to resent the lack of time I get with my DC?

[Hoptastic53]

I have three, soon to be four DC. They are 2, 6 and 8. I recently went part time because of childcare difficulties due to DP working unpredictable hours. I was looking forward to having more time with the DC but I still feel like I hardly get any quality time with them.

Yesterday, for example:

7 - I get up, make packed lunches, shower, feed dogs.

7.35 - wake DC, get 2 yo dressed and ready, then begin the battle to persuade school hating 6 yo to get ready.

8.10 - downstairs to breakfast
8.30-9.10 - walk to school and back
9.30-11 - toddler group
11.15 - 12 - food shopping
12.15-1.15 - put shopping away and lunch
1.15 - 1.30 - stories with DD
1.30 - 2.15 - walk DD to sleep while walking dogs
2.15 - 3 - hang washing out, hoover, tidy while DD sleeps in pushchair
3-3.40 - walk to school and back
3.40 - 4 - get kids snacks and unpack bags
4.10 - leave to collect DD from after school club
4.30 - dentist appointments for DCs
5.00 - exercise dogs while DCs play at park
6 - arrive home and Cook tea
6.30 - 7.15 - eat tea and wash up
7.15 - 7.45 - get washing in and put away, get uniforms ready for the next day
7.45 - 8.15 - get all DCs showered
8.15 -8.35 - bedtime stories
9 - all DC asleep

This is typical of a day though 9 was actually an earlier bedtime than usual. So in total I probably had half hour quality time with my two year old during the entire day, and none with the older ones. Yes, I see them more but I'm always busy and never have time to just focus on them like I want to. DP thinks I'm lucky to be part time but actually he probably gets more time with them even though he's full time. Am I really badly organised or do other people find they have little quality time with their DCs?

Oh dear. Just seen that you said DP not Dh.
I agree you are taking a risk by reducing your income.
What measures have you got in place wrt your finances should anything go wrong/happen to your DP?

I think it comes down to how you define quality time. I think a lot of what you are doing IS quality time but you're not thinking of it that way as it's not fitting your idea of quality time.
Honestly, it sounds like quality time because the children are enjoying themselves and you are there with them!
What is it you think should be different? Ie perhaps you have in mind an exclusive half an hour a day with each child alone discussing their day. But a) Ain't nobody got time for that and b) I bet your children wouldn't actually enjoy it.
My dad who worked all hours and wasn't very involved with us would "sit us down" from time to time and quiz us about our school life etc. It was like an interview, I hated it and my mind would go blank!
The easiest chats with children are off-pressure situations where you're doing something else (driving, cooking etc).
Don't underestimate just being there. My littlest likes to snuggle in my lap while she watches Frozen and I do my online shop on the tablet.
On Fridays I work from home and my husband finishes early. My 12 year old says it's his favourite time of the week "with all the family together again". No matter that he just goes off to pay xbox in his room - sometimes just being around is all they need.

Trouble is everyone sees "the perfect world" of parenting in adverts/on telly/ in magazines/books etc and thinks that that is how it should be.

Whereas real life is just bumbling along amongst the chaos.

Some mornings when mine were younger I used to wake up and think "Groundhog day"... everything on repeat from yesterday. Other days "how the heck can I fit all that into one bloomin day".

But now they are teens and I hardly see them - they are independent young women who run their own busy schedules and try to fit in some quality time with their mum.

Our tips would be:

one night a week is board game night TV off, gadgets off - all at the table after tea stuff is cleared and a couple of hours of Cluedo/Destination/Labyrinth /tiddly winks - whatever was age appropriate.
shopping done on-line once a week and delivered during the daytime on a non-work day. Top up, milk or whatever bought whilst on the school run in the morning.
dogs taken to a groomer every 8 weeks - they shed less and smell nicer for longer.
appointments (dentist/hair/whatever) are kept for school holidays, no faffing after school and before tea.
have more than one set of uniform - the kids get one set - complete - shirt/skirt/undies/tights or socks - out of the drawer (our drawers were in our room - no room in theirs) and put it on a chair in their room at bedtime whilst putting the other in the washbasket before showers.

all were little things that evolved over the years for us.

I think you have unreasonable expectations of quality time. To me taking a child to toddlers or the park is quality time.

If I were you I'd do shopping online or get your husband to do it and cut out some of the activities and not have any dogs but you don't seem willing to change anything.

Make lunches for the next day at lunch time to get that out your morning.

Why does it take so long to get 2 uniforms ready? Your 8 year old should be able to get themselves sorted, my 6 and 5 year olds do this.

I think 9 pm is too late for bedtime the fact you are having to wake them telks you that. Being tired and probably grumpy can't help in the mornings. Staggering bedtimes would help with giving you a bit more one on one time. That's how I get individual time with my four.

Whoever said OP was feeling it at the moment because of expecting it to be easier PT was right.

Honestly OP I think that might be it, combined with general pregnancy exhaustion. You were thinking life would feel easier. But you have a 2 year old to look after, which on its own is harder than some jobs, and then two more for some of what would be your old working day. One of whom is very hard work (and I can only conclude the people telling you the walk to school is quality time haven't read what you said about the school refuser). So of course your life hasn't got any easier.

Op I have 3 dc with asd and additional disabilities. 2 homeschooled, one part time (and homeschooling is most definately not some magical answer ime, just a necessity at the moment) and I don't feel we have much quality time. They are very needy anxious kids and respond best if they get one to one time, which then makes the others jealous and me even more guilty.

