This is going to be long and probably ranty- apologies in advance, I just need to vent.
Back story- DH and I have been together 5 years. Got married last summer, all is good and we're happy. We met when he got transferred to another office within his firm, originally he is from a city/ county roughly 2-2.5 hours drive away (traffic dependant)
I've always struggled a little with my inlaws as they are a really, really close family and I sometimes find them a bit intense and oppressive. I'm a bit of an introvert and have to really be at ease with someone and really enjoy their company in order to enjoy being around them for long periods of time. This, unfortunately doesn't extend to my inlaws. It took me 3 years to actually admit this to DH and, naturally, although he saw my POV, he didn't really share it as he enjoys being close to them and spending lots of time with them. That's fair enough and I have always encouraged DH to make regular (every 5-6 weeks) visits back to his home town to visit his friends and family. 50% of the time I go back with him, but the other times just leave him to go alone and catch up with everyone without me there.
I get on with his parents really well on the whole and they have mostly been friendly, welcoming and pleasant. His mum unfortunately does have a 'side' to her which he has told me to watch out for. There have been a few barbed/ nasty comments over the years that I have just ignored and let go as I can't be bothered with a fuss. He has heard some of these comments though and as a result has stopped speaking to his mum for a few days until he calms down etc, then all is forgiven, fine.
DH has one other brother (who now lives overseas for work, who is absolutely lovely) and a sister. I have honestly tried so hard with her over the last 5 years, I've taken an avid interest in her life, invited her out to lunch/ dinner/ out for drinks to try and get to know her one on one, all of these invitations have been rejected. When I see her she just will not speak to me, doesn't acknowledge me, won't be in a room alone with me etc etc. She's rude, self obsessed and in 5 years has honestly never enquired into me or my life. She didn't attend my hen weekend (fine, I get she may not have wanted to come but her excuse was...well lame at best and she just couldn't be arsed to hide it) She cried at our wedding and threw a strop (not happy tears) She constantly demands things of DH even though she has a husband who can do things for her and mind lives 2 hours away! Unfortunately my DH and her are very close and he (and my PIL) think the sun shines out of her backside, despite all of the above. He admits that she's off with me etc but says he doesn't understand why as she's never slagged me off to him and if she didn't like me, she'd have mentioned something to him. Therefore, as far as he's concerned, it's case closed and that's that.
Now this is my problem..... Both MIL, FIL, SIL, her husband and her 2 young children seem to be constantly coming to visit and staying for days on end.
We hosted Christmas at ours this year for the first time ever and all 6 of them came to stay...for 4 days. His sister literally didn't even manage a hello throughout the whole 4 days, let alone anything else and yet I ran around like a blue arsed fly trying to accommodate her and her family's many demands.
Last month they came to stay for a weekend and yet again the same thing, except both MIL and SIL were rude over the weekend and I was fuming when they left.
Fast forward to today and they've literally all just left after spending Easter here and their departure honestly couldn't come quick enough. I am exhausted from hosting and putting up with SIL's rude, shitty behaviour towards me yet again. It had actually pained me to be polite to her this time. She expects all the attention to be on her and her 2 DC at all times and my god, if it isn't she's not happy. My DH must constantly fawn over his niece and nephew and basically act like a second father to them at all times, otherwise he gets short, sharp stares from SIL and a lecture from MIL about how he doesn't get to see them that often as 'he's chosen to move away' and 'he's missing out on their lives' Errr, he sees them about 10 x a year and is constantly kept in the loop re them by SIL, who insists on phoning him every 2 days for a half hour chat and update on them!!
DH has just come in and said that they have ALREADY suggested their next trip up......5 days in July. I'm afraid I have just lost it and said I just can't cope with them visiting again in July. His response was 'Well what am I going to tell them, it's going to be awkward to say you don't want them up here'
AIBU to not fucking care what he says to them, just to tell them NO?!
AIBU to, at this point in time wish I'd married someone who wasn't so pussy whipped by his mum and sister and wish that he actually didn't want them to visit all the time?!
Admittedly, this year seems to be more visits than normal, but how many visits is 'normal' How often do your IL's all come to stay? How can you say no to it without looking like a C U Next Tuesday?! And what is their obsession with wanting to visit all the time? And what is their obsession with my husband being a father figure to his niece and nephew? When they already have a perfectly nice father? Is that normal?
I just feel so fed up.