To want to find a guy who can't have children

[lifesjoys]

To co parent with me, so I don't have to do it alone??

NC for this, pretty outing!

Okay bear with me guys! Not looking for flaming. Just a new FT Mum who is so very sleep deprived, desperate & on her knees!

I'm literally crying writing this!

My month old baby cries whenever he's not asleep, 15 mins & he's awake crying again.

Ive not got PND, my mental health has improved in that sense, I'm just worn out, run down & feel alone.

I've got family however they've got their own responsibilities, so can only help so much....an hour here or there whilst I go shopping or whatever but nothing drastic.

I'm not with the father, nor does he have anything to do with our child (his choice).

I just didn't plan to be a single parent, I definitely didn't know it would be this hard & to be fair....by the time I knew I would be a single parent, I was already half way into my pregnancy!

I've even started looking at childminders for 1/2 mornings a week!

Sod it, I'm too tired to care.....flame away guys! Maybe I deserve it!

Gyms are expensive anyway - I would definitely pay a bit extra if they provided childcare! Amazing!

Next bottle I will be adding in gaviscon.

I will leave him on cow & gate comfort for a few weeks as I've only just changed it & this is already the 4th milk he's been on

I was using colief & dentinox previously, just not sure how long I can keep up with colief as it's £15 a 7ml bottle!

Oh & spoke to my mum & she's said if I have a particularly bad night, she'll come & pick him up after the school run & have him for the day!

You take your mum up on that even if you have to fib a bit about it being a 'particularly' bad night.

Take your mum up on it! I didn't and I really could have done with the help.

DD2 would only sleep on me, I didn't sleep for weeks either. Eventually I was able to co-sleep with her (we still do and she's 5! 🙄). I found that the safest way was to lie her at the top of the bed and me shuffle down a third or so. Then I could have the duvet up round my shoulders and it would come only as far as her legs at the most. It also meant that if I happened to roll - which I'd didn't - then she wouldn't be in a danger zone. She wore a sleeping bag and I hooked a finger into it so if she shuffled to any degree, I would wake. But I was only ever about 60% asleep anyway but by God it made a difference!

Hope the meds help. It's so so hard!

I'm so glad that your little bugger angel played up for the doctor. It make such a difference if they see what you are talking about rather than writing you off as a paranoid new mum.

I hope HomeStart works out for you too. I've always wanted to be a HomeStart volunteer, as I had such a hellish time with my first baby, but there isn't one in our area.

Don't panic if things don't get better straight away. At least you have taken the first steps.

That's a kind offer from your mum - great! I suggest you take her up on it tomorrow

Really glad you've got something positive from the doctor this time. I'm another urging you to take your mum up on her offer sooner rather than later. A few hours of quality sleep-getting into bed rather than napping on a couch- should really help you.

All of mine went to childcare wether I worked or not. God send.

Does the father pay maintenance? I'm guessing not. And you might struggle to afford to keep buying coilef? Think long term and be onto that straightaway.
I'd also take up your mum's help. No-one ever ever offered to have my DC overnight or even for a few hours, and although I wasn't a single parent I went back to work at 4 months simply to get a break. It's hard, but this is the hardest bit.

Glad you were listened to. Any luck with the Gaviscon? My dd needed Gaviscon (thickens the milk to help keep it down) and ranitidine (anti acid) together for the best results. Hope you see an improvement soon.

Haha bugger! That made me laugh out loud, he definitely is a little bugger!

Having to buy faster flowing teats as the milk with the gaviscon is too thick & he's kicking off when feeding.

I emailed homestart so should get a reply tomorrow, will take any help I can get!

My best friend called to ask if I'd like to go to another friends on Saturday for the evening, normally I'd say no however I haven't got a life so getting out will do me good!

She's also offered for me to go to hers whenever I want, she will look after baby whilst I go & sleep in her spare room!

Father doesn't pay anything, I did try to set something up but he point blank refused to give me anything unless it goes through Child Maintenance so am trying to get it sorted ASAP.

Giving baby a bath tonight & will give him a massage with lavender lotion, see if that'll help him relax.

Thank you all so much for your amazing advice!

If I didn't put this thread up, I wouldn't have thought to go to the doctors to seek help.

I'm seeing the MW tomorrow as I haven't been discharged yet due to issues (post birth) so will discuss more with her.

I will contact the health visitor tomorrow.

I'm still looking for a CM, seems they are either fully booked or not many around!

