To want to find a guy who can't have children

[lifesjoys]

To co parent with me, so I don't have to do it alone??

NC for this, pretty outing!

Okay bear with me guys! Not looking for flaming. Just a new FT Mum who is so very sleep deprived, desperate & on her knees!

I'm literally crying writing this!

My month old baby cries whenever he's not asleep, 15 mins & he's awake crying again.

Ive not got PND, my mental health has improved in that sense, I'm just worn out, run down & feel alone.

I've got family however they've got their own responsibilities, so can only help so much....an hour here or there whilst I go shopping or whatever but nothing drastic.

I'm not with the father, nor does he have anything to do with our child (his choice).

I just didn't plan to be a single parent, I definitely didn't know it would be this hard & to be fair....by the time I knew I would be a single parent, I was already half way into my pregnancy!

I've even started looking at childminders for 1/2 mornings a week!

Sod it, I'm too tired to care.....flame away guys! Maybe I deserve it!

Thank you for all the support & amazing advice!

I will ring my doctors now & get him seen
I will keep him on his new milk for minimum of 2 weeks
I've bought infacol & dentinox

I will DEFINITELY check out home start

I've also been looking into a night nanny, not many around me though :(

Childminders are scarce too!
It's a shame I've no CM friends!

Some people moan about MIL's being too involved, sounds pathetic but I'd do anything for a pushy MIL who wants to take my baby every time she saw him! I'd selfishly take advantage!

I will also call the HV today too, see what she suggests.

Have had next to no sleep last night, baby has literally JUST fallen asleep on me, he wouldn't settle last night at all.

Night nannies will often travel. Is there a local mum's Facebook group for your area? Perhaps ask for a recommendation for a nanny agency and try there. Or look for nanny agencies in the nearest big town and give them a call to see who they have on their books. I really think if you could get one decent night's sleep a week it would make a world of difference.

Also worth calling the local nurseries they will sometimes take babies from 6 weeks and quite often the staff there will do extra hours on their days off.

Can you ask your mum/sister/aunt/friend to come over one day this week? Even if they can't come for a few days at least you'll know a break is coming.

I've also heard good things about sitters.co.uk, might be worth a look for some daytime respite?

OP - stop beating yourself up - you're doing great. A month old baby whilst on your own must be awfully tiring. I struggled and I had DH around each weekend (he was working away during week when my DS was that age).
Glad you've booked him to see your gp, hopefully that will help. You must always try and take the easiest route possible for everything else. Don't worry about ironing and housework. Housework can wait, tumble dry everything (if you have one), saves having to iron anything if you fold when it's still warm. But ready meals are f you want, saves cooking, internet shop if you want, although I still went out for shipping to force me out the house! Try and go for a short walk each day - you'll be amazed how much better you'll feel with fresh air.
I know it's not recommended but I slept with baby on my chest a lot - it's the only way he'd sleep and I needed sleep so bad, I just went with it.
As for the childminder - if you want one - do it!! Even if you pop them in for s few hours then go home and sleep.
No one should judge a new mum, it can be a truly awful and wonderful time all mixed up. What I will say - it does he better! My DS is now 10 weeks and sleeping much better than he used to.
Good luck OP. X

lifesjoys what general area do you live in? Maybe someone here could recommend a childminder or a night nanny.

You poor thing. I really feel for you. I've no advice other than to say it will definitely get better... eventually.

South West

I live in the south west, in North Somerset.

I have referred to Home start so hopefully will hear back soon.

I've looked into a night nanny but they are well out my price range.

OP no flaming needed you sound exhausted and tbh in need of a childminder. And yanbu to hope for a partner to help you. I have no advice other than to say that & I hope you get some sleep soon!!!

Bless you, its so hard early on. Be kind to yourself, a childminder could be a god send xxx

You say you have family - why not issue a plea for someone to take the baby for along walk later?

Give you some rest?

Can anyone stay over for a night?

