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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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AIBU with my friends?

999 replies

PhyllisNights · 19/04/2017 21:24

I'm the first one in my social group to get pregnant. I talk to my friends on a daily basis through WhatsApp and see them all in person at least once a week.

As it's my first pregnancy, I'm very excited. I can't stop talking about it. I'm so lucky, so happy, so fortunate & so privileged. My baby feels so special, like I know my baby will do something incredible in this world - I can feel it!!

And yet, my friends have started to turn on me. They've become very jealous. They make snide remarks, they mimick me & give me side eye. I feel like my pregnancy is the butt of all the jokes.

I can't help that I've been so blessed and so fortunate to get pregnant out of my friends first. I went to college, uni, started a professional career first & got married first. I've just always been up step ahead - I can't help it!!

Would it be unreasonable to sit my friends down and ask them to stop being so negative? I want to ask them to support me better and help me out.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
PeachPants · 20/04/2017 11:13

Oh BadLad - that is a seriously difficult choice!!

ohifonlyicould853 · 20/04/2017 11:16

Is this AIBU a joke, OP? Can't really believe someone has written this other than tongue in cheek and to spark off a conversation :)

GaelicSiog · 20/04/2017 11:21

I guess I had a baby shower, actually. My friend called my parents and told them I was in labour. Parents had no idea I was even pregnant. Mam went into work in a total state and got sent home, colleagues collected up all their baby clothes they weren't using, someone went out and bought nappies and various other baby supplies. Sister dropped round and assembled her dc's cot that had been sat in the attic at mine while I was in hospital. I guess that kind of counts as a baby shower. If you're as organised and winning at life as the op is, you probably don't need a baby shower.

elisa2502 · 20/04/2017 11:21

I can't have children. A friend like you would drive me insane.

RuggerHug · 20/04/2017 11:24

Baby showers are generally seen as the height of tack BTW, it's not really much of a Thing here unlike in the US.

Can we please find some way to have this posted on every baby shower thread? I found out last week someone was thinking of planning one for me and cringed. Is OP going to update on how she nominates the honoured hostGrin

TiredMumToTwo · 20/04/2017 11:42

Ha ha ha ha - love it!

ItsCakeTime · 20/04/2017 11:54

Is that you DN????

Wondermoomin · 20/04/2017 11:55

OP are you in the UK? Baby showers are not really par for the course for most people (at least, not for most people I know - thank god).

Also - nobody likes someone acting like the first woman to ever get pregnant and I'm afraid that's how you come across. Very self absorbed, "me me me".

AIBU with my friends?
Aridane · 20/04/2017 11:56

I don't know whether this thread is for real so have reported.

LadyPW · 20/04/2017 11:57

Smeaton - now that I got excited about! But tiles on the floor, definitely. Nice ones though. Or naice if you can afford them. And I'm sure you could have a kitchen where you could 'do something incredible in this world' - a lasagne or a cake maybe?!
That's the thing about a kitchen - even if it's someone else's you can appreciate it, aspire to it, nick ideas for your own etc. A pregnancy is just a pregnancy. It's like being fat with hormones. What's good about that. You don't even have a cute baby for them to look at yet.
Could we have some kitchen pictures though so we can really appreciate how bad they're being?

MiddleClassProblem · 20/04/2017 11:58

Aridane MN looked into it last night and then it came back this morning so guessing it's all clear

Sanchezwasntdirty · 20/04/2017 11:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 20/04/2017 12:00

@PhyllisNights - a baby shower is not a right. You do not get to demand that your friends throw you a party and give you things. That would be the very definition of entitled and rude.

I'm sorry that you haven't felt that you have been supported here - but you have misunderstood the sort of support that is on offer here.

We are not going to blindly tell you that you are right - frankly, letting someone carry on with behaviour that is alienating their friends would NOT be supportive, in my book. The advice you will get here will be blunt, and will pull no punches.

You have every right to be excited about your pregnancy - it is a very special time for you. But the important words in that sentence are ...for YOU... - your friends are under no obligation whatsoever to find your pregnancy as magical and epic as you do - because it isn't that important to them.

Bear in mind also that many, many of us on here will also have done this magical thing - some of us have done it more than once or even more than twice. I'm sorry, but you are not unique.

On a serious note, please try to develop a more measured attitude towards this baby and motherhood, otherwise you might find the reality a truly horrible shock - leaking nipples, battered and sore perineum, no sleep, dirty nappies, and exhaustion. If you have a soft-focus picture of you, rocking an angelic baby in a beautiful room, surrounded by wooden toys, and you get a colicky baby who never sleeps, never lets you have a shower, and pukes all over you every time they feed, you are going to have a horrible shock - and that can be upsetting and shocking, and could lead to post natal depression.

