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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU husband went out with couples friends without me

226 replies

Flobird61 · 18/04/2017 06:24

I'll try to make a long story short. My husband wanted to take me to a concert but waited for the last minute and could only get 1 ticket. I wanted to go with him so he said if he couldn't get another ticket he would sell his. A group of his couple friends we're going so we'd make a night of it.
Well he couldn't get another ticket so I said that it wasn't really fair to go on his own so he should sell it. Well he didn't and buggered off to this concert with all of his friends he was the only single one. Then to rub salt into the wound I had to watch pictures all evening popping up on FB with selfies of them all.
It really upset me and it caused a massive row. He said he was really sorry but it didn't look like that from his pictures.
I would have never done this to him.
AIBU

Ps. I don't mind if he has nights out without me but this felt we should have gone together

OP posts:
WatchHowISoar · 18/04/2017 08:44

X post

Have you spoken to him about it since op?

OwlinaTree · 18/04/2017 08:45

I think it was mean, and I think he knew it was really. He wanted to go on the night out so he decided he would go. There could have been ways round this. You and him could have gone to the venue and tried to get a ticket there. You and him could have swapped at the interval or half way (I know that's not always possible). You all could have met them at the end and gone for drinks elsewhere.

He could have tried to include you without wasting the ticket.

To all those saying people can go out without their partners, you are missing the point. This was a night out for both of them that the op was then excluded from as it didn't suit. That's a totally different scenario.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 18/04/2017 08:45

Sorry I think YABU. Don't understand this couples evening stuff. If everyone was happy to have him there they obviously weren't bothered about the couple aspect.

Nipperknight · 18/04/2017 08:46

I would have sent him off to have a good evening and arranged a joint event for us both another night.

I do understand why you feel upset but I think YABU.

Ecureuil · 18/04/2017 08:47

I understand why you're upset OP, but the fact is that even if your DH had sold his ticket, you still wouldn't have got those things you wanted (drinks, dancing, dinner with friends). Neither of you would have got them.
Can you arrange another night out soon?

VictoriaPollardMD · 18/04/2017 08:47

Ask DH why he wanted to go without you. I hope you get the honest reply.

EC22 · 18/04/2017 08:47

You wanted to go but you couldn't, you didn't have a ticket. No need for you both to miss out though.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/04/2017 08:53

Exactly blunt, most people I know would be pissed off with that, that is why I said that Mumsnet is a parallel universe as it is. Op see if you can get 2 tickets and take a friend with you another time, and sod him.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/04/2017 08:55

Op the way your dh behaved, I would be, it was very underhanded, and he did not seem to care about you, and went back on his word. If he came to you and said, look Flo I have only one ticket, I can sell if you want, what shall we do? You would probably have told him to go and enjoy himelf, but the way he acted was very selfish.

LazySusan11 · 18/04/2017 08:56

I don't think it matters if yabu or not, you feel hurt and left out and that should be good enough. You don't need others to validate how you feel.

If you haven't already, speak to him tell him how you feel. I suspect this is symptomatic of something else that's going on between you.

rizlett · 18/04/2017 08:58

OooOooo - thank you bluntness for the smiley advice - I haven't got square brackets unfortunately...I'll never be able to give flowers.... :(

OnionKnight · 18/04/2017 08:58

It was mean of him but didn't I read that they were his childhood friends, not yours? In which case it's hardly the crime of the century, he should have been upfront about the fact that he was still going.

OnionKnight · 18/04/2017 08:59

Square brackets are these - [ and ] every keyboard has them.

Original poster
Flobird61 · 18/04/2017 08:59

Aeroflotgirl if that conversation would have come up I would have probably been fine about it. Last year he went to a concert with his son I even drove them to London left them for the day and picked them up. But I wasn't happy about how it was handled and plus I wanted to be Part of it.
I'm not normally an unreasonable person

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 18/04/2017 09:00

I agree with you OP. I would be hurt too.

I wouldn't do that to my husband and he wouldn't do it to me.

If I really wanted to see something and dh was only coming along to keep me company I would go on my own, if it was something we both equally wanted to do together then no, we wouldn't piss off leaving the other one who was looking forward to it as well at home.

Original poster
Flobird61 · 18/04/2017 09:02

OnionKnight yes they are his friends and he's been out many a time without me but the point of this was we was supposed to be going together.

OP posts:
Huskylover1 · 18/04/2017 09:03

You are NOT being unreasonable!!!!!

  • Your husband tells you he really wants to take you to a concert.

  • He dicks about and leaves it too late to get 2 tickets

  • He buys 1 ticket anyway, knowing it's unlikely he will get another

  • He tells you if he can't get another ticket, then he will sell the 1 he has, and that you will go together another time.

  • Then when he doesn't manage to get another ticket, he doesn't offer you the 1 ticket that he does have, he ear marks it for himself, rather than selling at as he said he would.

  • He goes to concert, leaving you at home, then post pics on Facebook all night, proclaiming what fun he is having, whilst you are left sitting at home, like Billy no mates, watching him and everyone else having fun, at the concert he promised to take you to.

For all the women saying this is just fine....time to raise the bar, me thinks.

Ecureuil · 18/04/2017 09:06

For all the women saying this is just fine....time to raise the bar, me thinks

DH would have told me to go alone too as there would be no point us both missing out. Maybe he needs to raise his bar.

FeckTheMagicDragon · 18/04/2017 09:07

He was disorganised. And because of it, he let you down. It was also selfish to go without you. I'd have felt let down and excluded too. If this is the only time this sort of thing has happened, talk to him and forgive? If it's common, maybe do a bit of hard thinking.

Ceto · 18/04/2017 09:08

But I wanted to be Part of that night ...I wanted to go for dinner with him and his friends and enjoy a conversation

But, again, that wasn't going to happen anyway given that you could not get two tickets. So why would it have helped for both of you to miss out?

Charley50 · 18/04/2017 09:09

It does seem a bit mean and even maybe premeditated OP. Do you think he planned it to pan out like this? Can you speak to him about it?

Aeroflotgirl · 18/04/2017 09:09

They are her friends as well. I would be hurt, the way he handled it was very thoughtless and selfish, that is what op has an issue with. Yes for those who are fine to be treated this way, time to up it a bit.

allowlsthinkalot · 18/04/2017 09:11

OP is getting a really unfair time here. They were going to go to a concert together with friends. She was looking forward to it. Husband bought one ticket (having left it too late to get a second) and left out his wife. He was a selfish arse. I wouldn't do that to my dh or even to a friend I'd promised to go with.

MaisyPops · 18/04/2017 09:12

Ecureuil
Nothing about raising the bar. I'd be irritated at DHs lack of organisation (and would tell him!) but don't see that neither of us going makes the situation better. Just both of us end up missing out which seems silly.

Now if he did it all the time then I'd be quite annoyed. But this sounds like the DH and OP havr different ideas about what this night out was, he views it how I do (casual night out with some music) whereas in later posts OP had been saying it was some lovely weekend away they'd planned due to illness etc. Clearly they aren't on the same page about it and the OP can feel hurt. It doesnt mean that the DH was wrong and some mean perosn.

RiversrunWoodville · 18/04/2017 09:13

Fwiw I don't think yabu, you were meant to go together. Only one ticket was available so for some odd reason he bought that instead of saying oh sorry we missed it this time but I will try and see if any come available. This was made even worse when it was clearly a couples thing, not because "clearly couples can do things apart" of course they can, but he had offered to sell and they had originally planned to go together. I think he was just being an arse