Have you asked?? So many people probably don't want to tread on your toes and think you are coping

It's ok to admit you're tired

It is so so hard with a newborn. I had a horrendous time and I had a DH who was very supportive!

It does get better honestly.

I'm another who had DC with allergies that the GP dismissed. Turned out I was right.

With your brother being CMPA it is a definite possibility.

It sounds cruel but I've been quite vocal about family having time with my son without me, they think I'm joking and tell me il miss him!

I care about him, of course I want to know he's safe and won't just give him to anyone but I don't see why I HAVE to be with him 24/7 just because he's a newborn.

I'm at the doctors now, waiting to be seen & baby "joy" has decided he wants to have a break from all the crying he's been doing!

Good luck with the doctor. Hope they take you seriously. Don't be afraid to get assertive if necessary!

If the doctor has difficulty believing you about the crying, why not use your phone to record or better still, video record it? It's really annoying how travel calms them down when you want the opposite! Hopefully you'll get some helpful support and advice today.

Op no flaming from me either, I know how utterly exhausting it is I understand how you are feeling, and a childminder or someone who can assist you sounds like a great idea. Hang in there it does pass even though you feel like you won't make it.

Oh you poor thing. Get as much help as you can possibly afford.

My baby didn't let me down!

He screamed the whole time we were in there, pretty much jumped straight to the point told her very firmly but politely that he's screaming ALL the time, he's not happy led down & that he chucks up some of his milk after a feed and then screams for more milk.

She was pretty good, said it sounds like reflux, made me a prescription & said if it doesn't make a difference to go in and see her again!

A lot easier than I expected!

Gaviscon made a massive difference for my son, but I think it only works for milder cases of reflux so don't be afraid to try something else. Also, DS much preferred Hipp to Aptamil. Last but not least, he only slept on me as I expect my boobs raised his head and helped elevate him!

So glad you've got a result OP. My DS had reflux, and needed gaviscon and ranitidine. We also used colief, and switched to aptimil reflux milk. Just to warn you if he was prescribed gaviscon it thickens up milk, and reflux milk is quite thick already, so we had to go up a teat size. He was so much better, it's just finding what works for your DS. Defiantly take advantage of baby sleeping on your chest, and take naps yourself. If you really need to get stuff done (shopping, cleaning, etc), then a sling will be a life saver for you. Not suggesting you do this as it's not in the advice due to SIDS, but having my DS sleep on his side (propped, so couldn't roll) with his mattress slightly raised also helped.
Well done mummy, you're doing a great job. Its hard work

Also, wanted to say MN was the main reason I knew to insist on some treatment as my GP hates medication for young children and BF mothers.

Also, tell your family bluntly- 'I'm exhausted, I won't get chance to miss him as I'll be catching up on sleep and you're being completely unhelpful'.

Used also too many times!

If i could go back in time, i would have put my 2 in daycare at least one day a week. I was a sahm to 2 under 3 and it nearly killed me and they were both easy babies/toddlers. The sheer relentlessness of it all broke me, but because i was a sahm, i didn't think i could put them in day care. i thought it was my job to look after them all day every day with no break, and on top of a bad night s sleep. Sheer madness. Give yourself a break!!!

I'm really glad the GP was helpful and that you've contacted Home Start

I think you need to spell it out to your family rather than making hints. Say "I'm really struggling with sleep deprivation and exhaustion, and I would be so grateful if you could please look after DS for a few hours so I can get some sleep."

torches Totally hear you. I am looking for a new job because I need a break and I'm not getting it in my current role. Being a SAHM to young children is hard. If your DH can't give you a break a half day or whole day in nursery is needed for your own well being.

I'm living here in the US and so many SAHPs send their kids for half days and are members of gyms with childcare that they go to in the afternoon. It's $100 a month for the luxury gym with 8-6 childcare. II've wanted to join for the past 5 years but DH is Mr 'but it's $1200 a year' without understanding just how valuable that care is.