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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to drive this far?

190 replies

Frickles · 17/04/2017 13:20

MIL lives over 200 miles from us and it usually takes 6+ hours to get there when we visit once you factor in traffic, breaks for the DC (and us). We generally go there maybe once a year and the rest of the time she comes to us on the train (she doesn't drive) which is about a 3 hour trip.

She is turning 70 this summer and wants to have a big party, she's booked the date and wants us to go. Fine, except it's the Saturday before we go on our family holiday which was booked in December, long before we knew about the party. We leave for our holiday on the Tuesday after the party and are driving to a site in France over 2 days, it'll be a good 10 hour journey all in.

DC are 9 and 7 and not great car travellers, between car sickness, bickering, boredom etc it's not much fun but as an occasional thing we can all muddle through. However if we all go to MILs party we will end up sitting in the car for around 24 hours in 6 days which I think is too much. I'd be ok for us to take the train up and use public transport to get around as needed as the train is easier to manage (though it's quite pricey) but DH is insistent that he wants to drive and if I don't want to I can stay home 'to prepare for the holiday' Hmm

So AIBU, would you do all that driving?

OP posts:
RebelSoldier · 17/04/2017 14:47

Get train family pass with kids - it will be loads cheaper on the train then.

NannyR · 17/04/2017 14:48

I've done London to Leeds several times, it can take ages if you drive in the middle of the day on a weekend, but if you leave 7.30/8pm on Fri eve, you'll get there by midnight, then you can sleep in the next day or have an early night Friday and leave 5am Sat and be there by ten.

VictoriaPollardMD · 17/04/2017 14:48

If it's important to her you all attend would there be any harm in asking MIL to move her party date? After all, she doesn't have to think about school holidays and the logistics of travelling in a group.

Edballsisoneniftydancer · 17/04/2017 14:49

No one seems to regard her as being a bit selfish to expect everyone to make a huge effort for her day

Oh this is sad. And it doesn't seem to me to be where the OP is coming from at all. And given that they only usually go there once a year, this extra time doesn't seem to be too much of an ask, but I could be wrong.

NabobsFromNobHill · 17/04/2017 14:49

Your travel plans seem arseways all over the place. Get the train to MIL's if it takes less than half the time. Fly to France, you can easily get Ryanair or similar for less than the price of petrol/tolls/extra night accomodation etc.

Are you addicted to your car?

Chloe84 · 17/04/2017 14:49

So DH decides you're not going by train, decides the children have to go...

I'd be tempted to wave him off with the children.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 17/04/2017 14:49

Frickles. Car sickness does not cause 'bickering, boredom and 'hate sitting in the car'' which is what your posts seemed to emphasise. That is the behaviour I was referring to, not car sickness.

If they genuinely get car sickness (which I do in the back of a car) then I highly recommend they do not read or use tablets, phones or anything else, but look out the front window instead, you can all listen to the radio or a CD series of interest to you all or use head phones.

I can also highly recommend Boots Travel Calm, it's suitable for children and it's great.

derxa · 17/04/2017 14:50

I don't know why you're driving to France if your children aren't good travellers. It would be my idea of hell.

NabobsFromNobHill · 17/04/2017 14:50

No one seems to regard her as being a bit selfish to expect everyone to make a huge effort for her day

She's 70 years old and hopes that her son and his family will come to her party. If you think she is selfish then there is something wrong with you.

Floralnomad · 17/04/2017 14:51

Just go , it's a bit rich to say it's too long for the children to be in the car and that they are not good travellers when you've booked a holiday that you are choosing to drive 10 hrs to get to , you only get one 70th birthday .

Original poster
Frickles · 17/04/2017 14:52

Just to clarify I was asking if IWBU not to want to drive. I never said we wouldn't go at all.

It's n London area to Newcastle area - wouldn't bat an eyelid at Leeds, that's the midlands according to DH ;)

Mil isn't my best mate, hands up, but I'm happy to go to her party! I just wish it wasn't so far

OP posts:
Papafran · 17/04/2017 14:52

Firstly, if your kids get so car-sick, it's a seriously bad idea to book a holiday a 10 hour drive away. So clearly that is not the huge issue that you are making it out to be or you wouldn't have booked it.

Secondly, the M1 isn't THAT bad.

Thirdly, how would you feel if in 30 years time or so, it was your 70th birthday and your own children didn't turn up because their partners didn't fancy the drive? Even if you were the one who usually made the effort to go to theirs and this was a one-off special occasion to mark a milestone birthday.

Edballsisoneniftydancer · 17/04/2017 14:52

Floralnomad I agree with every word you say...except I hope that MiL get's an 80th birthday somewhere along the line (even better!) Grin

Palomb · 17/04/2017 14:54

Interesting that you can all manage the drive for a holiday but can't for your elderly mother in law.

Says quite a lot about how you feel about your family really.

derxa · 17/04/2017 14:54

Go on the A1 not the M1

Darbs76 · 17/04/2017 14:54

My parents live 240 miles away so I understand. I'd make the exception for a 70th birthday party. Not ideal but it would be rude not to go

pasturesgreen · 17/04/2017 14:54

It's her 70th, party is on Saturday, you leave for your holiday on the Tuesaday, so not even the following day. It's a no brainer for me, just go! It's for a special occasion, not as tough you have to do it once a month.

Edballsisoneniftydancer · 17/04/2017 14:54

Look I really must stick up for the OP here: at NO point has she suggested not going...that was her DH.

I think there may be the eeeeeensiest bit of projection going on!!

Chloe84 · 17/04/2017 14:55

24 hours driving in 6 days is alot though. OP knows her children best and worries they won't cope all that well. That's just being a good parent.

AnathemaPulsifer · 17/04/2017 14:55

YABU to book a holiday with that much driving if driving is such an issue. Or, basically, word for word everything Papafran said.

AaoograhaHoa · 17/04/2017 14:57

We regularly do 200 miles to visit PIL, also motorway most of theach way. I'm an early bird though so shove DP and DS in the car at 5.30am and we normally arrive 3 and a half hrs later including quick brekkie stop (I kid you not).

6hrs is ludicrous!!

Take the train...

SheldonsSpot · 17/04/2017 14:58

I must be missing the issue?

You and the kids take the train, tell your DH that if he wants to drive he can do and you'll see him there.

What's the problem here?

NabobsFromNobHill · 17/04/2017 14:59

24 hours driving in 6 days is alot though. OP knows her children best and worries they won't cope all that well. That's just being a good parent

Then why make them sit in the car for 2 days on the way to France?

Misty9 · 17/04/2017 15:01

Definitely take the train then and get a family railcard to cut the cost

iloveredwine · 17/04/2017 15:02

If go by train if it's so much quicker. Why is dh wanting to take the car?

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