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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask about confidentiality

231 replies

SoyaCoconutOrAlmond · 18/04/2017 19:18

DH is an addict. Has been for a while. He managed to stop through sheer willpower and started again.

Clearly he needs professional help. Problem is he works for the NHS and people have been suspended/struck off for being addicted .

Is there any way he can obtain professional support without it compromising his career?

OP posts:
NoMudNoLotus · 18/04/2017 22:43

If it's a stimulant it will be blantantly obvious to colleagues...

I have seen this twice now where colleagues reported suspicions .

Both workers lost their jobs.

And yes i also hope you are not a HCP. You will be in a whole heap of shite for covering this up.

I'm sorry but I'm not going to butter this up but if your DP has patient contact he is wholly irresponsible for not seeking help.

nickienackienoo · 18/04/2017 23:12

*NoMudNoLotus Tue 18-Apr-17 22:43:43
If it's a stimulant it will be blantantly obvious to colleagues...
*

Sorry mud but I absolutely disagree with this - what would be a stimulant to some, to an addict like my ex-OH was? no high, he took copious amounts just to function - as in vast amounts of codeine.

It's an over the counter drug, easily abused. If you have someone who can prescribe that drug? As an addict you'd be some kinda hard willed not to abuse that position of being able to scribe.

LagunaBubbles · 18/04/2017 23:36

OP hasn't even answered whether their DH has patient contact and been vague, so they obviously do and there are people at risk because of his addiction clearly.

Ollycat · 18/04/2017 23:41

She did say up thread that he deals with patients.

OP I've waited up in case you come back but I think you're gone for now. I hope you consider carefully what I - and Tge others who've been in your situation have said.

You need to take action and you need to do it now. Flowers

LagunaBubbles · 18/04/2017 23:46

"Dealing with patients" could mean anything though and it concerns me about someone with a serious addiction having direct clinical contact, either in physical or mental health setting.

Ollycat · 18/04/2017 23:52

You're right.

The whole situation is concerning and the OP is facilitating him carrying on like this. Addicts don't take action however unless they're forced too - lying and deceiving is their way of life. Sadly I fear things will only change if the OP forces the situation (unless something terrible were to happen).

Instasista · 19/04/2017 06:43

I completely disagree peachgreen. This isn't supper. The OP is in some cases being blamed for her DHs lack of action. And the driving? Typical bloody mumsnet. AA is a great suggestion and AA is very supportive. Support that works. Do you think they sit around in a church hall demanding to know whether an addict is driving and hargay them constantly about that? Of course not. Because the addict would leave, and not come back.

Instasista · 19/04/2017 06:50

This isn't support even

Original poster
SoyaCoconutOrAlmond · 19/04/2017 07:06

Well, in any case DH isn't an alcoholic. I do appreciate the suggestions and will try to find something :)

OP posts:
hula008 · 19/04/2017 07:12

If he's taking drugs from the NHS and using them himself or going to work under the influence, he's putting patients at risk.

Original poster
SoyaCoconutOrAlmond · 19/04/2017 07:15

But he isn't, hula

OP posts:
insancerre · 19/04/2017 07:15

Why should he expect confidentiality?
Surely patient care trumps his need for. Confidentiality?

JessicaEccles · 19/04/2017 07:16

Why the smiley face, OP? There isn't some hierarchy of addiction- he is the same as an alcoholic buying cider from the off. Worse in a way if he is stealing from work.

hula008 · 19/04/2017 07:16

Sorry - you said the access to medication wasn't helping him and I assumed that was at work

Original poster
SoyaCoconutOrAlmond · 19/04/2017 07:19

But he isn't Jessica

However I do now understand his reticence to access support.

OP posts:
peachgreen · 19/04/2017 07:20

Insta What an absolutely ridiculous comparison. AA isn't trying to co-parent with an addict. Surely you're not saying that supporting (and in this case, enabling) an addict should be prioritised over of the safety of one's children?

Instasista · 19/04/2017 07:23

It's not a comparison, it's an example. OP says he's safe driving. How do we know better than that? We don't even know what he's taking. So what do you expect to get out of this constant driving talk?

WaitrosePigeon · 19/04/2017 07:28

Is he using cocaine?

Original poster
SoyaCoconutOrAlmond · 19/04/2017 07:32

It really doesn't matter what he's using. I do appreciate your answers and I will try to find access to an organisation that won't assume he is harming patients, as he isn't.

OP posts:
peachgreen · 19/04/2017 07:32

Insta Because a drug addict should not be driving when high. No matter what he's taking (which I think OP confirmed upthread was codeine?), or how safe he or his wife claims it is. That's why we have laws against drink and drug driving. I don't see what's even remotely controversial about that statement.

OP your husband deserves help and I strongly hope that he will seek it out. I have addiction issues in my close family and I do understand the agonising conflict it causes. But allowing him to continue endangering the lives and wellbeing of others is wrong, and is only enabling his addiction.

I agree that he shouldn't lose his job and his employers should be supportive, but unfortunately that's not the most important consideration here. The most important consideration is the safety of him, your children, yourself and his patients. (And other road users.)

Ollycat · 19/04/2017 07:32

OP you have convinced yourself that he isn't really a danger to your children and patients and that he is some sort of nice OK addict. Seriously you need to get real!! Go and chat to someone yourself and open your eyes. You are enabling this and you need to stop doing it!!

You obviously have no intention of doing so - you're as bad as him.

Ollycat · 19/04/2017 07:33

If he is working in any capacity whilst an addict his judgement is flawed - you need to understand this.

Instasista · 19/04/2017 07:34

Do you need to be such an arse olly? As bad as him? She's holding the family together and trying to get him help. She's already supported him through detoxes by the sounds of it.

Original poster
SoyaCoconutOrAlmond · 19/04/2017 07:36

I'm not allowing him to do anything but he is a man over 6 foot tall and, in his forties, tending towards portliness. Even if I wished to, physically forcing him to do something would be an impossibility.

OP posts:
Ollycat · 19/04/2017 07:40

Indra I am not being an arse - I have been through what tge OP is going through and she is just allowing it to continue - she's putting the children in the car even!

OP you are perfectly capable of doing something- give him an ultimatum- get help by x date or you'll tell his governing body. Addicts lie - you need to believe that - he will be lying to you.