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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

AIBU with my friends?

999 replies

PhyllisNights · 19/04/2017 21:24

I'm the first one in my social group to get pregnant. I talk to my friends on a daily basis through WhatsApp and see them all in person at least once a week.

As it's my first pregnancy, I'm very excited. I can't stop talking about it. I'm so lucky, so happy, so fortunate & so privileged. My baby feels so special, like I know my baby will do something incredible in this world - I can feel it!!

And yet, my friends have started to turn on me. They've become very jealous. They make snide remarks, they mimick me & give me side eye. I feel like my pregnancy is the butt of all the jokes.

I can't help that I've been so blessed and so fortunate to get pregnant out of my friends first. I went to college, uni, started a professional career first & got married first. I've just always been up step ahead - I can't help it!!

Would it be unreasonable to sit my friends down and ask them to stop being so negative? I want to ask them to support me better and help me out.

OP posts:
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9
Flumpernickel · 20/04/2017 09:32

Ooooooh... thread's back, yay! Did you tell them yet OP? Did you tell them how unreasonable they were being about your upcoming pregnancy birth? What did they say? Please please update ASAP!

🍿 🍿 🍿

livefornaps · 20/04/2017 09:34

I'm actually crying. I'll join you clutching the op's ankles. Hope she heard her alarm today at 6 (probably really fancy all singing all dancing alarm clock with a light that imitates the sun & soothingly emits whalesong)

CaulkheadNorth · 20/04/2017 09:48

I thought this thread had been deleted! Oh am I pleased it's still here!

Crapuccino · 20/04/2017 09:55

How did the chat with the friends go OP? And how goes the Babyshower Election?

Honeybee79 · 20/04/2017 10:03

How have I only just found this thread?! Awesome.

GinIsIn · 20/04/2017 10:05

Please may I come to the baby shower?! I can bring horse shaped cupcakes! And my non-sleeping newborn so OP can see just how special and sparkly life is here on the other side.....

I'm a bit confused though - are we not having the party in OP's friend's new kitchen extension? I've heard it sounds amazing.....

Fruitcocktail6 · 20/04/2017 10:07

I'm pleased this thread is back! Even if it isn't real the replies are so funny.

Hope all is well with your friend's kitchen OP xx

DartmoorDoughnut · 20/04/2017 10:09

How are you feeling this morning princess? I do hope you've realised we were all only joking and that of course we're excited for you and your little bubba Grin holding out to be chosen, sorry elected to organise the baby shower

Peanutandphoenix · 20/04/2017 10:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MiddleClassProblem · 20/04/2017 10:15

Let's break it down for you OP.

You say you talk about the pregnancy a lot. To them it's just the same state as you were in when you found out you were pregnant. Yes you're feeling movement, baby size of x veg now and your body is doing different things but it's not really very exciting unless you are the people who are having the baby. Talk to your partner about it and just talk to your friends about the big things related to it, such as if you are struggling physically or and weird things happen or funny anecdotes. And don't go on about it.

If someone had a job that was very dull or a pet animal that wasn't particularly entertaining like a snake but they talked about it a lot you'd get bored of hearing it and maybe make jokes so they didn't go on about it.

U.K. Most people don't have baby showers still so they may not have thought about it, they might be planning a surprise one. Either way it's early. If you do want one then just mention it in conversation. "I like the idea of a baby shower, an excuse to have cake!"

If you're posting a lot about your pregnancy on social media it gets repetitive and hard to like it. Restrict yourself. Also think of those who can't get pregnant seeing you posting a lot and how it might feel to them.

Don't look down on those who are taking the casual approach to getting pregnant. They're not as ready to get pregnant as you were but open to it if it happens. I did it their way and got pregnant in a couple of months. if it had taken a few years I would have become more serious about it.

And when your child is here, don't pressure them into being something that makes a difference in the world. If they do it they will on their own and if they don't they will still be special at the very least to you.

FairyAnn · 20/04/2017 10:20

This was the perfect thread I needed right now - grinning like a fool, even if the OP is fake.

If not though, here's my input. As echoed by previous posters, getting pregnant is not an 'achievement', it is a wild mix of luck, timing and body functions doing things in a certain way.

