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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU husband went out with couples friends without me

226 replies

Flobird61 · 18/04/2017 06:24

I'll try to make a long story short. My husband wanted to take me to a concert but waited for the last minute and could only get 1 ticket. I wanted to go with him so he said if he couldn't get another ticket he would sell his. A group of his couple friends we're going so we'd make a night of it.
Well he couldn't get another ticket so I said that it wasn't really fair to go on his own so he should sell it. Well he didn't and buggered off to this concert with all of his friends he was the only single one. Then to rub salt into the wound I had to watch pictures all evening popping up on FB with selfies of them all.
It really upset me and it caused a massive row. He said he was really sorry but it didn't look like that from his pictures.
I would have never done this to him.
AIBU

Ps. I don't mind if he has nights out without me but this felt we should have gone together

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 18/04/2017 10:16

"The reason he never bought tickets first of all was because his friend was working the door and told him for us to just turn up and he'd let us in"
That doesn't sound like being on a staff ticket to me WhatALoadOfOldBollocks. It's possible they were, and husband dressed it up to sound more edgy, but I still think it was a story he spun.

Original poster
Flobird61 · 18/04/2017 10:21

I'm certainly not being a martyr I wanted to take him to London and I wanted to go to the music festival. I'm not drip feeding I'm just not writing my whole 5 year relationship on here.
I'm not upset about those things all I was upset about was that he said he was getting us tickets to a concert then he bought one and went without me.

It's amazing how things get changed around on here.

He's a great husband who has been by my side during cancer we've had troubles for a while and he went out without me when we was supposed to go together. If from the very beginning he said he wanted to go to a concert with his mates I would have been fine and wouldn't had issues but he didn't do that. But then if I found out all of his mates wives we're going I'd be miffed as I'm sure most of you would. Then you assume there's something wrong..

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 18/04/2017 10:24

Rescuepuppydaft2
If me and DH were making a big night plan then we'd not be turning up and chancing getting in somewhere. We'd book tickets in good time to ensure we get in. The only reason they ended up with 1 ticket is because neither the OP or DH seemed to care enough about the gig to actually buy tickets to ensure they got in. So it cant have been that big a deal.

If it was a big deal/planned night out to go to this event etc then OP and DH were very silly to rest their entire plans on goodwill from a friend to get them in on the door.

Original poster
Flobird61 · 18/04/2017 10:26

Rescuepuppydaft2 your right I think AIBU is quite brutal. I've never posted on here before so I'm a newbie poster.

I guess like I said before
A. I thought i might get some reassurance
B. Think I was a tad unreasonable.

Guess I definitely found out.

OP posts:
Sisinisawa · 18/04/2017 10:28

I think he was mean and yanbu.
My husband wouldn't do that to me.

BillSykesDog · 18/04/2017 10:29

I think B) a tad unreasonable. And TBH given what you've been through it's perfectly understandable.

But it's Mumsnet and unless you posted that your DH was rolling out a red carpet, scattering you in rose petals, feeding you peeled grapes and catering to your every whim you'd get told he was abusive. And probably someone then would still be telling you all the vitamins were in the grape skin so you should LTB.

Original poster
Flobird61 · 18/04/2017 10:35

BillSykesDog sorry what does LTB mean.
I just looked up abbreviations and it gave me lots of different terms including Lick The Balls..lol
I'm assuming that's not what you meant..lol Blush

OP posts:
Coastalcommand · 18/04/2017 10:38

They were his childhood friends. Be glad he had a good time with them and plan something nice to do together.

MaisyPops · 18/04/2017 10:39

BillSykesDog
Yup.
Fine to be a bit upset about it. Can understand why OP feels a bit huet.
A tad unreasonable to be this wound up about it all. If the gig was such a big deal then relying on friends to get you in on the door was silly (actually booking 2 tickets properly could have solved the whole thing).

But totally agree with the chorus of LTB. Seems to be the done reply at the moment for anything that isnt totally romantic. Anyone who says itherwise is clearlg just trying to be a 'cool girl'. Hmm

BillSykesDog · 18/04/2017 10:40

Hahaha. 'Leave the bastard'.

Original poster
Flobird61 · 18/04/2017 10:44

BillSykesDog oooohhhhh that makes much more sense.
I won't be doing that either..lol

OP posts:
differentnameforthis · 18/04/2017 10:46

I think he purposefully left it too late to buy tickets because he wanted to go by himself.

IF he wanted to surprise you, why wait til last minute??

