Holiday plans ruined

[winterbaby85]

I'm currently on maternity leave so money is tight due to one income. Myself and my husband discussed going on holiday this year but June July and August are out due to high prices and OHs work commitments. DS1 starts school in September so I looked at holidays over the October mid term and got a great deal so I booked it provisionally months ago after discussing it with OH. The holiday came up in conversation two weeks ago and OH goes what date is it again and I told him to which he goes I think that's the day I'm doing the marathon (which it is). I've now tried changing the dates/destination we go and it's working out approx £300 more which we can't afford. I don't understand why he didn't tell me the marathon was on when I discussed the holiday with him initially. There are a few runs and marathons he's doing this year and tbh I don't know the exact dates of them but he should have checked when I brought up booking the holiday for October.

[peukpokicuzo]

I think you should take a friend or relative as 2nd adult rather than waiting for him to maybe join you while you struggle with 2 little ones.

[Therealslimshady1]

Go with a friend/sister/cousin/mum!

[OverAndAbove]

Is he going to be raising about eleventy thousand pounds for sick kids with this marathon, or is it more of a vanity run?

I'm guessing the latter, but it would be a bit different if the former or perhaps a whole team depending on him. If the latter, then it's the family that are his "team" and he should just man up!

[TheDevilMadeMeDoIt]

I think the idea of the husband going on holiday is a horse that's already bolted - because from what OP has said, even if he did eventually back off the marathon he'd be a sulky shitty mardy arse on the holiday, making sure everyone knew how much he'd sacrificed ad nauseam.

OP find yourself a new travelling partner and tell him to fuck himself enjoy the marathon and go off on the holiday without a backward glance.

[Ledkr]

One of the things which helped me recover after my ex left, waataking the children abroad.
Sorting out airport parking, currency,check in etc on my own, really boosted my confidence and reinforced that I didn't need a man!
Maybe it will do the same for you and he will be less inclined to be so selfish.

[rookiemere]

If he had been prepared to fly the day after then I would have said it's a bit rubbish but liveable with. However the fact he needs 2 rest days is just pathetic.

Others are right he wants you to cancel altogether otherwise he looks like the selfish arse he actually is.

Is he doing any other marathons this year? I think yes but not 100% sure.

I'd stop making his meals and washing his clothes. If he's decided to check out of family life he doesn't get to pick and choose which bits he is in.

[ChasedByBees]

I told him I was going with the two kids anyway and he goes to me no you won't you'll get to the airport and bottle it. You can't manage two kids on your own you're a stress head.

I would take that as a personal challenge.

This is a problem of his making, have you asked him how you are all going to go on holiday this year in the summer and he does his run? Make him solve it. If it can't, you go on your own or with a friend.

[EineKleine]

Everything ChasedByBees said. You've been managing 2 kids on your own all mat leave anyway, plus pregnancy-plus-preschooler-plus-work, which is the toughest of the lot in some ways.

What solution is he proposing? That all of you just don't go on holiday this year? If not that, what? Make it his problem.

FWIW I was never brave enough to take our 2 abroad as babies, but with hindsight I think there is a lot to be said for AI over, for example, a cottage in cornwall if you are by yourself. It would be relentless, because small children are, but food and drink on tap whenever you want, mini disco to entertain older one while baby naps in buggy in the evenings, decent weather in Oct all favour going. And your eldest may well be old enough for kids' club, which will help.

[ILookedintheWater]

Right, seen your update and here's the thing: Lanzarote with a baby and a toddler on your own will be tiring: a couple of days while waiting your H fair enough, but 9 days holding a baby while trying to stop 4yo jumping into the pool for over a week? Not so much.
...but you do deserve a holiday.
Cancel his place and with the money you'll save a book yourself and your kids somewhere closer to home with more support: a luxury family hotel for 4 days or something, so that there is a crèche for a few hours a day so you get a break as well and lots for your 4YO to do. We stayed at one called Fowey Hall years ago and it was a revelation.

[Sexykitten2005]

Scary how many people I think are in my "running family" on here.

OP I currently have 5 marathons booked for October and the 100 marathon club website (which isn't the bible it uses to be) shows marathons happening on 16 days in October. Tell him to cancel and book a different one. In fact if you give us a general location and dates we can find an alternative.
Also he's being a dick needed 2 days recovery. A good stretch, good roll, ice and warm bath, good nights sleep, all will help him be up and ok the next day.

[Blatherskite]

Ha *sexykitten", if you're a 100 Marathon club member/wannabe then we may very well have met. I have only run one myself but I am regularly at 100MC events and even marshalled the AGM marathon last year :)

[Blatherskite]

Runner's World have a good search engine for events. There will be LOADS of marathons in October.

[Sexykitten2005]

Blathers I marshalled last years too. And this years.
Fuck name change again

[Sexykitten2005]

[Blatherskite]

Now trying to remember who was there last year

Thinking about it, I might have been the year before...

[gaylemcfedries]

Get him to book a later flight problem solved

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Not really gayle as it doesnt address his whole attitude to the OP and their family does it?

[gaylemcfedries]

Ps you can do this on your own (and have fun)

[gaylemcfedries]

Ok but if they cancel everyone loses out deposits gone anyway at least 240 if its jet 2

[AuldHeathen]

In this house, if he's not written it on the calendar, he's not doing it . I do relent sometimes but I wouldn't over a situation like this.

[Gooseygoosey12345]

Honestly if it was me I'd still be going with the kids. If he wanted to come or do the marathon it would be up to him. It's not that stressful travelling with kids if you're organised so don't panic there

[Picoloangel]

He's being incredibly selfish and unreasonable. Relying on your "bottling it" is really mean spirited and petty. I would go just to spite him! In any case when you get there it'll be fab and not that stressy.

What will be stressy is sitting around for your selfish arse of a DH to run a marathon and be precious for 2 days when you thought you'd be on holiday.

Please go without him.

[Phoebefromfriends]

and this post is the reason I don't miss dating a runner

Surely the holiday trumps the run......

[happypoobum]

Is he always such a selfish cunt?

Seriously he is horrible - how dare he speak to you like that - you have a new baby!!!

Don't discuss it with him again. Change the name on one of the tickets to mine to that of a friend/relative. Make sure it's one who will muck in and help.

You can spend your week in the sun deciding whether you want to continue to put up with his crap.

[Jux]

What are you and the children going to do instead? Camp in British weather? With a 5yo and a baby? Go to LAnzarote. It will nicer being stressed out there than at home with a 5 yo and a baby and with dh being selfish and precious.