Holiday plans ruined

[winterbaby85]

I'm currently on maternity leave so money is tight due to one income. Myself and my husband discussed going on holiday this year but June July and August are out due to high prices and OHs work commitments. DS1 starts school in September so I looked at holidays over the October mid term and got a great deal so I booked it provisionally months ago after discussing it with OH. The holiday came up in conversation two weeks ago and OH goes what date is it again and I told him to which he goes I think that's the day I'm doing the marathon (which it is). I've now tried changing the dates/destination we go and it's working out approx £300 more which we can't afford. I don't understand why he didn't tell me the marathon was on when I discussed the holiday with him initially. There are a few runs and marathons he's doing this year and tbh I don't know the exact dates of them but he should have checked when I brought up booking the holiday for October.

[happypoobum]

Tbh I would probably just go and tell him I had a fabulous time even if I didn't, just to make my point I may be slightly mad

However, I agree with PP - the point isn't really the holiday which has thrown into relief the fact that OPs DH seems to have very little respect for her.

[Amperoblue]

He absolutely needs you to go on holiday. He appears to have lost all respect for you and needs to see you are a capable woman who needs a nice holiday.
Cancel the holiday ( October is the least fun half term to go away in IME) and use the money to go away with a friend. He can book a few days off work. He does his marathons and you get four days in a spa hotel in Barcelona.

[InvisibleKittenAttack]

You have a much bigger problem than a holiday clash, you have a DH that doesn't seem to like you very much.

Go on your own. While on you own, think about how he treats you.

It's not your job to fix his fuck ups and it's not kind to belittle you like that.

[BluePeppersAndBroccoli]

By personal experience
Just go and enjoy y Urself with yoUr two dcs.
Get a calendar and insist he writes down EVERY race he is doing. If it's not on the calendar, it doesn't exist (we've had the issue last year with DH who booked a concert, I asked him if we could go to another event. Calendar was clear. I booked the event only for him to find out it was clashing when he wanted to add his own stuff)
Review with him what is and isn't acceptable. I.e. Marathons will NOT come before a family holiday. Define what is 'time for himself' and how much he actually gets an dhow much you do get. Use numbers, you can't argue with numbers. And stick to your guns.

He is a twat. Sorry.

[BluePeppersAndBroccoli]

Btw I have been going away in my own with my two dcs. Dc2 was about 6 months old, dc1 was just over 2years old.

It's absolutely fine if you are used to juggle both of them on your own anyway. Not much different than when you are at home. Is it like a 'holiday' when you are fully relax and do nothing? Nope it's not.
Can you make it a really fun and relaxing time? Yes wo a doubt.

I would be very tempted to want to PROVE to him that I can do it, ahve enjoyed myself just to prove him wrong TBH.
But also so that you can prove to yourself YOU can do it and his putting downs have nothing to do with the reality. That whatever he says says much more about him as a person (aka not very nice) than about you.

[TheLegendOfBeans]

OP he straight up doesn't want to go on hols with you. His attitude reeks of it. Lovely fella.

Questions:
Why can't you take someone in his place? Mum/sister/bff?
Has he a history of making holidays rubbish?
Has he got huge levels of sponsorship for this that by pulling out he'd be letting hundreds of folk down and costing a charity £££?
Has he made any attempt to switch the marathons at all or is he happy to just sit there whilst you blow a gasket trying to rearrange a whole holiday?!

[InvisibleKittenAttack]

I hate men who treat their wives like the staff who are handed the 'problem' and expected to just come back to him with 'solutions'. Fuck that. He's responsible for this clash. He should be the one trying to fix it.

[Therealslimshady1]

Invisablekitten.... so true!

[TenFeetTall]

You absolutely could do this on your own. The airport will be a bit of a stress but it's very doable. Just make sure you read up on the rules re liquids and baby milk. If you have a buggy they tend to send you through the disabled queues so you don't have to spend hours in line for security and customs with a grumpy toddler (or at least that was the system we saw when we went away last summer)

I would also take the challenge and go by myself. The airport will be the worst bit but it's quick, not a long flight and will be done. You then have 9 days of relaxing. Once there you won't have to cook or clean and you can just enjoy being with the kids and chilling out when they sleep. You won't be doing anything you don't normally do except enjoying not having to cook or clean.

[CoraPirbright]

TheLegendofBeans asks many excellent questions.

[Helpmybrainsmelting]

I'd spend between now and the holiday pointing out what an utterly selfish dick he is. Hopefully at some point he'll understand how unfair he is being and either agree to miss the race or to have his two days rest in the sun.

I don't even get the whole two days rest thing. Is he planning on running the marathon and then taking two whole days off parenting to recover. Thats ridiculous. Surely the thought of recovering in the sun by a pool is much nicer?

[limon]

Holiday trumps marathon.

Get a family organiser - in our house if it's not on the organiser, it's not happening. Also helps with dh who is forever asking "what's the plan this weekend" and I can now say "it's on the planner".

[Want2bSupermum]

I have done trips on my own with the DC and I think going to an AI holiday in lanzarote on your own with 2DC is very doable. Check if they have a holiday club. If so, book that for one DC on alternate days and pick 1-2 days where they both go so you get a break too.

I would leave his mardy arse at home.

[Msqueen33]

I can't believe his attitude! I'm assuming he spends a lot of time training and you're left with the kids! School holidays aren't cheap and he should want his kids and you to have some family time. You asked him about dates before you booked he didn't mentioned anything but now he expects three people to miss out because he wants to go for a run! What a selfish arsehole. Unfortunately when you have kids a lot of what was your own leisure time is taken up by being a family! Frankly I'd either go on my own with someone else or go somewhere more local. Like someone said he's hoping you'll not go so he doesn't look like the total arsehole he is to other people.

What's he like on the whole? Is he thoughtful and kind?

My dh last year couldn't get any time off as his boss took all of august off. My dad and I drove to Spain with my three kids, two have autism the youngest severely so. It was tiring but no more than at home. You booked first and he needs to back down.

[HarryPottersMagicWand]

He never gets to do what he wants? It's all about him isn't it. Poor ickle diddums wants to have a family and check out to live how he likes when he feels like it with wifey picking up the slack. What a dick.

I'd see if a relative or someone could come, just so you could have your holiday, prove him wrong and so actually he can't go. Fuck him.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Honestly, I think some folks are missing the point a bit. Yes - she could go on her own, and she would be fine. I spent a lot of my first marriage doing this with small children. But at the end of the day you start to wonder, 'what the fuck is this prick bringing to the relationship?' and 'hmm...I can have a better time on my own'. It tends to lead to a lightbulb moment and it dawns on you that if you constantly have to do family stuff alone because he's busy/working/doing his hobby/got better things to do or whatever else means that you are forever managing without him then he might as well fuck off permanently.

No one wants to stay married to a selfish dick. Particularly one who scorns you for being stressed. Would he himself breeze capably through holidaying alone with a small baby and child? Or would it stress him slightly? I'd be telling him that he fucked up - so he needs to accept he can't make that marathon. He's abroad with his family at that point.

Either that or he'll be moving to a bedsit and won't be able to afford to run marathons when he's paying maintenance...

[ethanrayne]

You can postpone marathon entries, I have done it

[ethanrayne]

Sorry not postpone but carry forward to following year etc

[MiddleClassProblem]

Anyone else who could take his place like a family member or close friend?

[Picoloangel]

Bless Your Cotton Socks

Yes this ^

[Jux]

I bet a million quid that when you've done all the organising of someone else coming with you instead of him, and you've changed the name o the ticket, that he'll suddenly find that he can't do that race and will wanto come on holiday with you. Your role, at that point, is to breathlessly and breast-heavingly delighted and grateful. You will change the ticket name back, and tell your friend-mum-sister-whoever that they can't come after all (they may never speak to you again but you'll be prepared to sacrifice them for the favour that dh will have deigned to bestow upon you). Remember your role.

Or remember that he's being a spoilt brat who needs to decide where his priorities are and that you, at least, are not living in the 1950s.

[TheLegendOfBeans]

Bang on, Jux

[Advicewouldbelovelyta]

Go enjoy your holiday without him

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Go enjoy your life without him..?

[TWINS77]

Not to mention that taking your child out of school in term time could cost you £240 in fines.....