AIBU to ask about confidentiality

[SoyaCoconutOrAlmond]

DH is an addict. Has been for a while. He managed to stop through sheer willpower and started again.

Clearly he needs professional help. Problem is he works for the NHS and people have been suspended/struck off for being addicted .

Is there any way he can obtain professional support without it compromising his career?

I think what he's addicted to DOES make a difference, cocaine will have more of an effect on quality of work (and has a very psychological withdrawal), heroin has implications for access to opiates but likely less effect on Work, alcohol is probably the hardest but most socially acceptable.

Can you afford for him to go to private rehab?

Yes, but he won't. He's convinced asking for help will bring the world crashing down so (in his mind) he has to handle it himself.

Can he not go to rehab and use a false name/profession? I know it's not ideal but then no one could report him.

Also do you have life insurance? If so cancel it now as it's worthless. As will be paying into his pension if anyone finds out.

I don't think you can do that. I think somehow he's just going to have to quit himself. But how

My opinion is that I hope he is a doctor. They are much more likely to be helped and keep
Their jobs than a lower food chain job. Well done for him to realise and admit he needs help. I do t know how much useful advice you will get on here because it is notoriously anti-drugs.

There used to be specific rehabs for doctors (and priests!) I don't know if they still have them.

Try NA - they are likely to be more help. He does need to take a break from his work and also he needs to work out his issues. Stopping the meds will not help unless he works on the cause. There will be better forums than this to seek advice also. He isn't the only one and it is more common in shift based work than you think.

Is his problem with painkillers?

I wouldn't approach occ health first either. I would seek more info from NA etc first. He has one chance to seek help in the most useful way. He needs to understand his rights and position first.

He needs to go off sick immediately though.

And your comment that he can switch off so working around medication will be ok is naive beyond belief.

He has relapsed. He can't manage it. I would bet every penny I had that he has taken painkillers from the hospital. Addicts are the most astonishingly good liars. And they don't stop unless they have to. Even ones you love.

You do realise that stopping the drugs is the easy part? The hardest bit will be staying off them. He has no chance unless he does the work.

No he hasn't.

Hasn't what? Relapsed?
He has, several times.

You are in denial and scared.

He hasn't ever taken medication from work. Really, he hasn't.

Mine wouldn't admit he had a problem until I packed his bags and showed him the door. I told him I loved him but couldn't have my kids be second to an addiction - the addiction always comes first in the end.

If he's not stealing drugs he has to buy them = kids being deprived if stuff. Surely there's a family impact for u and your family. Some times they have to reach rock bottom before they realise they need help

Fruitcider has your org's pharmacist not identified these losses? Please do incident forms when you find discrepancies, for several reasons but firstly to protect yourself from being seen as a possible suspect.

He may not have taken anything from work, Soya. But that will mean sweet FA if he is found out to be an addict anyway - the possibility that an addict might take drugs freely available to them is enough of a risk to get him in deep shit anyway.

Or he could be lying, you really can't be sure.

Which is why you should consider your own position- because living without being able to totally trust everything is OK is awful for you and your DC.

op, how are you coping in all this, please don't forget about yourself, with an addict in the family, its often them that suffer as well, please take care of yourself

Squirrels we both know this, and ironically this is WHY he won't access any support.

His addiction only really impacts on our sex life, it's hard pardon the pun for him to maintain an erection so sex with him is damned hard work.

I get that, OP - you said it all in your first post, yet despite a shit ton of posters saying he's wrong, if he goes proactively to them and admits he needs help he won't get into deep shit - he'll be helped and supported band it's only if he continues to conceal it will be an issue - he knows best and it will all be fine.

I realise it is a huge step, and I think he should explore anonymously how best to deal with this.

But you're saying he just wants to carry on as is and ignore it's an issue in any way.

Which is denial, which is a common trait in addicts.

If you're not worried - because it's only your sex life - then just leave him to it and weather the storm when it all goes tits up one way or another. He may never lose his job or get "found out" but his addiction will not be good news for your family, ever. Do you want to live with that?

I gather that if your DH is not a nurse, then he is a doctor. Not only is he putting the patients he treats directly at risk (and he is, no matter what he tells you, no matter what he tries to tell himself about being in control of his addiction), but every time a nurse goes to him for advice about a patient, and acts on that advice, in the belief that he is giving sound advice, he puts them at risk, and the patient they are looking after. Every time a junior doctor seeks his support in treating a patient believing that he is acting with integrity, he puts them at risk, at the patient they are treating. And you know. You know that your DH is practicing under the influence of drugs and you are allowing it.

He needs help, and he needs support, and I hope he gets it. But his patients and his colleagues need to be protected from the impact of his addiction first. He simply can't be treating patients until he has admitted that he has a problem and gets help. And it's simply immoral to stand by and allow him to continue to drive and work under the influence of drugs when innocent people who have no idea would be hurt if he made a tragic mistake.

So are you then suggesting I LTA? (Leave the addict?)

Because I can't do that, I won't do that. But he's not engaging with me or with any potential help either so I suppose yes, I do have to leave him to it and hope,for the best.

I'm not allowing it, I'm not his mother.

No I'm suggesting that you tell him to get help and stop driving or you will report him. Because you love him too much to allow him to continue as he is and you have realised the seriousness of the situation and it can't continue.

I wouldn't need to leave him in that case. He'd leave me.

But you know it's happening. How can you disregard the safety of patients? How can you put his self-esteem above their safety?

Because I do not feel his patients are at risk, lougle, I really don't. If I did, it would be different. But I don't.

The problem is, it dictates so much stuff: sleeping and general energy and mood and it's hard to explain really. It makes me uneasy I suppose in the same way over reliance on anything does. And I want to help, but I can't, and that's a really sad feeling.

Because I do not feel his patients are at risk, lougle, I really don't. If I did, it would be different. But I don't.

The problem is, it dictates so much stuff: sleeping and general energy and mood and it's hard to explain really. It makes me uneasy I suppose in the same way over reliance on anything does. And I want to help, but I can't, and that's a really sad feeling.

Hate it when that happens!