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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU husband went out with couples friends without me

226 replies

Flobird61 · 18/04/2017 06:24

I'll try to make a long story short. My husband wanted to take me to a concert but waited for the last minute and could only get 1 ticket. I wanted to go with him so he said if he couldn't get another ticket he would sell his. A group of his couple friends we're going so we'd make a night of it.
Well he couldn't get another ticket so I said that it wasn't really fair to go on his own so he should sell it. Well he didn't and buggered off to this concert with all of his friends he was the only single one. Then to rub salt into the wound I had to watch pictures all evening popping up on FB with selfies of them all.
It really upset me and it caused a massive row. He said he was really sorry but it didn't look like that from his pictures.
I would have never done this to him.
AIBU

Ps. I don't mind if he has nights out without me but this felt we should have gone together

OP posts:
Ecureuil · 18/04/2017 07:19

And both of us often go out separately with groups of couple friends, as we often struggle to get a baby sitter. I don't see why going out with all couples is an issue to be honest.

Original poster
Flobird61 · 18/04/2017 07:20

That's it exactly Wannabe. He actually said he'd sell the ticket if he couldn't get another one. Then he just went. That's why I'm upset.
I've never had a problem with him going out with friends he's been out with them before on a birthday but I was too Ill to go and I didn't want him to miss out.

I know we come on here for opinions and to get other views which I wanted as I wanted to know if I was being unreasonable but it's quite horrible when people think they know you and say your controlling or hard work.

This is the first time I've posted on here and it's quite brutal maybe I need thicker skin.

OP posts:
Ecureuil · 18/04/2017 07:21

My goodness, it's like cool girl central round here at the moment, can't move for all the man pleasers

Well in that case DH must be a 'cool boy' and a 'woman pleaser' as if there was only one ticket to an event that my childhood friends were going to he'd tell me to go on my own too.

DameDeDoubtance · 18/04/2017 07:22

Flobird, maybe post on relationships instead. Flowers

DameDeDoubtance · 18/04/2017 07:23

But that didn't happen Ecru and you didn't post. Confused

HardcoreLadyType · 18/04/2017 07:24

Hmm. I think I'd like to know more about your discussion once you knew there was only one ticket. Was the ticket offered to you, but you declined it?

If there was only one ticket, and he really wanted to go, then I think it was unkind of you to say he must sell the ticket, but equally, if he asked you if you wanted it, and you said, no, if you couldn't both go, you'd rather sell it, he might have taken that to mean you weren't all that interested in going, anyway.

So, if he didn't offer you the ticket, he was unreasonable about that, but if he did, and you chose not to use it, then I think it was okay for him to use it.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 18/04/2017 07:24

SinglePringle Tue 18-Apr-17 06:50:14
Couples evening. Ugh.

The user name is a dead giveaway!

unicorn5629 · 18/04/2017 07:25

I think your agreement was wrong from the onset. It shouldn't be to sell if another can't be obtained, that way you'd both be missing out. I think the chat should have gone thus "we can only get one ticket so far in the instance that we can't get another do you mind if I still go with my childhood friends"

That way both parties are aware of potential outcomes and whilst still disappointing may soften the blow ever so.

GinIsIn · 18/04/2017 07:25

Cool girl central?! This always happens on threads like this. OP: AIBU? Almost everyone: YES and then a few posters pop up to accuse the reasonable people if trying to be cool and man pleasing.

FFS!! I'm married to a lovely man. I would like him to spend time with his childhood friends, and I would never be so mean as to try and stop him. BUT because I'm married to a lovely man, I know he'd never try to stop me going if the roles were reversed. Does that make him a cool girl too? A woman pleaser? Or are we both just nice people with the correct priorities? Hmm

Ecureuil · 18/04/2017 07:26

Yeah, and what's your point?
My point was that telling your partner to take the only ticket and go out does not make you a 'cool girl' (ridiculous phrase) or a 'man pleaser'. Plenty of men would do the same. You just used those phrases as a way of putting us all down.