GinIsIn · 18/04/2017 10:47

OP I'm sorry you've had a tough time and it's fine to be miffed, but what we are saying is that it's not reasonable to expect him to martyr himself and miss seeing his friends as you were going to miss out either way. And that it's a bit silly to spend the evening instead deliberately torturing yourself on social media.

I think what people don't understand is why, when the original plan was ruined so either way you weren't having the night you wanted, you wanted to stop him going?

Booboo66 · 18/04/2017 10:48

Can you not arrange another night out together in the near future? Struggling to see the big deal here!

CheeseCrackersAndWine · 18/04/2017 10:57

Seems pretty silly for you both to have missed out... Ideally you both would have been able to go but I don't really see why you both needed to miss out. While I'd have been disappointed I think YABVU to be annoyed at your husband for going without you.

TheReefer · 18/04/2017 11:05

he wanted to go to a concert with his mates I would have been fine and wouldn't had issues but he didn't do that. But then if I found out all of his mates wives we're going I'd be miffed as I'm sure most of you would

Sorry hun I disagree. It sounds as if your husband is allowed out with his mates, but it you kick off if other females are there

I had to watch pictures all evening popping up on FB with selfies of them all No you didn't have to hun. You chose to.

I would have never done this to him OVERLY DRAMATIC, he has had a night out, not bedded your sister. You sound way high maintenance from this sentence

STOP making a good man pay for something he hasn't done wrong. Or you don't deserve him

I don't mean to sound b1tchy towards you I really don't, I think you need a kick up the butt in terms of adult relationships though!

MusicToMyEars800 · 18/04/2017 11:07

I think Wannabe is spot on and I think that's OP's point.

EweAreHere · 18/04/2017 11:09

I think you have a right to be unhappy and disappointed with your DH, OP.

He didn't do what he said he was going to do, and he seemed quite underhanded about it. He said he was going to take you out, then bought a single ticket, said he would sell it if he couldn't get another, but then didn't.

He should have talked to you about him really wanting to go, or found something else for the two of you to go out an do.

Original poster
Flobird61 · 18/04/2017 11:09

TheReefer thank you Reefer I shall it all in consideration and immediately divorce him so he can find much better.

OP posts:
TheReefer · 18/04/2017 11:14

TheReefer thank you Reefer I shall it all in consideration and immediately divorce him so he can find much better
Over dramatic, once again

Given the concert issue, he doesn't sound like he has committed a crime, however you seem desperate to be a victim of some kind.

Original poster
Flobird61 · 18/04/2017 11:16

As stated before I came on for a little guidance to whether I was or not being unreasonable and I've listened to everyone's parts. I agree on both side yes I'm hurt but yes probably a bit unreasonable. I've been feeling really shit about myself after all the chemo gaining weight my hair literally turned grey overnight toenails falling off along with all my scars. Now I'm playing the martyr card.
I've been feeling shit about myself I was looking forward to getting dressed up making an effort and spending an evening dancing with my husband as things have been strained with us. But maybe your right TheReffer I'm obviously overbearing jealous and he deserves much better.

You should be a therapist you'd make loads of money.

OP posts:
VictoriaPollardMD · 18/04/2017 11:21

He doesn't sound like he has committed a crime, however you seem desperate to be a victim of some kind.

Bit overdramatic there, Reefer, OP is posting on AIBU for discussion. But I can see where you are coming from, sorry things haven't worked out better for you with women.

TheReefer · 18/04/2017 11:22

I think there are clearly two separate issues going on then, your illness and the night out - that is understandable

No one has said you are overbearingly jealous. It is almost like you want to be a victim and have people say mean things - no one has, I see one else use the 'Martyr' word, other than you OP

MAYBE you should have said all this in your post one. as now after eight pages, we are getting to what the real issue is, which seems to be a confidence thing relating to your illness - as opposed to obsessing over your man going out ?

Original poster
Flobird61 · 18/04/2017 11:23

I'm really sorry everyone I do appreciate everyone's opinions and I came on here to see both sides of the coin. As much as I've agreed and disagreed with your post having someone who doesn't know me or I don't know to tell me my husband deserves better it's shitty.
I will learn and draw a line under it and know not to get advice from mumsnet.
My skin is not that thick.

Thank you all for your help. Take care.

OP posts:
Beeziekn33ze · 18/04/2017 11:23

Friend on the door wasn't much use then!
Hopefully the two of you are now planning a concert trip together and going to buy two tickets in good time. Friends or just the two of you, enjoy it anyway!

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