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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to drive this far?

190 replies

Frickles · 17/04/2017 13:20

MIL lives over 200 miles from us and it usually takes 6+ hours to get there when we visit once you factor in traffic, breaks for the DC (and us). We generally go there maybe once a year and the rest of the time she comes to us on the train (she doesn't drive) which is about a 3 hour trip.

She is turning 70 this summer and wants to have a big party, she's booked the date and wants us to go. Fine, except it's the Saturday before we go on our family holiday which was booked in December, long before we knew about the party. We leave for our holiday on the Tuesday after the party and are driving to a site in France over 2 days, it'll be a good 10 hour journey all in.

DC are 9 and 7 and not great car travellers, between car sickness, bickering, boredom etc it's not much fun but as an occasional thing we can all muddle through. However if we all go to MILs party we will end up sitting in the car for around 24 hours in 6 days which I think is too much. I'd be ok for us to take the train up and use public transport to get around as needed as the train is easier to manage (though it's quite pricey) but DH is insistent that he wants to drive and if I don't want to I can stay home 'to prepare for the holiday' Hmm

So AIBU, would you do all that driving?

OP posts:
PrimalChic · 17/04/2017 19:36

You should cancel the cheque. Grin

Train sounds like a wonderful idea, worth the money for happy (quiet kids) and therefore happy you!

When driving, do you use Waze? It has saved us at the last minute from hours of delays before as it's so quick to update. Really recommend it for the next time you drive up.

Original poster
Frickles · 17/04/2017 19:37

I do appreciate those defending me but honestly don't bother, if some people want to work themselves into a huff about me based on things they imagine I've said it that someone else said I said, that's their business Grin

RSH only seem to have tickets 3 months in advance so will sign up for Virgin alerts.

OP posts:
SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 17/04/2017 19:42

I used to frequently drive the m1 on a Saturday, 200 miles door to door. I used to leave before 7am and I'd be there around 10am. Love the M1 on a Saturday morning.

The return trip, however....

Branleuse · 17/04/2017 19:44

i think you should go to the party. Surely you realised it would be her 70th

C8H10N4O2 · 17/04/2017 19:48

I think you would be very mean. It to go to her 70th. She won't be around forever and your dh may resent you

Or you could read the OPs actual posts before piling in. Not as exciting as righteous outrage but more useful

I've learned something from this thread - apparently if I can do near 200 miles to my mother in < 3hrs (at night and all but a few country miles on motorway) then everyone should. Those of you thoughtless enough not to live by a motorway junction or down at the arse end of Cornwall are just not trying hard enough!

Rosieposy4 · 17/04/2017 21:42

To be fair to us posters banging on about the times the OP did originally say the whole of the M1 as well as giving the distance of 240 miles. The leeds to london run is indeed very different to the london newcastle run, and if that had been on the cards to start with then i would have also said take the train 😇😇
As an aside if you are training it then try faresplitting. Don't know if it works on all journeys but it can make a massive difference ro the cost. Google it, there are several sites.

NabobsFromNobHill · 17/04/2017 21:57

Last year we flew Ryanair and it cost just under £1000

For four people to France? No idea how you managed that.

chocolatesavedmysanity · 17/04/2017 22:06

Oh I think yabu
It will be a long journey for sure but it's his mum and she will want to celebrate this milestone birthday with those she loves most.
You may regret it if you don't go
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Purplepicnic · 17/04/2017 22:06

OP, has your DH explained why he wants to drive? It seems odd when the train seems the logical choice, based on time taken, let alone the holiday thing.

YANBU to want to take the train.

PollyPerky · 17/04/2017 22:39

Did the Op actually say it was Leeds or Newcastle- or is this a case of posters inventing things? I have RTFT but can't see her saying she was going to either city.

Tinkerbec · 17/04/2017 23:03

Cancel the cheque

Let him go

The only thing that would concern me would be the cost. I often travelled from North to South at weekends especially I found it hard for the train to be cost effective. I could never find a family ticket for less than £250 but could drive for £80.

