Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU husband went out with couples friends without me

226 replies

Flobird61 · 18/04/2017 06:24

I'll try to make a long story short. My husband wanted to take me to a concert but waited for the last minute and could only get 1 ticket. I wanted to go with him so he said if he couldn't get another ticket he would sell his. A group of his couple friends we're going so we'd make a night of it.
Well he couldn't get another ticket so I said that it wasn't really fair to go on his own so he should sell it. Well he didn't and buggered off to this concert with all of his friends he was the only single one. Then to rub salt into the wound I had to watch pictures all evening popping up on FB with selfies of them all.
It really upset me and it caused a massive row. He said he was really sorry but it didn't look like that from his pictures.
I would have never done this to him.
AIBU

Ps. I don't mind if he has nights out without me but this felt we should have gone together

OP posts:
Silverdream · 18/04/2017 07:39

I can see why you're feeling hurt. He held off buying the tickets when there were plenty. Got one and then went against what he said and went without you.
Seeing pictures of people having fun when you've been excluded is not the best.
There needed to be a conversation that went. What do we do about this.
Sell it.
Or choose which one of you has it.
He goes early and tries to find someone selling a spare.
It needed to be a joint decision.
You may have decided he goes and that you plan another night out to make up for it.
I think you're upset about how he went about it. I get that.

TheNaze73 · 18/04/2017 07:40

YABU

Crumbs1 · 18/04/2017 07:43

Some people on here just don't understand marriage at all.
Why on earth did he ever buy just one ticket? If two weren't available then he shouldn't have bought any without discussion.
Married couples do things together- not unreasonably. Fine if he likes heavy metal and you like classical to go to different events but if you both like the same then it's not very nice to go without you.
He owes you big time.

SinglePringle · 18/04/2017 07:44

StillDriving nope. Wrong. It's a phrase me and my partner use about food.

And even if I were, what's your point?

Original poster
Flobird61 · 18/04/2017 07:45

Mysterycat23 no there's never normally a problem with either of us going out separately and I wouldn't say to him he couldn't go out just as he wouldn't say it to me. We normally discuss things but for some reason it didn't happen this time. Maybe because we've been under a lot of stress.

OP posts:
Ecureuil · 18/04/2017 07:46

Some people on here just don't understand marriage at all

I seem to be doing alright at marriage thanks!
Yes he shouldn't have said he was going to sell if he wasn't. That was wrong. In my marriage, if DH (or I) said we would sell a ticket the other would say 'don't be silly, no point us both missing out'. My marriage must be doomed.

MaisyPops · 18/04/2017 07:48

Crumbs1
Nobody is saying married people can't ir shouldn't do things together.

We're just saying it sucks that they could only get one ticket but him going out with his childhood friends is ok. Not ideal, but that the OP is wrong to be pissed off about it. It doesn't sound like a '5 couples all agreed we would do X on this set night and have booked tickets' it sounds more 'pete and harry are off to a gig. Their wives/gf are coming. Fancy getting tickets?' Much more casual and informal arrangement where people just buy them as they go (as shown when OP mentioned getting them on the door so this isnt a big tour date. Its probably a local music night).

The OP didnt have to sit in facebook moping about the photos.

paddlenorapaddle · 18/04/2017 07:48

Can I just ask what did he say when he came back

Bluntness100 · 18/04/2017 07:48

Some people on here just don't understand marriage at all

I understand marriage perfectly well thank you, having been married for 24 years happily and yes we do stuff together and apart. But I'd never want my husband to miss out if I couldn't go to something as only one ticket available And he wouldn't want me to miss out in the same scenario.

Your marriage is clearly very different. But it doesn't mean I go on line and start wholesale telling people they don't understand marriage if their marriage is not like mine, Hmm

mummypig14 · 18/04/2017 07:50

I would be fuming!! That is such a nasty thing to do.

Also baffled at the amount of people who think that's an okay way to behave in a relationship.

GinIsIn · 18/04/2017 07:52

Crumbs My understanding of marriage is based on my husband and I not wanting to punish each other unnecessarily and wanting each other to be happy. Seems to be working pretty well for us.... Hmm

Itsnotwhatitseems · 18/04/2017 07:52

maybe you should have picked straws for who went that way it would have been fairer

Original poster
Flobird61 · 18/04/2017 07:52

Agreed MaisyPops I shouldn't have looked on Facebook but the pictures would have still come up the next morning on my feed so I would have still seen.

It just made me feel left out when I wanted to be Part of it.

OP posts:
Itsnotwhatitseems · 18/04/2017 07:54

The photo thing is cruel too, My ex told me I could got out with him and the family to eat as I was supposed to be losing weight, then he proceeded to text me photos of evert morsel he ate, this reminds me of that and it made me feel shit (he is an ex for a reason)

Itsnotwhatitseems · 18/04/2017 07:54

couldn't not could

thatcoldfeeling · 18/04/2017 07:55

I am with you, it would make me feel utterly hurt and left out. It is not that he should not enjoy himself and I don't think that is what the OP is saying, but that would really upset me too and I think the OP is NBU to be upset.

Original poster
Flobird61 · 18/04/2017 07:55

paddlenorapaddle he was staying out for the night as it was too far to come home.
Hence we was going to make an evening of it.

OP posts:
RhiWrites · 18/04/2017 07:58

It was mean to leave you out. Surprised so many are saying differently.

Now he's saying he's "really sorry",how is he going to make it up to you. An apology involves actions as well as words.

Original poster
Flobird61 · 18/04/2017 07:58

Itsnotwhatitseems it was about picking straws it was about us going out together.
I was looking forward to a night out with my husband and his/our friends.

OP posts:
Guitargirl · 18/04/2017 07:59

Some people on here just don't understand marriage at all

What an absolutely ridiculous thing to say. You can't just denigrate a load of people's marriages because they're different from your own.

OP - it sounds as though you and your husband viewed this night out differently. You had obviously invested quite a bit in it emotionally in terms of it being a night to reconnect following a period of illness and stress? And he - didn't.

Maybe you need to just write this one off now as a mis-communication and talk about finding another time for you both. But perhaps just the 2 of you without a load of other couples.

WannaBe · 18/04/2017 07:59

But this is clearly not about a bloke daring to go out without his wife. It's about the fact that he said that he wanted them to go out together, especially given they have recently been through a hard time, and then went without her with no discussion at all.

All the talk of his selling the ticket/wanting to go with OP etc and then just going anyway sounds as if he was setting this up somehow. I doubt he even tried to get another ticket, he just wanted the OP to think that he did so that it wouldn't become obvious he never wanted her there in the first place.

Notso · 18/04/2017 08:00

I don't understand how you would get to the day of the concert with only one ticket between you without some kind of conversation about it. If it was something I really wanted to go to I'd be looking for a ticket, talking about not getting one etc.

YABU to moan about Facebook pictures.

rizlett · 18/04/2017 08:01

What else is going on op?

What is it that you are both stressed about?

Ecureuil · 18/04/2017 08:03

After he said he'd sell the ticket, what happened? How did you get to the night of the concert without a further discussion about it? Did you just assume he'd sold it and then on the night of the concert he said 'ok then I'm off, see you in the morning?'

Original poster
Flobird61 · 18/04/2017 08:05

Notso your right I shouldn't moan about the Fb pictures. But it upset me not because I don't want anyone to have fun but because I wanted to be Part of it.

OP posts: