Holiday plans ruined

[winterbaby85]

I'm currently on maternity leave so money is tight due to one income. Myself and my husband discussed going on holiday this year but June July and August are out due to high prices and OHs work commitments. DS1 starts school in September so I looked at holidays over the October mid term and got a great deal so I booked it provisionally months ago after discussing it with OH. The holiday came up in conversation two weeks ago and OH goes what date is it again and I told him to which he goes I think that's the day I'm doing the marathon (which it is). I've now tried changing the dates/destination we go and it's working out approx £300 more which we can't afford. I don't understand why he didn't tell me the marathon was on when I discussed the holiday with him initially. There are a few runs and marathons he's doing this year and tbh I don't know the exact dates of them but he should have checked when I brought up booking the holiday for October.

[TheMythOfFingerprints]

If he's so worried about you coping on your own with 2dc then why is he planning on leaving you so often and for so long for training and races?

[PurplePidjin]

Oh and 3 years post major Stroke he ran his first half. Came home and took the kids to the park because I'd had them all day so he could run and because he wanted to see them. Yes he took things easy for a few days after (like I did after my first 10k recently - I'm less sporty) but it gave neither of us a free pass to opt out of our responsibilities

[trevortrevorslattery]

Ugh YANBU op. Please go on hol without him

[NoSquirrels]

What an arse. You have a small baby and he's prioritising hims flat and his hobby over family & relaxation time for you, and he's insulting you into the bargain?

I'd go, just to prove his shitty assumptions wrong. Invite your mum/sister/friend whoever if you fancy some company, but otherwise I reckon you could have a fine time - baby will nap, kids clubs available, all inclusive so no stress - do it.

[NoSquirrels]

hims flat = himself

[agentace]

I'm shocked by his attitude. I've run my fair share of marathons, running is really important to me.

2 days recovery is way over the top. I've done a tough trail marathon, got on a bus for a 5 hour drive back to the airport before a 6 hour overnight flight home and then gone straight to work the next day. Which one is it out of interest?

Irrespective, holiday and family 100% trumps the race. Frankly I'm amazed he's doing that many races/that much training when you have a young baby. It sucks up so much time.

[bigchris]

Take your mum or mother in law

[winterbaby85]

He doesn't get why I just won't cancel considering I told him if something came up in between I'd cancel which I did but I meant if he couldn't get the time off work or we couldn't afford it not to run a marathon. He says he never gets to do anything he wants to do but he's doing two races this year and I've no problem with either.

[Blueskyrain]

What a selfish man.

If it wasn't for you inevitability missing them a lot, I'd go on holiday by myself, and he could look after the children, and bring them out afterwards. That might screw with his marathon plans. Oh well...

[TheAntiBoop]

You need a holiday. He is doing two races for himself. He either c New with you or he doesn't but you must go and enjoy yourself - the kids will also have a great time!

show him that being part of a family isn't about him being needed to do stuff - it's about wanting to be together. If he doesn't want to be there then fine - but don't let him make out the holiday can't go ahead because he is 'needed'

[DailyMaui]

He is behaving like a selfish prick. And an idiotic one - what's not "recovering" about being on holiday? He can recover just as well by a pool in Lanzarote... or by recovery did he mean "not have anything to do with the family for two days."

Has he always been this dedicated to himself? Take your mum, a sister or a best friend. TBH now he's shown this side of himself I wouldn't WANT to go on holiday with him if I were you!

[MrsTerryPratchett]

When do you get to do what you want?

He sounds like a shit, frankly. A selfish, mean shit.

[NoSquirrels]

Tell him he's welcome to "do what he wants to do" and you are too - he can choose if he wants to run the third marathon if the year or spend time relaxing with his wife and 2 children. But you'll be choosing too - choosing to go on holiday.

Don't back down.

[DailyMaui]

I've just remembered - I used to live with a guy who always had other things going on when I wanted to go on holiday. Mostly his hobby, which was restoring old cars. So much time spent fiddling with rusty motors. He never changed. Luckily I stopped giving a fuck and instead went on holiday with my family or friends. I had fantastic trips to Kenya, Tunisia, France, Greece (3 times), Holland... all without him. His loss. Okay this wasn't with children but I have gone away with my two without my husband on several occasions. I bloody loved it!

[BarbarianMum]

Is a marriage and children not what he wants to do then? Pity he didn't think about that before 1. your wedding 2. Dc1 3. Dc2 Or are the children your "hobby"?

[Biscuitsneeded]

He's being an idiot. He needs to accept that once you have school age kids your holiday options are limited. My colleague is running the London marathon this Sunday and will still have to get up and teach a full week starting on Monday. I think his options are a. drop out of the marathon b. Get a separate flight to join you ASAP after the race finishes or c. do without his holiday and let you take a friend or relative.

[Roomster101]

If you discussed the dates with him before booking, it's his fault there is a clash and therefore the holiday should have priority. I really hope you go if he refuses to cancel the marathon as it will teach him to be more organised in the future. Perhaps suggest that you will go with a friend or relative instead and see if that concentrates his mind.

[BarryTheKestrel]

I really hope you go OP. Leave him to run his little race. Take a friend or family member if you can but if not, you can do it alone! It'll be fine! Don't let him ruin your chance of a holiday!

[ShoesHaveSouls]

If he's already running in two this year - to cancel a whole family holiday in Lanzarote, for a third run, is bloody ridiculous. He comes across as selfish, and quite belittling of you OP. Don't back down!

[ModerateBecomingGoodLater]

My DH has an all consuming hobby, which is taking him away for 23 nights, and about 20 weekend days between now and October.

He hung his little head in counselling a few weeks ago and said one of the things he'd like is for us to "have some fun".

I'm not sure he expected me to book 2 weekend running trips and two big running races for myself, and three weekends for me and the kids for when he's away but that's what happened.

Don't even think about bottling it at the airport.

[Longdistance]

Well, I'm a stress head, and I flew from Oz to the Uk on my own with dd's who were not quite 3yo and 14 months old.

Maybe get someone to come with you, if not make sure there's a kids club 😀

[SquinkiesRule]

Prove him wrong OP go without him and have a bloody good time. Take a friend if you want adult company.

[PurplePidjin]

Make sure you ask if he had a nice little jog after any run above 6 miles