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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU husband went out with couples friends without me

226 replies

Flobird61 · 18/04/2017 06:24

I'll try to make a long story short. My husband wanted to take me to a concert but waited for the last minute and could only get 1 ticket. I wanted to go with him so he said if he couldn't get another ticket he would sell his. A group of his couple friends we're going so we'd make a night of it.
Well he couldn't get another ticket so I said that it wasn't really fair to go on his own so he should sell it. Well he didn't and buggered off to this concert with all of his friends he was the only single one. Then to rub salt into the wound I had to watch pictures all evening popping up on FB with selfies of them all.
It really upset me and it caused a massive row. He said he was really sorry but it didn't look like that from his pictures.
I would have never done this to him.
AIBU

Ps. I don't mind if he has nights out without me but this felt we should have gone together

OP posts:
Notso · 18/04/2017 08:09

Flobird wears there any further conversation inbetween getting the ticket and the day of the event.

Original poster
Flobird61 · 18/04/2017 08:11

rizlett I was I'll last year with 'C' so I had to miss out on things due to illness and when I do go out I struggled with pain and tiredness cause of chemo.
Plus there's been other family illnesses that have put strain on us so I was looking forward to night with my partner and friends as the last time we all went to a music festival I slept on a picnic blanket a lot of the day because my husband wouldn't go without me and I didn't want to ruin his day.

OP posts:
Notso · 18/04/2017 08:12

Was not wears.

I understand the FB posts just served to upset you more but in that situation I'd have swerved FB for a few days rather than making myself feel worse. Sorry you have been having a stressful time recently.

BertrandRussell · 18/04/2017 08:12

"Married couples do things together"

Well. I'm not married, so I can't possibly understand. Grin. But it seems to me that it depends how it happened. Concert coming up- left it too late so only one ticket's available. Buy it- hoping to get another on EBay. Dosn't happen. Cue discussion. Who likes band best? That person has ticket. Both like band equally? The person whose group of friends is going gets to go, (having bought wine/ice cream/whatever for the other) Group of mutual friends? Toss/arm wrestle/ip dip do- winner goes. That is absolutely fine. But maybe only if you're not married

Second scenario. Left it too late to buy tickets. Only one available. No discussion, one person says's they're going and tough shit to the other. Not at all fine.

Third scenario. One ticket available so neither goes. Completely bonkers.

childmaintenanceserviceinquiry · 18/04/2017 08:12

i think you have some crazy responses. I would be upset too. I dont think your DH tried very hard to get you a ticket at all. He gave you several excuses and the delay impacted either of you applying properly for tickets. After all the other couples maanged to get tickets, whilst your DH was trying to "cag" some free off a friend, then mysteriously 1 ticket appears.

I'd be watching over the next few weeks/months just to see what life looked like. I'd also be thinking back hard over our life together seeing if this was typical.

Notso · 18/04/2017 08:14

X posted then flobird, Flowers

Original poster
Flobird61 · 18/04/2017 08:14

Notso he said he was still trying to get a ticket. But the morning of the concert he left early. He knew I was upset we had a quick discussion over it and he left.

OP posts:
WannaBe · 18/04/2017 08:15

So he left and it only transpired after he'd gone that he'd gone to the night out?

DevelopingDetritus · 18/04/2017 08:20

I can understand your upset OP, any reasonable person wouldn't have bought one bloody ticket in the first place! If two weren't available, like PP mentioned you'd do something else.

Original poster
Flobird61 · 18/04/2017 08:21

No we had a discussion before he left. He wanted to go to the concert so he did.

OP posts:
HarveySchlumpfenburger · 18/04/2017 08:23

YANBU. That was a pretty mean thing to do.

I think child might be right and I suspect he had no intention of selling the ticket at all.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/04/2017 08:26

Actually I totally agree with op, she wanted to go too, if he coulden't get another ticket then he should have sold his, and looked for other concerts where they can go together. Very shitty of him. I am all for being an individual in a relationship, and sometimes doing your own thing, but to do what op dh did, was crap, sorry it was. My husband does not like eating out, so I go out with my friends. That is a concert that op really wanted to go to, as well, with their friends, so she missed it. Hope he makes it up to you.

Nospringflower · 18/04/2017 08:28

I have come round to thinking it was mean too. Especially considering what a difficult time you have had.

I would speak to him about it and make it clear how unhappy you ere / are and then move on. Flowers

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 18/04/2017 08:28

YANBU

  • You planned to go as a couple
  • He was going to get 2 tickets (or get his mate on the doors to let you in)
  • He only bought 1 ticket but said he'd sell it if you both couldn't go
  • He went back on his word and went without you [Ouch!]
  • He then posted all night on FB saying what a great time he was having doing something you'd planned to do together. Seriously, that's like rubbing salt into the wound isn't it [Ouch!]

