Should my DH high salary exclude him from doing jobs at home

[Shout]

I am at stay at home home Mum with 2 DS my husband has quite an important job and his salary reflects it. Everytime he has to work weekends or evenings he says that is what I am being paid for.

My biggest grip is that he is getting lazier around the house, meal plates left at the table coke cans around the house, cuff links ties left out and gets more out,gets changed from work, suit and dirty washing left on bed for me to clear wet towels ,floor. The kids get 10 mins of play fighting then he watches his programs/or is on the computer.If he doesn't want to do anything he just ignores it or says its not a problem eg tyres are not flat, toilet isn't blocked!

When ever I get cross that he doesn't do his fair share he says in a jokey mannner but I get paid so much.
I asked him several times to make an appointment to discuss situation he kept avoiding it, I wrote him a letter explaining how I felt, it took him 3 days to get round to reading it and never responded.

I am back to comfort eating putting on weight and feeling crap about myself, hence all physical contact is virtually non exsistent.

Any advise out there?

Sorry to hear that ernest.

I do think that working long hours away from your family over an extended period of time isn't the best way to build close family relationships. I would rather not have the long hours/highly paid job if it meant one partner/parent seeing significantly less of their family. Just my opinion. It may work for some but I know it wouldn't work for us.

you know I read the OP and then scanned the thread waiting for Xenia to come and say that women were drudges and that she should get a job and out-earn him

and there you go, she did

Xenia this kind of repetitive posting is surely something that a secretary could take care of, isn't it? leaving you to do something high powered and important? It's not like you ever say anything new

or perhaps you have a special software programme to make your posts for you...

ah but vcappy when i jokingly suggested xneia spread her wit elsewher( and che can eb very funny)YOU poo pohed me

did I?

why did I do that?

was it late? had I been drinking?

Ernest sorry to hear that. When as many men are at home whilst their wives are out earning a fortune and probably playing away I may shut up.
And yes, I haven't had that good experience with men but I hope I've just been unlucky and I do know there are men out there who don't have these views, so that's good but there are enough men that are to make me think women are better off protecting themselves by earning a lot of money.

you did you mare

i love xenia
but i want her on other threads

Being a housewife can be demeaning but it doesn't HAVE to be. Just because one person may have felt demeaned or subservient, doesn't mean all SAHMs feel that way. I guess Shout sees herself as a MUM and not a housewife and that is why she is cross with her DH for being so inconsiderate and shirking his duties as a Father.

Shout, my instinct is to shout 'Don't let him treat you like this!' but I know it may not be that easy. Can you get a cleaner/plumber/mechanic to do some of the jobs that he won't. Surely he can't argue with this if he earns so much?

Don't let your DH chip away at your self respect, just because he earns loads. Actually don't let anyone try and demean you just because they earn loads of money and leave others to do the crap/hard jobs.

It is true, some men think it is ok to pay for nanny, cleaner and the odd prostitute or crumpet on the side. After all they can buy anything they want.

But WHO would want to live with that kind of man ?

Even a 25 stone woman shouldn't and wouldn't put up with this kind of crap.

xenia, is this more about independance issues for you?

if he earns bucketsful, why not outsource all the shite (cleaning, washing, ironing)?

being at home to raise your kids doesn't mean you have to do all the chores too, esp if you're well off

Hire the staff, yes. If my teenagers leave a mess it doesn't matter because someone other than me cleans it up. Also get one of his colleagues to flirt with you when he's around at a work do so he realises what he might lose or leave out a job offer showing you've been offered more than he earns.

My husband and I have this issue too. It's a bit of a tough one, and will never ultimately be resolved as far as I can see, you just need to find a happy medium. Personally I'm still searching for that medium!

I can see his point that he's out at work all day, but I've just given up work as we've moved. My job paid almost as much as dh's, and I found it very rewarding and fulfilling, and actually almost easier than being at home all day. I just can't agree that going out to earn all the money is necessarily the hardest job. Being at home is hard - and I've only got one child! I think my dh is lazy and uses the work thing as an excuse. He's spouted it so much since we moved it's ridiculous. In fact, he got made redundant, but still felt he was justified in sitting on his ar$e because he had spent 5/30/60/90 minutes that day looking for a job that would bring in the money! I just laugh at him and give him a job to do, and then he actually will do it.

Sorry, I've waffled, but just wanted to let you know your dh is not the only lazy one out there. I think that's all it is, rather than arrogance, which to me is a good thing.

Xenia - don't tell me you are bringing your children up to be lazy slobs who perpetuate the "everything domestic is dross" myth?

That is NOT the way forward for feminism or marital harmony.

I´m a SAHM, DH is paid a packet, as I was before I chose to stop work. I´ve never had any issues such as those Shout has raised and would never tolerate such poor behaviour in any relationship. Xenia, I can imagine myself talking like you 20 ears ago and think it is very sad to have such a poor opinion of men in general. Shout, good luck with how you choose to deal with the situation. I hope you take your DH´s behaviour in hand before the situation becomes intolerable for you. Good luck.

well xenia, perhaps you'll be happy and impressed to hear that my dh's mistress is out at work earning loads of money while her dh is at home, unpaind sahd, so boot is on other foot.

Haven't read the rest - but in my view dishes should make the sink, pants the laundry box, towels the towel rail etc.. I don't care what you ear I am not you skivvy walking around after you - not only that it gives your children a bad message - daddy does it, so I can do it...

ok, all you SHAM's bumming how much your dh's earn

give us figures!

then I'll answer your posts

Gone back and fully read original OP - I'd give him one more warning and then put it all in a black bin bag and tell him to sort it if he wants it...

Xenia 'employ someone else to do these dross jobs' - yeap another woman - so much for solidarity - but, hey, I don't suppose you give a sh*t about that...

ernest are you okay?

actually xenia it does matter if your teenagers leave a mess. It matters because if they get constantly tidied up after, whether it be by a parent or paid help, they end up like shout's dh, unwilling to take personal responsibility for themselves, thereby perpetuating this outdated situation!

xenia you never answered my question?

blimey xenia, your advice re flirting with a colleague of her DH's is of the 17 magazine variety. Leave out a letter showing you could earn more than him....god! How about talking, communicating, valuing each other in an adult, mature way!

I'm nit picking your posts I know but your comments are unbelievable.

No wonder relationships split if they are based around schoolgirl stuff like this. What you suggest are not adult, mature ways of grown ups conducting a loving relationship.

hey blackduck, guess what? my cleaner's a man

"This is why women should never be housewives. It's demeaning and subservient and always leads to situations like this. "

Always?

Does it bollocks.