If money isn't an issue then there's no problem.

tigerdriverII · 18/04/2017 01:28

Things I have learned from this thread:

1 - we all view distance and travelling time differently

2 - a 70 year old is considered elderly

Lostthefairytale · 18/04/2017 02:53

I've travelled Newcastle to north London (and back) more times than I can count. 6 hours is an unusually slow run, we've always thought of it as a 5 hour trip. In your circumstances though the train is a much better option for a quick weekend trip.

ItsThisOneThing · 18/04/2017 03:10

I love a wee long distance train journey, it's so relaxing 😎 Get some wine, nibbles & magazines and make it the start of your hols! Definitely the answer, go for it

lazydog · 18/04/2017 03:32

I'd drive, unless the train didn't work out much more expensive, but I'm coming from the point of view of having a family who are all used to ridiculously long car journeys as we often do the return trip to our nearest city (3.5hrs each way) in one day.

If my kids really struggled with car journeys, sickness wise (as opposed to having only boredom to contend with!) I'd definitely favour the train option.

SuperBeagle · 18/04/2017 03:41

200 miles does not take 6 hours. It's 320km. That's 3.5 hours max.

tribpot · 18/04/2017 07:25

PollyPerky OP said "London area to Newcastle area".

PollyPerky · 18/04/2017 07:35

Super she said it's 273 miles. Also you aren't allowing for time taken to join a motorway and come off it . You are assuming the car can travel at 70mph at least for the entire trip. And you are also not allowing for road works where there are 50mph limits.

tribpot · 18/04/2017 07:49

There have been very, very long 50mph zones on the M1 over the last 3 or 4 years whilst they put in the smart motorway. (I've already said this but I hereby mention it again!)

Iamastonished · 18/04/2017 07:51

In fairness to the OP I wouldn't want to drive from London to Newcastle either. We drove back from Northumberland to South Yorkshire yesterday and it took us three and a half hours to drive the 145 miles because the traffic was awful. We ended up having to stop at Wetherby services for the loo because the journey took far longer than we expected.

I think people often underestimate how congested our roads are these days.

OP, I would suggest getting a family railcard and going on the train on this occasion.

"200 miles does not take 6 hours. It's 320km. That's 3.5 hours max."

SuperBeagle I take it that you never drive at busy times/get stuck behind an accident/get caught in roadworks? In theory it should take 3.5 hours, but rarely does on our overcrowded roads.

Chloe84 · 18/04/2017 07:52

tribhot you are right

SuperBeagle · 18/04/2017 07:52

I take it that you never drive at busy times/get stuck behind an accident/get caught in roadworks? In theory it should take 3.5 hours, but rarely does on our overcrowded roads.

I live in Australia. Driving for hours is nothing to me. It takes 12 hours to get from one city to the next at a conservative estimate.

robinia · 18/04/2017 07:56

If it's London - Newcastle then it can take anything between about 4 hours and 9 hours.
But I would do it for a one-off party. It's not that much driving especially when shared with dh. I've done there and back, solo, in one day a few times too.

Crumbs1 · 18/04/2017 07:58

I think you should go - granny will want her family there and that includes grandchildren. The holiday is irrelevant- if they are good enough travellers to,drive across France for 10 hours then you can hardly argue they can't manage the shorter journey just because you want a holiday/don't want granny's birthday party. At 9 and 7 they should be able to behave on a long journey if it's planned properly and part of the fun. 200 miles isn't that awful and you'd be unlucky for it to take 6 hours. Can you break the journey with a stopover in a travelodge and nice activities? Train sounds like a good idea too.

Iamastonished · 18/04/2017 08:07

"I live in Australia. Driving for hours is nothing to me."

That explains it. Your roads are nothing like as congested as ours. We were sat in stop start traffic for ages on the A1 yesterday. How often does this happens on major roads between towns in Australia?

It took us 9 hours to drive the 339 miles to Cornwall one year - a journey that should take 6 hours, because of the huge volume of traffic and accidents on the M5. It even took us an hour to get out of the Michaelwood services car park to get back on to the car park that was the M5. You really have no idea how bad it can be in our overcrowded country.