I think you will find this is the bigger issue than all the rest of it. Do you have some support for this? Could you look into local support groups for this? Or meet a family type things or home start. (We didn't do any of that so I'm not the best source)

School refusal is so so hard, mine are at home because of this. Read about school phobia- redefining it as a medical need helps. The explosive child book is useful. Do you have any 1 on 1 times with your 6yr old? Maybe doing something theraputic like horse riding or sensory group? And for us to survive dh does a lot with the kids, round the house, giving me a break and we pay a cleaner and accept the house is often a tip.

It seems strange that you don't count bedtime stories as quality time.

I'm not sure what quality time with a toddler would look like ?
Such a strange post. You choose to have a large family, you choose to have dogs - something i never quite understand when people then complain about the extra work, you choose to look after someone else's DC so you "have" to go to toddler group.

OP if you want to make changes it's within your gift to do so.

There's been some good suggestions already.

Can the elder two unpack their own school bags, and maybe get their uniform ready for the next day whilst you fix their after school snacks. Those square box style free standing units from places like Ikea are good for things like that. The kids will be used to putting their stuff in particular places at school so it shouldn't be a huge ask of them.

Can washing up be a family thing. I wish I had done this with mine when he was young because he now seems to have an issue about touching other people's dirty plates (or it could be an excuse). One could collect cutlery in a basket, another one cups and another scrape plates and stack. You could wipe round while they did this then all you need to do is plonk the stuff in hot water to soak or load the dishwasher if you have one.

The walk to school sounds stressful, would a kids scooter help? Kids love scooters so if it was used as a mode of transport to school then it could be seen as fun. Although it could also go terribly wrong but maybe worth a think, you know your own kid.

Get rid of the dogs and the after school activities or change your definition of quality time. Your definition of ' quality time' is difficult to come by in a large family.

I did wonder as pp said, if everything seems more draining because you are pregnant?

You are spending quality time with them..really failing to see the problem here.

Btw please don't just ditch your dogs as seems to be suggested a lot on this thread. That's awful.

I'm a single parent through no fault of my own working 50 hours a week over 6 days to pay a mortgage and bills by myself.
I would love to go back to the life you just described and it sounds like you spend a lot of quality time with your children, a lot more than most do please be grateful and realise it could be much worse and just enjoy it. My children are missing out but I have no choice, yours certainly aren't.

I do wonder why you have taken on someone elses toddler. When do you get a break? Is it a reciprocal arrangement?

Part of the reason some of us have a small family is because we want to spend more time with each of them.

I'm sorry if that is unpalatable.

Yes, this.

Your life sounds pretty normal. Life with toddlers (and a baby) is more often firefighting than anything else.

Now that my kids are a bit older, I find 'quality time' with them in banal places, it's rarely on a beautiful walk or some such. More often it's cooking dinner together or chatting during a long wait in the orthodontist office or whatever. It will get easier as they get older.

Looking at you OP I would class a lot of that as quality time. I would love to take my DC to groups. Heck, I'd love to be able to actually take them to school myself.

*your OP

OP what would you consider as quality time?

It's not unpalatable, just unhelpful.

I would say this was less about having multiple kids,and more about having kids at school. Naturally they are out of the house most of the day, so you can't see them!

I think your day sounds lovely. I don't know what the difference is between 'time' and 'quality time' tbh.

You don't seem very prepared to consider some of the suggestions on here. If I were feeling like you are I'd ditch the dogs and gets cleaner. And maybe ditch toddler group if its getting in the way of quality time.

This seems pretty normal and if you didn't have the dentist/food shop that day you could be of the floor playing with the pre schoolers earlier in the day/out in the garden with all of them later?However I get where you are coming from.Having young children goes so quickly .Maybe let things slide on the housework front at the weekends and just focus on them?I work 5 days a week -no cleaner/gardener and a husband who works long hours I've had to really lower my expectations (standards!) around the house so the kids don't miss out on time with me.

You have a lot more time with your kids than a lot of people do! This is my day today (I am 33 weeks pregnant with DC2 and have a 10 year old)
7am-Both get up, I currently having to help DD a lot as she has a broken arm. So dressed, fed etc.
7:40-Leave the house.
8-Drop DD off at music lesson.
8:30-Arrive at work.
4:30- Leave work, pick DD up from grandparents/friends/choir/wherever she is that day.
5-Get home, Bath DD.
6-DD walks to youth club.
6-8 I make lunches, cook dinner, tidy up, feed the hamsters etc...
8:30-DD gets home and eats.
9:15-DD goes to bed.
9:30 I go to bed!

I count youth club as quality time, yes I'm not with her but she loves it, she will remember it is something I gave her the opportunity to do. She spent the Easter holidays out playing on her bike, at the park, going to the shop etc. It is very rare that we sit down and play, but she has fun, we have a close relationship.

I do have an OH but he isn't her dad so I have all responsibility fro DD in the week.

No offence but get over it. We all have kids and lives to juggle.

"Get rid of the dogs" - can only be said by people who have not let dogs into their lives -

the dogs are part of the family,

ask a child if you can just give their dog away, send it for rehoming, possibly being put down because there are too many dogs waiting. How barbaric and horrific.

Don't GET a dog, I can understand, you would not add a time consumer to the mix, but "get rid" NO!!!! bloody heartless.