Flaunting it in front of others like some kind of medal, as if you've 'worked harder' for it, is going to get very annoying, very quickly.

Crowdblundering · 20/04/2017 10:21

You sound unbearable.

number1wang · 20/04/2017 10:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OffOut · 20/04/2017 10:25

How strange that the threads back but there is no message from MNHQ telling people to stop troll hunting ... Confused

GoodDayToYou · 20/04/2017 10:31

No one has even mentioned planning a baby shower. I feel embarrassed that I may have to elect one of them to do it? They should be offering.

I can't believe I missed this yesterday. Obviously, it can't be real ... can it??

OP, in all seriousness, I live in fear of even being invited to a Baby Shower! I'd have to start a thread to help me get out of it without upsetting anyone. I honestly don't know what I'd do if someone asked me to host one for them. In my world, this is a horrible thing to do to a friend. Horrible!

GinAndTunic · 20/04/2017 10:32

I have asked MNHQ to move this to Classics (though it most likely won't happen) so that the OP can be the first in her social group to have her thread there.

BadLad · 20/04/2017 10:36

Being friends with the OP, or being married to the OP on the Tupperware and seasonal clothes thread, which would you choose?

GaelicSiog · 20/04/2017 10:36

op. I'm going to work on the basis that MNHQ think you're real. Please go back and read your opening post again and ask yourself how you'd feel if someone spoke like that about themselves to you. That's how you're making your friends feel.

I won't lie, the first few weeks after you have a baby can be bloody lonely and depressing. Admittedly I did pregnancy all wrong, but my friends were amazing. Yours will not be if you keep on like this.

As for a baby shower, why do you need one? Having a baby isn't the same as getting married.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 20/04/2017 10:41

I'm not sure I'd bother with nct, those bitches won't see your baby is way more amazing than theirs.

I have less than a week to go in my second (and last) pregnancy. Should I nominate someone to organise a baby shower?

MaisyPops · 20/04/2017 10:43

As echoed by previous posters, getting pregnant is not an 'achievement', it is a wild mix of luck, timing and body functions doing things in a certain way.

But OP is so far ahead of everyone in life so the pregnancy was totally an achievement. Hmm
Whilst she's been acheiveing in life I've been sat here planning a family with my lovely DH, house, good jobs, savings and a baby still hasn't turned up. Must be doing something terribly wrong to have not achieved pregnancy.

OP some of your friends may be in my position. When you're going around being all high achieving and aren't I amazing, spare a thought for people who really want kids but for whatever reason they've not turned up yet.

AlternativeTentacle · 20/04/2017 10:48

I've had a new kitchen it is in the final throwes of fitting. New dishwasher plumbed in just one hour and 18 minutes ago. HTH.

ProfessorBranestawm · 20/04/2017 10:58

Goodness. You lost me not that you'd had me in the first place at "they aren't putting the effort in" - wow, that was a disgusting comment in regards to conceiving TBH. And I say that as someone who had to put no 'effort' in beyond deciding not to use a condom anymore (do I win?)

Baby showers are generally seen as the height of tack BTW, it's not really much of a Thing here unlike in the US. And yeah if you asked a friend to do it you really should be embarrassed. I'm sure being so far ahead in life you don't need people to provide stuff for your baby anyway. Wink

Your baby will be special. TO YOU. Sorry but no matter how good your friends are, it doesn't mean the same to them as it means to you. Nothing wrong with that.

And it's really really not that hard to keep the pregnancy talk down around people who don't find it interesting. You have 29 years of pre-pregnancy personality and experience to talk about still, that hasn't disappeared!

Fairyliz · 20/04/2017 11:04

Wow I was sitting at home feeling sorry for myself because I've got the shits 😳 and then this thread comes along to cheer me up. Thanks op please keeping posting you are ace.

LagunaBubbles · 20/04/2017 11:05

No one has even mentioned planning a baby shower. I feel embarrassed that I may have to elect one of them to do it? They should be offering

Boo bloody hoo. You wont need them, maybe because your baby is sooo special they could do it for you. Hmm

PeachPants · 20/04/2017 11:12

OffOut Maybe they're just really enjoying it too!