to resent the lack of time I get with my DC?

[Hoptastic53]

I have three, soon to be four DC. They are 2, 6 and 8. I recently went part time because of childcare difficulties due to DP working unpredictable hours. I was looking forward to having more time with the DC but I still feel like I hardly get any quality time with them.

Yesterday, for example:

7 - I get up, make packed lunches, shower, feed dogs.

7.35 - wake DC, get 2 yo dressed and ready, then begin the battle to persuade school hating 6 yo to get ready.

8.10 - downstairs to breakfast
8.30-9.10 - walk to school and back
9.30-11 - toddler group
11.15 - 12 - food shopping
12.15-1.15 - put shopping away and lunch
1.15 - 1.30 - stories with DD
1.30 - 2.15 - walk DD to sleep while walking dogs
2.15 - 3 - hang washing out, hoover, tidy while DD sleeps in pushchair
3-3.40 - walk to school and back
3.40 - 4 - get kids snacks and unpack bags
4.10 - leave to collect DD from after school club
4.30 - dentist appointments for DCs
5.00 - exercise dogs while DCs play at park
6 - arrive home and Cook tea
6.30 - 7.15 - eat tea and wash up
7.15 - 7.45 - get washing in and put away, get uniforms ready for the next day
7.45 - 8.15 - get all DCs showered
8.15 -8.35 - bedtime stories
9 - all DC asleep

This is typical of a day though 9 was actually an earlier bedtime than usual. So in total I probably had half hour quality time with my two year old during the entire day, and none with the older ones. Yes, I see them more but I'm always busy and never have time to just focus on them like I want to. DP thinks I'm lucky to be part time but actually he probably gets more time with them even though he's full time. Am I really badly organised or do other people find they have little quality time with their DCs?

[Underthemoonlight]

It sounds like a typical day for me, I don't understand why your moaning about quality time when you have 3dcs and one on the way whilst also having the commitment of looking after dogs. Those are the choices you've made.

[MrsGB2225]

If that was my day (cleaning, toddler group, park) I'd be pretty pleased. Bedtime is late though. It's easier if you do online shopping and put food in the slow cooker in the morning so they don't eat so late.

[OhDearToby]

I'm afraid it does sort of sound like a typical day. I'm in a similar situation (one dc at school, a toddler, pregnant and a dog) and its just what you have to do to keep the house ticking over.

To me alot of what you describe is quality time though. The walk to and from school is talking time, as is eating dinner together. Food shopping is apparently really exciting if you're a toddler, so is doing the washing and walking the dog.

[skerrywind]

Op you spend nearly 2 hours a day walking dogs.

Or 14 hours a week.

[Reow]

My suggestions would be

Do online shopping, delivered once a week
Batch cook and freeze
Do the dogs really need 3 walks a day? Can you afford a dog walker?
Hoover every other day

[GetAHaircutCarl]

OP when you worked full time who did the tasks that are now filling your time?

[Believeitornot]

Why not try and tackle why your eldest hates school? Then you'd have a nice walk.

Also your DH can do stuff as he's not out all the time. What about a cleaner?

[solittletime]

OP was just having a moan surely we all have days when it all gets on top of us and we wonder if we are doing something wrong or maybe if other people are more organised.
I went from 2 to 3 DC and thought I was prepared for dividing my attention but realise I had underestimated quite how difficult it would be with a baby!

It's fine, and at the moment I'm a sahm, and I still feel like I could do more. In fact because I have that extra time I feel more guilty for not using effectively with the DC.

Yesterday we had a successful day because I suddenly decided to get dcs involved and they did a menu plan and one of them came shopping with me ( easter holidays still here).

If you can afford it maybe get extra help! Cleaner? Part time Nanny for baby and toddlertoddler.
Or a dog Walker? ( I'm not a dog owner not sure how it works)

[WeiAnMeokEo]

I don't think OP is moaning! We seriously need more sisterhood on this board - to me it reads like she's got the mum guilt bad, is knackered and it's compounded by preggo hormones.

OP you are doing an awesome job by the sound of it. As others have said, just by being there for your kids you are making memories - it doesn't have to be structured play all the time.

Easier said than done, but cut yourself a break if you can. 4 kids and 2 dogs AND work makes you a bloody warrior IMHO!

[KellyBoo000]

I really don't mean to sound harsh but you are prioritising things other than quality time which will limit the quality time. 2 hours of gymnastics in the evening for school age children will drastically reduce the quality time you can spend with them. If it's one a week it's fine, but if there are similar activities every night then you are prioritising that over the quality time.

Same with getting the uniforms ready during the afternoon- if you do it once the kids are in bed, you get more time with them. It will impact the rest of your evening but then that's the choice you have to make- time with the children or time to yourself.

Being a parent to 3 children is hard, especially with another on the way, so I do sympathise!