I think it's rather sad that posters think there's nothing wrong in a partner going back on their word and leaving their partner dissapointed

Ceto · 18/04/2017 08:30

I get it that you were looking forward to a night out with your husband, but that wasn't going to happen whatever he did, was it? And it has nothing to do with the fact that he used the one ticket. If he hadn't used it, you still wouldn't have had your night out.

Bluntness100 · 18/04/2017 08:31

Op, organise something else. Yes it sucks being the one left out, it's clearly subjective if a spouse should expect the other to also miss out. In some marriages yes that's the expectation, in other marriages not. However in uour marriage you have differening views, you expected him to miss out if you couldn't go and he didn't feel this way. Chalk it up to whatever and organise something else for you him and even his friends to go to and instead of arguing, sit down with your husband and discuss your expectations of each other.

rizlett · 18/04/2017 08:31

What would you like to happen next op?

I would 'post' flowers - but I haven't worked out how to do that yet!

I'm sorry your health has been a problem over the past year - maybe now it's time to only do what really makes you happy?

What is that exactly - what would bring you happiness?

Aeroflotgirl · 18/04/2017 08:33

It was mean, sometimes I think Mumsnet is a parallel universe, as IRL this would not be acceptable. If he could only get one, he should have not got them, and gone another time when he could get too, espcially op really wanting to go. He rubbed your face in it with the pictures. It is hurtful.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/04/2017 08:37

He went back on his word, and did not do what he told op he was going to do, treated her pretty shoddily. I expect if those who are saying you are being unreasonable, had that done to you by your partner, you would be pretty pissed off!

Bluntness100 · 18/04/2017 08:39

It was mean, sometimes I think Mumsnet is a parallel universe, as IRL this would not be acceptable

To you maybe, it would have been wholly acceptable to me and my husband. And was clearly wholly acceptable to the ops husband. And clearly acceptable to many others posting on here.

Rizlett, to post flowers its square brackets and write the word flowers in between them, Flowers

Ecureuil · 18/04/2017 08:41

I expect if those who are saying you are being unreasonable, had that done to you by your partner, you would be pretty pissed off!

Yes, but in my marriage it would never have got to that point. I would never have told DH to sell the ticket, and if he'd offered to I would have told him to go ahead as there would be no point us both missing out.
That's the only point at which I think the OP was a little bit U. Him saying he'd sell then not doing so was wrong, but I would never have expected him to sell. We would have arranged another night out together at another time.

babyinarms · 18/04/2017 08:41

I'd be upset / jealous too tbh! Ye had decided to go together. He should have at least offered you the ticket even if he was secretly hoping you'd say ' no, you go'.
I know I'd be fuming with the photos on fb too, but I'd also be annoyed at myself for feeling that way iykwim.
He has been selfish about it and he needs to make it up to you somehow.
I think posters have been very unfair on you here, as a pp said, maybe the relationship thread would have been a better place to post Flowers

MaisyPops · 18/04/2017 08:42

Agree bluntness. 1 ticket available for a casually arranged night out/gig means that either me or my DH would go depending on the group. E.g. it's 'our friends we know via my uni mates' i would go still. If it was 'oyr friends we know through his sports team' he would go

Original poster
Flobird61 · 18/04/2017 08:43

I think the reason we post on AIBU is because
A. We went people to agree with us and
B. Maybe we think we've been a tad unreasonable and too see other people's views on it.

I guess that was my reasoning. I would never want my husband to not enjoy himself or certainly only ever go out without me it's great to have time apart and then to come home and chat about it. But I wanted to be Part of that night I wanted a night of dancing I wanted to be able to have a few drinks and let go off all of the stresses of the weeks. I wanted to go for dinner with him and his friends and enjoy a conversation. If I'd said to him go to the concert I would have been fine just like I have every time he's gone out without me. But this time I just wanted to be Part of it.

Thank you for all of your opinions mumsnetters.

OP posts:
WatchHowISoar · 18/04/2017 08:43

Yanbu I'd feel upset too that he just upped and left. Ultimately if my dh was only able to get one ticket and still offered to sell it then I'd tell him to go out with his friends but to be told that he was going without would put my back up.

Did you want to go to the concert? If you wanted the friend/couples experience then could he gave justified it to himself as you not wanting the concert part anyway?

I would be pissed off if my dh and I planned a night together having fun and he decided to go out for said fun without me.