To not want to drive this far?

[Frickles]

MIL lives over 200 miles from us and it usually takes 6+ hours to get there when we visit once you factor in traffic, breaks for the DC (and us). We generally go there maybe once a year and the rest of the time she comes to us on the train (she doesn't drive) which is about a 3 hour trip.

She is turning 70 this summer and wants to have a big party, she's booked the date and wants us to go. Fine, except it's the Saturday before we go on our family holiday which was booked in December, long before we knew about the party. We leave for our holiday on the Tuesday after the party and are driving to a site in France over 2 days, it'll be a good 10 hour journey all in.

DC are 9 and 7 and not great car travellers, between car sickness, bickering, boredom etc it's not much fun but as an occasional thing we can all muddle through. However if we all go to MILs party we will end up sitting in the car for around 24 hours in 6 days which I think is too much. I'd be ok for us to take the train up and use public transport to get around as needed as the train is easier to manage (though it's quite pricey) but DH is insistent that he wants to drive and if I don't want to I can stay home 'to prepare for the holiday'

So AIBU, would you do all that driving?

Like others we often drive in the evening or early morning too, when the kids were little they would doze through an hour or two of the journey.

You only go once a year, and it's for a party for her 70th? Yes, of course you would be unreasonable not to go.

It's up the M1 the whole way, believe me we have never managed to do it without hitting major roadworks or traffic at some point - we only stop once or twice for toilet / leg stretching, max half an hour. neither of us is a slow driver! Google maps says 240 miles and 4.5 hours so add in traffic etc 5-6 hours is more likely.

Annie, it's hardly their fault if they feel travel sick..

Happystory, as I said if it's an occasional long journey we can muddle through but the prospect of 4 days out of 6 being spent having long journeys seems too much. I'd prefer to fly but finances don't stretch that far and IME holidayung in the uk is costly and weather unreliable.

It's a big birthday and your children are not babies. 200 miles with 1 half hour break should take 4 1/2 hours. There's no way I wouldn't go and I'm not that close to my MIL, but she's my children's grandmother and special occasions call for a special effort.

If your children are that bad at travelling, why are you driving to France? Use it as a practise run.

I think that you would be being quite mean not to go. My MIL is 180 miles away and we have visited several times this year (4 or 5). I am surprised that it takes you 6 hours, you must have a lot of stops!!!! Yes that is 24 hours but spread over 6 days. Family is precious (despite it not always being easy!). It would be unkind not to celebrate with her. Particularly a significant birthday. You will be able to rest and unwind on your holiday and you have plenty of time ahead to mentally prepare. FWIW, we have a toddler and tween and manage the long drive. I do think that not to all go together would BU for such a special occasion.

It's fairly close to her birthday though she could equally have gone for previous weekend. She's not really a great one for big festivities so I don't think we could've predicted this party.

On the past for that M1 journey we leave after work one evening and then motel. Up early and get the rest done the next morning. No faffing about for breakfast, biscuit (keep stomach contents stable) and travel tablets shoved into kids, kids in car in PJ's, drink and brioche passed to them once they're more awake. Adults grab coffee and sandwich when everyone is ready to stop.

Huldra totally our kinda plan. Though we more often set off after tea and rush hour and plough on until we arrive. Late and tired, all to bed and ready to enjoy the wknd ahead.

We've stopped overnight before as suggested but I think it'd work out cheaper to go by train! Even in budget hotels.

She's not really a great one for big festivities so I don't think we could've predicted this party

Fair enough, but given that she (or someone else) has opted for a party and close to her birthday suggests all the more that this is fairly high ranking. Sorry, I think you have to go (I know you're not suggesting otherwise) and if your DH absolutely won't countenance the train (I'm kinda with him on that...RUINOUSLY expensive and inconvenient) then just grin and bear it. Use it to claim brownie pints!

Why don't you fly? Often flights can be cheaper than trains. It would be fun for the kids and drastically shorten the travel time. You could also hire a car at the airport if you are worried about not having transport when you are there.

I think Frickles that you need to take a positive attitude to this and sell it (mainly to yourself!) to kids and DH as a special adventure to celebrate Grandma's birthday. With a plan of action it will be fine.

6 hours to drive 200 miles is ridiculous, unless you're on single track roads with passing places the whole way. Unlikely. You're averaging 33mph.

Yes you'd be unreasonable not to go for a very special occasion. Either get the train, or plan your drive so you're avoiding the worst of the traffic, or realise that you just don't need to stop every 20 minutes.

Could you set off late at night to avoid traffic?

Or even brownie POINTS

If the kids are honestly that bad in the car why on earth have you booked a holiday which involves so much driving?!

So we're talking North London to Leeds-ish? Much more pleasant to get the train (and quite reasonable ticket prices if you book early). It shouldn't take 6 hours, although there have been some very, very long 50 mph zones whilst the smart motorway is being implemented.

I say you should find a way to make it work, and go. There are many, many reasons. Yes I admit my position on this is coloured by the fact that my own, otherwise healthy, mother died of a heart attack at age 70. No more big birthdays for her!

Your MIL doesn't normally hold parties, you say, so perhaps she is becoming aware of the passage of time, and wants to have her family around her while she can enjoy it. A friend's father was already descending into dementia at that age.

And you have your holiday afterwards, to destress into (lucky it wasn't the other way round, ie holiday first).

PS. Do your children take travel sickness medication? They need to learn how to behave though, and take an interest in the journey.

I feel sorry for your MIL tbh. Why isn't your DH organising her party ?! It's her 70th! Of course she wants the family there. It would be so awful to miss out because you're going away on the following Tuesday !
If you really can't bear to go then pack DH off with a smile but otherwise I think you need to book the train and put a smile on your face for it.

I think you and the DCs should go by train- book now to get cheap seats or use a family railcard. DH can drive.

I fully understand how it can take you that time.

We used to drive that distance to relatives and could often have 3 stops which does increase the time.

Or, depending on how you feel about MIL tell her you have too much to do and will stay at home.

TBH I've never made anything of landmark birthdays. As my next one would be 70 (some time off yet!) I'd not dream of asking family to come if they had other plans the following day (more or less). It's all a bit me, me, me. IMO.

It sounds to me as though you're looking for excuses not to go.

Funny how all the sympathy here is with the MIL. No one seems to regard her as being a bit selfish to expect everyone to make a huge effort for her day.

I think my own parents would say don't worry, we can do something another time as a family, you stay put and get ready for your hols without putting the DCs through 2 long journeys in a week. It's only a birthday FGS!

I feel your pain as my two have never been ones to sleep in the car (except 10 mins before destination!) no matter if it's a dawn run to the airport or an evening trip to the west Country. Always ends with grumpy overtired mummy kids and catches up with us over the trip.

But. It's her 70th. You have no choice I'm afraid. My dad's big birthday was last year and fell right on the first weekend of school being back - ds's first year. It also wasn't a very child friendly party and I went alone in the end. Pretty frowned upon by other family and I regret us not all attending. I think we were scarred by a memorable trip to see him when dd was a newborn and it took 10hours in 30 degree heat...it should only take 5 hours but she HATED the carseat! Makes me shudder just thinking about it.

Tablet holders on seat backs and films? Good luck.

I have done the entire length of the M1 many times and it is not a six hour journey unless you are very unlucky. Leave early am, or after 7pm if you are coming from London and it will be under 3.5 hours.
Agree with pp that your DH should be organising MILs party and if he had done so you could have booked the other weekend. He hasn't done that so I am afarid you all need to suck it up.

It takes me 6 1/2 hrs to do 360 miles on a good run.