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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask about confidentiality

231 replies

SoyaCoconutOrAlmond · 18/04/2017 19:18

DH is an addict. Has been for a while. He managed to stop through sheer willpower and started again.

Clearly he needs professional help. Problem is he works for the NHS and people have been suspended/struck off for being addicted .

Is there any way he can obtain professional support without it compromising his career?

OP posts:
Instasista · 19/04/2017 07:44

OP says he's safe driving. She hasn't said what he's addicted too. There are a huge number of addictive pharmaceuticals you can drive whilst taking.

You seem to be suggesting intervention. I think it's amazing it worked for your H but you must know how very low the success rates of intervention are, and that's assuming you can get the person to agree to treatment

Original poster
SoyaCoconutOrAlmond · 19/04/2017 07:44

You haven't been what I'm going through at all olly

You've decided my husband is yours and I am you and therefore you are shocked at the choices I'm making. But from the little I and you have said, yours was/is an alcoholic.

All addictions have some parallels of course but I said semi jokingly up thread about chocolate. Some people ARE addicted to it, or at least binge eating. Some people to shopping. Some to sex. No suggestion about them being safe to drive.

At any rate it's not helpful to argue. I have some possibilities to contact and will do so at some point today. I'm really sorry for what you went through but projecting it on me is not fair.

OP posts:
FruitCider · 19/04/2017 07:52

Well, in any case DH isn't an alcoholic. I do appreciate the suggestions and will try to find something :)

An addict is an addict is an addict. There is no hierarchy of addiction. Some addicts are not better/worse than others.

It really doesn't matter what he's using.

Of course it does, if he has a codeine/pregabalin etc addiction and these drugs are accessible at work that massively increases the risks to his patients. If he is using something sedating like codeine, mirtazepine, pregabalin, tramadol etc and is a nurse, imagine if he didn't respond quick enough to an emergency and a patient died as a result? THAT is the reality of what could happen.

Original poster
SoyaCoconutOrAlmond · 19/04/2017 07:55

He is not a nurse.

No one is at risk.

It is not about there being a hierarchy of addiction but rather some addictions lead to problems others do not. Binge eating may lead to obesity and depression and social isolation. Heroin addiction does not lead to obesity. That's the only point really - you can't say 'oh if you're an addict you'll become obese' - not if the things they are addicted to don't have this side effect if you like.

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 19/04/2017 08:03

If your DH is an addict and he's working as you said he is under the influence of whatever is addicted to, and there's obviously some reason you are refusing to say what it is, of course matters what it is! And if he's working directly with patients (vague information again) of course he's a potential risk, people pandering to you and saying comments are too harsh are missing this point.

Ollycat · 19/04/2017 08:05

All addictions lead to problems as the addiction takes priority over all else.

Your dh is not addicted to chocolate you have said it's drugs.

I don't think you are me but I don't think you are facing up to the reality of the situation. You seem to think he's some nice sort of middle class professional addict and tge NHS are just meanies out to ruin his career. Your priorities are totally skewed - this is the reality of living with an addict. You say you are powerless to do anything - again rubbish! You are allowing his addiction to continue.

LagunaBubbles · 19/04/2017 08:05

If no patients are at risk why would he risk being suspended if his employers find out, rather than being sent to Occ Health?

Original poster
SoyaCoconutOrAlmond · 19/04/2017 08:06

I'm refusing to say what it is on the offchance of identification.

I'm not going to do anything because people are either harsh or gentle, it really does make no difference to me whatsoever. I know, and DH knows, that no one is at risk, so if people want to get all excited and make speculations then that's up to them.

OP posts:
Original poster
SoyaCoconutOrAlmond · 19/04/2017 08:07

Because that's how it works laguna

It's not that patients are at risk, it's that in the eyes of the professional body they 'could be'.

I know olly, it's always the woman's fault, since eve took the apple and pandora opened the box. Bloody, bloody women.

OP posts:
FruitCider · 19/04/2017 08:08

How can no-one be at risk, when you have said he has direct patient contact?

Any form of drug addiction has a similar personal and social impact. You are being facetious and again minimising your husbands addiction by comparing it to binge eating. Binge eating does not temporarily alter your state of mind and affect your reaction times, your ability to rationalise your decision making, it does not lower your inhibitions and lead you to risky behaviour.

You have already said earlier on in the thread that it is an addiction similar to codeine, so it's likely to be some sort of sedating and/or opiate based addiction. Can you not see how that is a problem for working with people that are in a vulnerable position by the very fact that they are patients?

Ollycat · 19/04/2017 08:10

It has nothing to do with your sex - you are being ridiculous- BUT you know about the situation and you are allowing it to continue- can you not see that??

Instasista · 19/04/2017 08:10

OP has already said she now understand why her husband won't get help from his employers and is now unconvinced they can access confidential help. Thanks to this thread. Hope you're proud of yourselves.

WaitrosePigeon · 19/04/2017 08:11

Erm OP isn't allowing anything to continue. He's a grown man.