Selfishly?? I wish the father or even his family were involved, at least I could seek extra help from them.

Wow you are definitely on the case and sounding more positive already

Your best friend sounds brilliant, hope you can take her up on the offer soon!

I don't think it's selfish to wish the father was involved, it's appalling that men can and do just walk away. I guess maybe one small consolation for the future is that it's probably better for the baby not to have a shitty father in his life. Anyway I'm glad you're pursuing the child maintenance.

Let us know how you get on with Home Start - fingers crossed they will have a volunteer available!

Oh good question!!

Let's see - there's death of a partner
Or maybe a relationship breakdown, maybe the boyfriend got cold feet?
Or the family interfered?
Maybe they were young and made a mistake?
Maybe the father was married and didn't mention it
Holiday romance?

do you really thing young woman just decide to be a single parent??

Takes two - why not ask the boys?

user ODFOD. Reported.

Wow OP, sounds like you've made lots of steps forward already! Really hope the gaviscon helps him be a happier baby. And that some of the help materialises so you can get some zzzzzs.

Aw OP I totally feel for you! If you find after a few days the gavison doesn't work, go back to the GP. They can give you Ranitadine/something else. Ranitadine worked a treat for my DD but Gaviscon was a bit pants.

You're doing an amazing job though. I, too, am a lone parent. My DD will be 1 on Monday sob and I haven't heard from her 'dad' since I was 12 weeks pregnant.

I've had many sleepless nights where I was crying in bed searching social services number because I wanted someone, anyone to take her so I could have more than 20 mins sleep. I can laugh about it now but trust me, I very nearly did it.

I promise you it gets better. But you do need some time away from him, that's completely natural. You need to recharge your battery in order to be 100% for your son. Take any help you can!

Don't be alarmed by the Gaviscon paste-like poo by the way. It's normal but quite a shock!!

My dd had colic. The comfort milk will take a week to flush the lactose from his system. Stick with it. I used colief which does the same. Honestly, you need to give it at least a week. With the Cosleeping, to start with I used a sleepyhead mattress. Put baby in there then lay with my head on it and my arms over dd. Now she is bigger, I use a pillow. I put the pillow long ways onto the bed and dd on it. I only cosleep from 5am though when she gets restless. The sleepyhead is amazing and she sleeps in that much better. I just put it in her crib. With dd1, my colicky baby, I hatched two brilliant plans when she was at her worst. 1. I was going to throw myself down the stairs to break my legs. That way I would have to stay in hospital and they let you sleep in hospital. I then got scared I'd accidentally kill myself and felt guilty about leaving dd motherless. My second plan was to ask my mum to adopt her for a few months until I sorted myself out and learned how to be a better mum. My mum, bless her, gently told me I didn't really want that and tried to help a bit more. I wasn't even on my own, but the days were lomg with dh at work. Get the childminder if you can. You need a break. PM me if you ever want to.trade colic war stories. It will get better, I promise. You are doing a great job.

I'm intrigued to know what user asked, I'm going to take a wild guess & say "why have a baby if you cant cope?"

Am I close??

Okay so I had to laugh! I'm so so sorry "break legs", I haven't actually thought of that!

I did however tell my mum to take him & raise him instead & id just be his "sister" or throw myself off a bridge.

You haven't heard from the father since 12 weeks?? Honestly I don't understand how they work! I wish I did! Imagine if women were just as heartless, millions more kids would be in care!

He's just had a bath, fed & about to nappy change as he's decided to go again & he's sleepy! So fingers crossed.

You never know, the way you have relaxed since asking for help may transfer to him, and he may be a bit more settled tonight.

@lifesjoys so sorry you're going through this. FWIW my DD was like this. Cry cry cry!!! Nothing helped apart from me holding her and I thought I would go insane. If I could have afforded a childminder I definitely would as even just a few hours of extra sleep would have made all the difference.

Hang in there. DD got much better around 5-6 months and then turned into this amazing sleeper who took a three hour nap every afternoon. It was bliss!

I felt spaced out, not me, and basically shell shocked for 2-3 months after birth. It wasn't like I expected and I felt like I wanted to turn back time. But it does get better and then you start to get yourself back bit by bit.

I PROMISE it gets easier

Like everyone has said it gets better, the first few months are awful I dont know how people do it multiple times!
Co-sleeping cot helped me, as I couldn't relax with her in the bed.
And it is all worth it when you have a cheeky toddler running about