[KellyBoo000]

Also I agree with PP's that it sounds a lot like mum guilt. Some of these things might not seem like quality time right now but having memories of their mum picking them up from school every day, taking them to the activities they love, to play at the park etc will definitely feel like quality time to your kids so don't be so hard on yourself.

[picklemepopcorn]

IT looks like your children have a great life- Pets, excercise, activities, all good stuff.

Like other posters said, reset your brain so you see meal times, shower time, etc as quality time.

Practically, think about batch cooking and Internet shopping. Also, how about keeping the DCs with you in a walk instead of them on the playground? You can do scavenger hunts, hide and seek... Depending where you walk, of course.

[HotelEuphoria]

Sorry OP I read this list and thought, oh...I did all this and worked full time too with a DH that worked away all week. Ok so I only had two DC but that's because I knew I could neither cope with or afford any more.

[burninglikefire]

Like mummybear, I used to get my 4 DC up earlier than necessary, so the morning was chilled. We generally managed about half an hour of stories after breakfast and then set off for school in a non-panicked way. (This didn't always work!)

[witsender]

What would you do during quality time, what does it look like?

Why does your 6 year old hate school?

Those are the two things jumping out at me. Answer those and you may be able to make some changes. Having a school refusing child is hugely stressful emotionally.

[witsender]

And don't worry, 4 kids is hardly 18 kids and counting.

[Ragwort]

I never understand these threads - presumably you made a choice to have four children and dogs - no wonder your life is so busy.

I made a choice to have one child and no dogs (and I am not at all houseproud - lucky if I hoover once a fortnight) - my life is completely relaxed - I have plenty of free time to do exactly what I want - whether that is spending 'quality' time with my child (now a teenager so he doesn't want to be seen with me) or working part time/doing voluntary work/hobbies or loafing around on Mumsnet.

[solittletime]

Also you say ' I recently went to part time'. It's an adjustment and takes a while to find the right balance.
Personally i found I was more organised when working full time. Takes a special kind of organised to do part time work and sahm in my experience!!!

[wherethewildthingis]

I work full time so don't see my son at all between 8am and 6pm five days a week. My weekends look like your weekdays to be honest, desperately trying to catch up on jobs while attempting to have some quality time with him!

Not saying that to put the boot in but honestly, I think you need to appreciate what you have.

One thing I would suggest is that you are getting up very late in my eyes. I get up at five in the week and go for a run and do chores before waking my son at six. This means we do get some time together in the morning before work.

[Hoptastic53]

I'm tackling why she hates school, she's under a paediatrician and being assessed for autism.

Of course I'm not going to ditch our dogs We all love them and the DC and I enjoy walking them. They do walk them with me too, not always play on the playground, but because they don't have my undivided attention I still feel guilty.

I can't do washing up and uniforms when they're in bed because 6 yo would be disturbed and wake the whole house. I have tried.

I still did all this when I worked FT but I ran errands at lunch or popped home to hang washing out and so on so it didn't feel any busier.

I don't think half hour is long for cooking tea and batch cooking wouldn't really reduce it much by the time accompaniments are cooked as well as a different meal for 6 yo made because she wouldn't eat anything batch cooked.

[Believeitornot]

What about having some white noise for your 6 year old to cover any noises? We used to do that. Or can you move her bedroom?
Or stick the washing on just before you leave the house for school and sort it out later?
Also the bedtimes look quite late to me even with the later wake up. I would have an earlier bedtime, earlier wake ups and you get better time.

[CheerfulMuddler]

I think you're beating yourself up unnecessarily. You took your daughter to toddler group. You took your kids to the park for an hour. You spent three quarters of an hour reading stories with your children. You ate three meals with them. All those things are the definition of quality time!

Are you saying you feel like you ought to be playing games with them and doing craft instead? Because, bluntly, it sounds like you have active, social kids, who like running around and spending time making friends. And you've tailored your day to what THEY want, which is the definition of good parenting.

Yes, as other posters have said, you could spend an hour and a half with your DN and DD at home doing potato printing instead of going to toddler group. But if your DD is a sociable little girl who loves other children, how does that benefit anyone?

I think you're doing a great job.

[skerrywind]

OP so you are already feeling resentful about the limited time you spend with your kids........so you are having another.

I must be missing something here.

[madbonkersmad]

I have 4 DD (15-2) and work full time. Quality time with my girls is hard as we also have DP 2 x DS eow.

I constantly feel guilty but I have to work and the older ones respect me for it. I try my best to forget about the housework on the weekends and do as much as I can during the week.

Life is busy with 4 kids (6every other weekend)

[Apachepony]

What is the obsession with early bedtimes on mumsnet? How is asleep at 8, up at 6 any better time than asleep at 9, up at 7/7.35? Personally I would hate to be up at 6