other pain as you aren't injured! This pain is natural and telling your body time to do stuff. Honestly what do you think women all over the world do? I have had several children, no pain relief. Obviously some people have emergencies and really issues that need medical help... but most women just get themselves all worked up and into a state. Mind over matter ladies, it really isn't a big deal. It is what your bodies are designed to do.

Don't be such a twat.

degustibusnonestdisputandem · 21/04/2017 20:08

I agree it's pain relief for women in general though. My pain threshold is pretty high, and I was ok with paracetamol after my ELCS for DTDs. Even made it through a dental abscess with cocodamol. However, years earlier, I was admitted to hospital with meningitis and encephalitis. I have never experienced any pain like it - I still get anxious thinking about it to this day, I wanted to die (i almost did) What did they give me? Fucking cocodamol. Did absolutely nothing. Angry

UnbornMortificado · 21/04/2017 20:12

This is why I'm having a Caesarian.

PollytheDolly · 21/04/2017 20:12

She also whisked the entenox away telling me I would make myself sick, and instead offered to light me an aromatherapy candle " to take away the pain"

Did it work? Confused

Good grief, isn't this thread an eye opener....

DavidbowieMime · 21/04/2017 20:14

someone wrote brilliant post on this subject it summed it all up, wish I could remember it - but something along lines of the philosophy behind it - coming from male dominated medical angel etc.

DavidbowieMime · 21/04/2017 20:15

Anyway I had a choice ELC with my second there was no way on earth I was going through that again, it was a breeze compared to the fear and not knowing how things would turn out with labour.

I will fully be encouraging my girls to have one. I believe most female doctors and medics have them too.

DavidbowieMime · 21/04/2017 20:17

instead offered to light me an aromatherapy candle " to take away the pain

Oh yes I had DH doing massage at one point, the poor man didnt stop massaging me for over 6 hours, I panicked when he had to go to the loo, the consultant rolled her eyes when I told her and said - aromatherapy oil really isn't going to touch the pain of a back to back labour.

PollytheDolly · 21/04/2017 20:17

I believe most female doctors and medics have them too.

If that is true, that says it all Sad

DavidbowieMime · 21/04/2017 20:18

At one point in my 46 hour labour I was so overwhelmed by the pain I could not speak

I was like that for 6 hours - I couldnt even move my hand it was pressed against something and I couldnt even move it. Molly I really really hope you complained after - you just cant be in more danger or more vulnerable than in labour and all we can do is complain and make it better for other women who follow us.

SpookyPotato · 21/04/2017 20:25

When I had my booking in appointment, I said I wanted a section due to fear of birth (also had one for my first) and it was all fine.. The midwife said her and her colleagues all had sections as did consultants/consultants wives. It really does say it all.

witsender · 21/04/2017 20:29

Original sin innit. We all deserve it.

Bear2014 · 21/04/2017 20:30

All those saying c-section is the answer, aftercare is crucial - i was left alone for 10 hours shortly after my DD was born and OH was chucked out. Had to ask a dozen times for paracetamol and was totally out of it. Couldn't lift the baby and when the spinal wore off was in agony. The pain lasted weeks all in all and no real solutions were offered. It's not the easy option!

ElisavetaFartsonira · 21/04/2017 20:43

It isn't, but with straightforward elcs and more hospitals offering accelerated discharge, it can be quite a short stay. You're not going home 6 hours later, but equally that's often true of VBs. You'll probably be in longer after complex VB than straightforward elcs.

PossumInAPearTree · 21/04/2017 20:44

Female medics might be more likely to have a lscs (don't know), if true because when working as a labour ward doctor they see the labours/births which are going wrong. They don't come in the room of the nice normal, low risk stuff. I've not known any midwives where I am ask for an elective section.

Women being fobbed off for pain relief gets me on my soap box. Should never happen but sadly I'm aware that sometimes it does. Not right.

Postnatally we've moved from prescribing dihydrocodine, diclofenac amd paracetamol to post lscs women and now it's just paracetamol and ibuprofen which is prescribed as regular. With oramorph on the as required rather than routine sheet. However it's still an option and women should be told it's there if needed.