Ecureuil · 18/04/2017 07:28

FenellaMaxwellsPony put it much better than I did. There's always someone who wants to accuse us reasonable types of being a 'man pleaser'

Original poster
Flobird61 · 18/04/2017 07:29

He bought the single ticket and his words not mine was ' If I can't get another ticket I'll sell this one cause I want to go together.
Then at the last minute he chose to go no discussion

OP posts:
HermioneJeanGranger · 18/04/2017 07:30

Then that is shitty of him OP. No wonder you felt upset and left out.

Original poster
Flobird61 · 18/04/2017 07:30

What do you mean Stilldrivingmebonkers the username is a dead giveaway

OP posts:
Pillowaddict · 18/04/2017 07:30

No way would my dh buy only one ticket to an event we both wanted to attend and go without me, I'd be hugely upset if he did. Yanbu and I don't understand why so many pp think it's ok for a partner to behave so selfishly with no repercussions or discussions about you being hurt.
It's not about not wasting a ticket, or one of you getting to enjoy it (because in that case, why him?) it's about a shared event becoming something for only him to enjoy. Not fair.

KateDaniels2 · 18/04/2017 07:30

Its fuck all to do with being a cool girl.

I put myself in both ops and her dhs position before posting. And i think sibu.

Should i automatically side with the women because she is a woman?

Women can think for themselves and have an opinion.

The 'cool wives/girls' comments are as bad as sexist comments. Essentiallu saying 'you must side with women because they are women....or will will treat you like shit.'

Bluntness100 · 18/04/2017 07:31

It's shit not being able to get a ticket, but no way would I want my husband to sell his ticket when going with his childhood friends. In fact if he offered I'd think he was nuts, say thanks but no thanks and want him to go and have a great time. I would not wish to go with his child hood friends instead of him nor would I wish him to miss out. And my husband would feel the same way if it was me who had the ticket and my childhood friends.

So on that I think you're being totally unreasonable. He shOuld never have said he would sell it if he didn't get another one, and you should never have wanted him to anyway. Actively wanting him to stay home and miss out if you can't go is fairly shitty in my book.

Smeaton · 18/04/2017 07:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KoalaDownUnder · 18/04/2017 07:32

Yes I did feel left out it was a bit rubbish seeing loads of pictures popping up all evening of everyone enjoying the night and me not being part of it.

Honestly, this is part of the problem. Bloody social media gives people the worst FOMO.

In future, if you're not at something, you're not at it. Go and give something else your full attention for the duration!

HardcoreLadyType · 18/04/2017 07:33

Well, then he was unreasonable. But that's different to what your OP says, which was this;

"Well he couldn't get another ticket so I said that it wasn't really fair to go on his own so he should sell it."

I think that is why people have disagreed with you

Dumbo412 · 18/04/2017 07:33

If I wanted to take my partner to a concert and there was one ticket, I wouldn't buy the one ticket. If we both couldn't go we wouldn't enjoy it half as much knowing the other would be missing out.

MaisyPops · 18/04/2017 07:35

They discussed going together but could only get one ticket.
Obviously, the correct thing is that neither should enjoy it out of principle Hmm

I can understand feeling hurt or left out. But being cross about it seems a bit silly in my opinion. (Just check ive read this rigjt they are couples friends as in his childhood friends and their wives/partners).

We have friends where both enjoy a drink but only one drives and when they got a caf suddenly she's not drink in solidarity with her BF. But then wouls be all martyr about it all night. Just have a glass of wine. You're not driving and are not the same person.

Mysterycat23 · 18/04/2017 07:37

OP you're getting a rough ride here. I understand you feel disappointed not because he went on his own but because he SAID he wasn't going to go on his own, and then did.

That's pretty hurtful!

Is there history in your relationship of him wanting to go out without you and you not letting him? If so then you need to address this. Otherwise, YANBU.

mselastic · 18/04/2017 07:38

I understand you were disappointed as you wanted to go to the concert yourself.

But you don't have to look at the photos of FB

JaneEyre70 · 18/04/2017 07:38

There's no way either my DH or I would have got 1 ticket. We love going to concerts together and if we couldn't both go, then we'd leave it. I can see where you are coming from OP and yes I'd be hurt too. YANBU.

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