Parenthood is hard work, and can be very frustrating. Don't get me wrong - it is marvellous too, and wonderful, and there are great things to look forward to in every stage - but there are hard, sometimes nigh impossible things too - but if you are realistic about them, it is much easier to tackle them.

One final point - please stop with the 'I am going to stay at home with my child because I am such a perfect mother' schtick - there are many mothers both on MN and in real life who work outside the home, and they are bloody good mothers too. We are all the best parent we can be, regardless of whether we work or not, whether we breast feed or not, whether we use reusable or disposable nappies, do baby led weaning or make our own purees, or use baby food in jars.

Judging other mothers for making different choices to you will alienate you and make you very unpopular. So when you do make some mum friends, please do not judge them if they are going back to work - be supportive and positive about their choice, and do NOT say anything that will make them feel you think they are a bad parent for working.

LadyPW · 20/04/2017 12:01

You're pregnant. . Oh my days there's a star in the East
Grin Laughing out loud

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 20/04/2017 12:03

My baby feels so special, like I know my baby will do something incredible in this world - I can feel it!!

HmmHmmGrinGrin
Well, I just hope for the child's sake that he/she manages to pull the sun out of his/her arse that you have put up there

Aridane · 20/04/2017 12:07

"Aridane MN looked into it last night and then it came back this morning so guessing it's all clear"

^^

Thanks for this, MiddleClassProblem - who would have thought?

I guess then potentially a 1/3 of the flabbergasted posts here will need to be deleted for troll hunting !

TheFlyingFauxPas · 20/04/2017 12:10

We all feel like that but maybe rein it in a bit OP. to be fair when I first had ds I seriously considered the idea he might be the second coming. He's 14 now and I have my doubts!

Downtheroadfirstonleft · 20/04/2017 12:13

Come on op, we need pictures! What is your friend's kitchen like???

PatsyMount · 20/04/2017 12:15

I read this thread last night with a permanent Shock face. In fact i read it several times as i couldn't believe it was real.

So if it is - then OP please - i beg you to please read SDTG's post. ^ it's up there ^ read it

lelapaletute · 20/04/2017 12:19

If this is a joke... Good one! If not... Just wait until the baby comes :) they may do some amazing things indeed. Amazing, nappy defying poops for a start. It brings you down to earth, mdear, which you could very much do with. If you are so very happy and splendid, you hardly need validation from your poor old behind hand friends, do you?

PhyllisNights · 20/04/2017 12:25

Sorry, I'm on lunch & can't recall all the messages since last night from memory. I think the thread has slightly veered off topic, so I'd like to get back to my original point. Thank you for the volunteers regarding my baby shower - I may need to use some of you!!

We're having Fajita Friday tomorrow night around my friends house. I'm going to mention the baby shower (wasn't aware it wasn't a thing here, my sister in law has had them and all her friends do). If none of them are up for organising one then I may delegate it to my sisters instead. Although, my sisters didn't gel that well with my friends at the hen do years back, so we'll see.

As for my friends behaviour as of late, I may just ask the husband to do some networking to find potential couples who are expecting or have young kids. Perhaps they would appreciate my company more.

SDTG, I think you may have taken my mother at home comment out of context. I meant not going out to clubs and bars drinking on nights out. I have every intention of going back to work after 6 - 9 months. We can't afford to have me staying at home. I'm going to have to use a child minder a few days a week, then hopefully the assistance of my retired mother for the rest.

OP posts:
RuggerHug · 20/04/2017 12:29

If none of them are up for organising one then I may delegate it to my sisters instead.

DON'T DELEGATE ANYONE FOR A BABY SHOWER FFS!Hmm

Wondermoomin · 20/04/2017 12:31

You're not getting it are you..? Don't ignore posts just because you don't like them or don't agree with them. I just can't believe anyone can be so socially unaware - and then carry on apparently oblivious even when people are trying to help them see it Confused

Maryhadalittlelambstew · 20/04/2017 12:31

I want to come to Fajita friday at your friends house! Sounds amazeballs....#soyummy #fajitafridayfriends #new kitchen #winningatlife

Seriously op, if you are real for the love of God do not raise the subject of a babyshower. They don't want to throw you one. They couldn't care less that you are pregnant. They want you to drag your over inflated head from up your arse and shut up about your prodigal child.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 20/04/2017 12:35

See if you can do a whole fajita Friday without mentioning pregnancy/babies. Think of it as a personal challenge.