To want to find a guy who can't have children

[lifesjoys]

To co parent with me, so I don't have to do it alone??

NC for this, pretty outing!

Okay bear with me guys! Not looking for flaming. Just a new FT Mum who is so very sleep deprived, desperate & on her knees!

I'm literally crying writing this!

My month old baby cries whenever he's not asleep, 15 mins & he's awake crying again.

Ive not got PND, my mental health has improved in that sense, I'm just worn out, run down & feel alone.

I've got family however they've got their own responsibilities, so can only help so much....an hour here or there whilst I go shopping or whatever but nothing drastic.

I'm not with the father, nor does he have anything to do with our child (his choice).

I just didn't plan to be a single parent, I definitely didn't know it would be this hard & to be fair....by the time I knew I would be a single parent, I was already half way into my pregnancy!

I've even started looking at childminders for 1/2 mornings a week!

Sod it, I'm too tired to care.....flame away guys! Maybe I deserve it!

Oh bless you. I can remember sliding down against a wall sobbing at this stage with my DS screaming in his Moses basket and my DH as only away one night! Gather any help you can. It does get better and easier (although that's really no help to you right now). Talk the symptoms through with health visitor and gp. Can u stay with someone for a bit just for some moral support if nothing else

When DS was about 6-8 weeks old I went to the GP as I couldn't cope with the screaming. We knew he had colic and had tried all sorts. The GP suggested we treat DS for CMPI and prescribed nutramigen. Within a few hours he was a different child. Definitely worth mentioning it

I would massively advise getting slient reflux checked out. It's all the symptoms you described CONSTANT crying unless feeding which soothe the burn of the reflux on the throat, only sleeping on you as lying down allows milk to flow from the stomach to the throat, which rarely comes up as sick.

I used infant gaviscon in each bottle and it settled but I went to the gps a couple of times, and be careful to look out for constipation with the gaviscon. You have my sympathies- I nearly lost my mind. X

This sounds so hard!!! What area for you live in? If in Hampshire I would happily come and visit you and give you a hand! Xx

Baby fell asleep at around 19:50, he has stayed asleep since, a little cry around 5 mins after but straight back to sleep!

It's been 1 hour since he's been in bed! 🤞 he wakes for a feed and goes back down!!

I don't want to get my hopes up guys but I actually want to believe the gaviscon is having some sort of effect!

Get yourself to bed as soon as you can, to make the most of it!

Go to bed now op! Take advantage while you can.

I've only skimmed the thread sorry, I just wanted to say that you've done the right thing changing his milk - I waited ages to do it and wish I'd done it sooner. Mine is on Aptimil anti-reflux, and it is an absolute miracle worker. If ever you try using that, just bear in mind that you have to make it differently. But it was an absolute miracle. She went from constant puking to pretty much nothing and was more settled too. Gaviscon never did anything for her to be honest although I know that it does for a lot of babies.

You've had really great advice so I'm not going to repeat that. My first had colic from about 4 weeks until 10 weeks and cried alllllll the time. It's bloody hard but it DOES STOP. There is an end to it. What used to help me is remembering that this too shall pass. Sounds cheesy as hell but I would repeat it in my head when things were hard and they do, all things pass in the end.
One thing that REALLY helps is to get out and WALK WALK WALK. My baby would only sleep when walking outside and that's exactly what I did. I walked somewhere quiet if baby was crying (I live by the beach but parks are handy) and walked fast through the cries until baby fell asleep.
Oh and don't focus all your energy on being a 'great mum.' Being 'good enough' is good enough! Baby won't remember you turning your music up loud after they've been crying for 30 mins to drown it out for a minute and they also won't remember you screaming into your pillow for 10 seconds, which really helps, btw

I'm in North Somerset, I could help! Perhaps just to make cups of tea, be a real life person to chat to, and to hold the baby while you eat a hot meal? DM me if you like.

Gaviscon worked miracles on my DS, I had to buy mine on ebay though as my Doctor was funny about prescribing it but if he didn't have it he would projectile vomit his entire bottle up over everything in a 50 foot range.

Screwinthetuna - LOVE your username!!

We have an issue, the c&g comfort formula is too thick, baby hasn't actually had much food today....haven't actually noticed until I tried to suck the milk through the teat & got jaw ache!

I'm using tommee tippee size 3 teats which are for 6m+! However he still couldn't suck the formula through!

I've had to give him a bottle of his other milk with gaviscon in it, normally he struggles to chug 2oz yet tonight he polished off 4oz!

Please someone help

There's the tommee tippee variflow which have an x/ a cross on the teat and the milk comes out as fast or as slow the baby wants it.