Sidge · 19/04/2017 08:11

I'm guessing he has a codeine addiction. Whilst that won't have the same effect as something like cocaine or temazepam, it WILL contribute to an impairment of function. And that is what a professional body will focus on.

Seeking help, being open and honest and admitting you need support is what will keep him in his job.

Secrecy, deceit, misuse of medication, working whilst under the influence of medication, all these things are likely to lead to him being sacked for gross misconduct. Even if he's not a nurse, have a look at the NMC hearings pages on their website. The number of nurses suspended for impairment due to drugs and alcohol is astonishing.

I don't recall any being struck off for asking for help with addiction.

Original poster
SoyaCoconutOrAlmond · 19/04/2017 08:12

No, I'm not allowing it to continue at all olly and yes I was being a bit sarcastic because I was getting fed up with your poking and prodding. I'm sorry for that but I absolutely refute that this is my fault in any way.

At any rate, I've got the advice I need, I'm not here for a bunfight, so hope all have a good day Flowers

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 19/04/2017 08:12

Oh OP wake up! If patients "could be" at risk how do you really really know they aren't? Because you believe your addict husband? Addicts never lie?

NorthernLurker · 19/04/2017 08:22

I think we need to leave this now. The op will not accept patients are at risk through her husbands impaired judgement. Actually it's not just patients. If he's in his forties and is a doctor, and I think, from what she hasn't said as much as from what she has, that's the case, then he's probably consultant grade. And so he likely has responsibility for teaching and training of juniors. If they make a mistake he should have caught it will be devastating for all parties.

justkeeponsmiling · 19/04/2017 08:35

Soya I have just poped on this thread to say how sorry I feel for you and your DH. Addiction is terrible on all involved. And some of the answers on here are quite frankly ridiculous!
Suggesting the op is working in the NHS and is colluding in this? Eh??
Suggesting her DH is stealing from work when she has repeatedly said he isn't.
Insisting that it will have an effect on patient care - how do you all know? He might be a theatre prep clerk or porter for all we know?
Suggesting he should not care about loosing his job because it's not the most important issue here - well I bet it's important to him!
All I can say is that I have worked with good nurses, lovely caring nurses, one who used to be a band 8 staff nurse addicted to codeine and even though it did not affect the care they gave when it came out it had devastating effects on them and their families.
I hope your husband gets access to the help he needs Flowers

LagunaBubbles · 19/04/2017 08:50

You're right Northern. Justkeepsmiling the OP has said people have been "struck off" for addiction problems, as valuable as theatre prep clerks and porters are to the NHS they don't belong to a professional body that you could get "struck off" for....shes also said that "access to medication is the sticking point"....now not sure about you but I wouldn't like someone I care about treated by someone under the influence of a mind altering substance?

hollyisalovelyname · 19/04/2017 09:06

OP you are very brave coming on here seeking advice. It can't have been an easy decision.
Most posters are saying he needs to get help. To 'own' his addiction, whatever it is.
If he doesn't, his world, and yours, will come crashing down on you and your children, with probably huge implications.

JennyOnAPlate · 19/04/2017 09:16

You do realise op that if he's working around nurses/doctors they will already know or at least suspect that he's on something? Medical professionals can spot it a mile off.

He needs to go to occ health and tell all. All this talk of sneaking off abroad etc is just bloody ridiculous.

Instasista · 19/04/2017 09:18

How is going to rehab abroad ridiculous? It's not sneaking off, it's significantly cheaper in ie South Africa and excellent quality also.

FruitCider · 19/04/2017 09:38

Medical professionals can spot it a mile off.

Weirdly, I was going to post about noticing a whole box of zopiclone went missing on one occasion, and around 80ml liquid diazepam (so 400mg) going missing over a month, always at night, always when a particular colleague is on. Sadly my manager doesn't believe anyone in the team would steal. I do!

opinionatedfreak · 19/04/2017 09:47

People don't always notice and sometimes it ends badly - the reg who od'd on fentanyl in the changing room and was found blue and dead after failing to turn up to an arrest call etc.

OP I wish you luck, but I counsel you most sincerely that openness and honesty are the way to keep an NHS career despite an addiction.

Bourdic · 19/04/2017 17:35

I worked for 8 years in the professional regulation of doctors. I have dealt with many cases of doctors who had alcohol/substance abuse problems. If a doctor has an addiction, there are many sources of specialist help available - some support groups are just for doctors for example. You cannot be erased from the register for addiction as it is a health problem. You may be suspended, or work under conditions ( such as having psychiatric help, attending a support group, having regular drug tests etc). Its similar for dentists and other HCP. Openess and honesty is the key to getting help, and keeping your registration. However, deliberate attempts to cover it up could lead to erasure. And its not as simple as whether or if patients could be harmed - there is also the reputation of the profession and the upholding of proper professional standards.A HCP can be erased without a single patient having been harmed because the behaviour has damaged public confidence in the profession. The OPs husband ( or she) should read the code of conduct that applies to his profession e.g. Good Medical Practice if he is a doctor and see what standards he is breaching by not referring himself for help and/or attempting to cover up his addiction. He should also contact his professional body/association/or Defence Union.

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