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 21/04/2017 20:47

Don't be such a twat

polly has summed it up for me

Words to live by Grin

Bear2014 · 21/04/2017 20:48

Yep true. My ELCS (for transverse baby) was fairly complicated, large incision, high blood loss, so while it was fine at the time, the 72 hours following it were awful, and that is when you have a baby to look after and have to keep your shit together. I don't know how some women endured what they described here, but to me having a CS as a way to avoid excessive pain and indignity seems mental. There is no guaranteed way to make it better, within our current very over-stretched system Sad

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 21/04/2017 20:49

bear

it was easier for me but as with anything its not an easy option for everyone Thanks

Bear2014 · 21/04/2017 20:57

Rufus absolutely, thanks Flowers

Worth bearing in mind that medics, friends and family of medics etc probably get special treatment and private rooms to recover in after their sections. I know my friend did who is a nurse.

MollyCule · 21/04/2017 21:04

YANBU.. sorry haven't read the whole thread but I had a very similar experience with my first last summer. It has really affected me.

I really believe that if men had to do it they would be given an epidural (or some form of pain relief) at the first twinge. In our culture it seems to be acceptable for women to be in pain. Like Eve's punishment. During my labour (pre epidural), I wanted to die. I thought it would be better if me and the baby died. I went for a debrief meeting afterwards which helped me but I'm still upset about the whole thing.

To be honest I think the NCT and some pregnancy classes have something to answer for here as well, I remember our NCT 'teacher' (?) going on about how it's not 'pain'. I find this really fucking offensive.

I understand that they will intervene (to speed things up) for certain reasons including if you have reduced movement for example. Apparently excrutiating pain experienced by the mother is not reason enough.

Etaina · 21/04/2017 21:25

YANBU and agree that we need a MN campaign on this.

Similar story here with DD1. Induced, back to back labour, absolute agony, only one midwife looking after a few patients and no consultant on duty. Monitor alarms kept going off as DD in distress. It was absolutely the worst experience of my life. Doctors didn't really know what to do but luckily DH took control and said they needed to perform an EMCS. I really had trouble bonding with DD1 (still feel traumatised 18 years later).

Then moved house and a neighbour was married to a surgeon. She told me that her DH insisted that she have a CS because he said that it is safer.. He also said that he spends a lot of his time repairing the terrible damage done to some women who give birth naturally.

So, with DC2 and 3 , I told the hospital I wanted ELCSs and I'm so bloody glad I did. Both births were really positive experiences.

SpookyPotato · 21/04/2017 21:26

Yeah an ELCS isn't the best option for everyone but I certainly think it should be presented as an accessible choice to all pregnant women. I had a hard few days recovering each time (pulling my wound drain out- fuck that hurt!) but I would take that any day over what many women giving birth on this thread have been through. Again though, some women have harder cs recoveries of course. But for me it was the easy option.. felt fine after a week, no damage downstairs, no flashbacks, nothing traumatic to reflect on, no internal examinations, no unpredictable labour, no hours of contractions. I know many, many women have okay births but I couldn't risk it.. look at all the trauma on this thread. I don't think people should have to fight for sections like some do.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 21/04/2017 21:38

I think first births are very very tricky and should be treated very differently to second births

My second birth was fast / the pain was manageable as (a) I was rocking in a chair and standing and (b) 2 hours of intense pain is manageable - whereas 48 clearly isn't and (c) my body had done it before and Frankly my vagina had stretched !

Honestly to god I have had womb surgery and fuck me it was tough tough tough . After a natural birth you can literally pop out of bed and have a shower

ScissorBow · 21/04/2017 21:43

@LuxuryWoman2017 12.38 post

Says everything I 100% agree with.

*No, I don't think you are Aibu, there is a lot of disrespect (for want of a much better word) around labour and after the birth. Post natal wards can be hellish, the way a woman can be spoken to if she finds breastfeeding difficult, the being sent home after just a few hours, often bewildered and in pain.

I do think it's because it's a woman thing, I really do. There are still cultures where a woman is expected to rest for a month after giving birth and do little other than feed her child. We are expected to just get on with it and I don't think it's good enough. With resources so stretched though I don't know what can be done.

It was certainly the most all consuming pain I ever felt and I can't think of any other syndrome/illness/condition where a person would be expected to put up with it, if pain relief is at all possible.*