And it's not something I've tried but I know people sometimes made the hole a bit larger with a hot needle.

I think you'll have to try a different milk. We used Aptamil with the Gaviscon.

The brown horrible looking cheap tears are really recommended by HV as they are more flexible - worth a try

Keep him upright for a good half hour to wind - use some gripe after if necessary

Then wrap him up in a swaddle and keep him raised head above stomach - lay him in a cushion on the sofa if you aren't ready for bed - or run a bath and put him in the cot

My little boy sounds a lot like your baby.
Switching him to SMA comfort and buying him a fisher price rock n play sleeper worked miracles in getting him to cry less and sleep for hours.

Really glad to hear that the doctor has helped and gaviscon is helping.

For the too-thick-for-a-teat formula you could try offering a doidy cup which is said to be suitable from birth as drinking from it is the same muscle action as breastfeeding.

You could also snip a bigger hole in a normal teat but be careful as too fast a flow can choke.

Regarding the title of this thread - and I realise you've moved on from that moment of despair - just remember that while you are sleep deprived your brain isn't working very well and you mustn't make any big long term decisions if you can help it. These early months can be hellish but the plus side is that because your sleep deprived brain isn't working very well you aren't forming many long-term memories so in a couple of years you will barely remember what this time was like. You don't need to complicate things looking for a new partner but look for ways to make contact with other single mothers of newborns and see if you can make friends with some who can be mutually supportive with you.

Thiscollie I will DM you, if just trying to work out what my bloody log in details are! for the life of me can't remember any of it!

OP - i don't know why on earth you are surprised that you're desperate!!!! It's fucking hard doing it on your own & you sound like you rarely get a break.

Childminder sounds like a great option!!!! Go for it!

Also - & I say this totally non judgey! - you might find a low pressure job might help. Just give you something for you. Of course your baby is your world, but I know going back to work when my LO was about 16 months gave me back some sanity. I love going to work some days!!!!

Joys please don't think I'm being weird, but actually you are one of life's heroes. Look at what you're coping with- on your own. The first weeks/months are fucking tough. The sleep deprivation, the worry, the sleep deprivation, trying to keep on top of everything, the sleep deprivation, it's all bloody hard. And you're doing it all with a screaming baby and not a huge amount of support.

I've not got any advice I'm afraid, but I want you to know that you're not alone and that you're doing a great job

Thanks

We had massive success for my son's reflux (his was massive amounts of vomiting) with Hipp organic milk. It was thicker and thicker and he stopped vomiting almost instantly. We put the gavison in it but soon didn't need it!

Please excuse my incoherent writing, just woke up

agree with foxache. You - and many other lone parents - are life's heroes.

Amazing.

Ohfour, I'm so sorry! I did start replying last night & then fell asleep!

Thank you so much for your kind words!

I've not had much luck finding a CM & haven't heard back from Home Start so will contact again tomorrow.

Had a really busy day today, finally been discharged from the MW!

Took 23 days but it's actually happened, I don't have to carry my notes everywhere anymore!

Baby hasn't had a great day, he's constipated & had wind. Screamed for an hour solid, wouldn't take any milk.

Safe to say I've had all of 950 calories today, in the form of! A Belgian bun & a pot noodle

My flat looks like a bloody b*mb site! (Not sure we are allowed to use the B word on here).

Baby has had 4oz & been asleep for last 3 hours!

Have my baby brother (he's 9) with me tonight, he asked to stay to help me out with "Teddy Bear" that's his nickname for the baby, he's really trying to get me to agree to have that as his legal name lol!

I would, however I can't risk my son being bullied for it! & he certainly wouldn't thank me for giving him that name.

Nappyrat, I don't feel like a hero

I don't even feel like I'm doing it right!

Life certainly has changed! No more me time unless someone else babysits.

I bought alcohol today, haven't drank in a year....I may stay at my mums and have a drink on the weekend, although now I've a baby, I don't like the idea of being intoxicated! I wasn't the biggest fan before, as I like to know I can drive whenever I want or need.

I know I shouldn't but I'd class it as a necessity, I bought myself a warm pair of pj's (I have storage heaters I don't use as they are too expensive so it gets cold in here) & also a dressing gown.

Text my mum & asked when she's having "Teddy Bear" overnight lol!

We've agreed that when he's older, she'll be having him for 1 weekend every month. I know that sounds a lot but if his father & his fathers family wanted to see him, he'd be away every other weekend & once a month with the DGP's. I'd hardly have him on the weekends, once he'd gone to stay with family.