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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to drive this far?

190 replies

Frickles · 17/04/2017 13:20

MIL lives over 200 miles from us and it usually takes 6+ hours to get there when we visit once you factor in traffic, breaks for the DC (and us). We generally go there maybe once a year and the rest of the time she comes to us on the train (she doesn't drive) which is about a 3 hour trip.

She is turning 70 this summer and wants to have a big party, she's booked the date and wants us to go. Fine, except it's the Saturday before we go on our family holiday which was booked in December, long before we knew about the party. We leave for our holiday on the Tuesday after the party and are driving to a site in France over 2 days, it'll be a good 10 hour journey all in.

DC are 9 and 7 and not great car travellers, between car sickness, bickering, boredom etc it's not much fun but as an occasional thing we can all muddle through. However if we all go to MILs party we will end up sitting in the car for around 24 hours in 6 days which I think is too much. I'd be ok for us to take the train up and use public transport to get around as needed as the train is easier to manage (though it's quite pricey) but DH is insistent that he wants to drive and if I don't want to I can stay home 'to prepare for the holiday' Hmm

So AIBU, would you do all that driving?

OP posts:
Original poster
Frickles · 17/04/2017 15:02

I'm really not sure what to say to those of you who don't believe me about the journey time. I've done it. It takes that long. I think my pelvic floor is pretty good but I can't sit in a car for 4.5-5 hours.

We are splitting our holiday trip so it's 5 hours each day. As said in op for a one off we muddle through but I wasn't counting on two one offs in the space of a week. We flew last year and found it wasn't practical to do a self catering holiday that way, the cost of flight plus car hire is too much. As with many things we made a decision on the balance of pros and cons.

OP posts:
PollyPerky · 17/04/2017 15:03

Jeez- some really bitchy comments here.

The OP knows her own kids best. You might throw them in the car, travel overnight, stuff a biscuit in their mouths or whatever..take 2 hours to drive 240 miles. So what?

She doesn't have to justify her holiday and mode of travel.

The obvious answer is take the train, or ask MIL to move it forward a weekend, or have another party for close family after the France holiday.

Chloe84 · 17/04/2017 15:04

Then why make them sit in the car for 2 days on the way to France

It's a ten hour trip to France, split into 5 hours per days (as per OP's post).

Enko · 17/04/2017 15:06

IMO its your MILs 70th birthday and you ought to go.

Original poster
Frickles · 17/04/2017 15:11

Thanks to those of you who have actually read what I wrote and commented based on that! And to put everyone's minds at rest WE ARE ALL GOING TO GO so you can banish those sad pictures of mil blowing out her candles with a slow sad tear trickling down her cheek while her bitch DIL drives incredibly slowly to France

OP posts:
SoEverybodyDance · 17/04/2017 15:13

Go to it. It's a good opportunity for the kids to meet their wider family and she may not make her 80th. Sometimes you just have to push the boat out...

Darbs76 · 17/04/2017 15:14

It takes me 4/5hrs to go 240 miles but sometimes many more, it all depends whether you can take motorways / A roads / traffic conditions / accidents. If anyone can do it in 2hrs you're breaking the speed limit and travelling in middle of night. I hate driving in the dark so have to do daytime

derxa · 17/04/2017 15:14

She doesn't have to justify her holiday and mode of travel But she came on here asking for advice. Did she really expect those of us who have done these journeys to parents 100s of miles away for years not to comment? I've done the 70th, 80th and the 90th birthday. My DH and DSs didn't love it but we went because they are family. Driving's easiest if your MIL lives rurally and it's by far the cheapest.

Edballsisoneniftydancer · 17/04/2017 15:16

Frickles that is one ACE comeback post!

Lifegavemelemons · 17/04/2017 15:17

If dh wants to drive let him. Take the train with whichever dc want to go by train. Let them decide if they want to go by car or train.

I've done London - Leeds more times than I can remember- sometimes it's a breeze, sometimes a nightmare. I tended to do night drives if I used the M1 - set off 3am ish, arrive in time for breakfast, kids asleep in car (exdh never came with to visit my parents!). If I used A1 I'd set off after rush hour so that little chefs were still open for loo breaks and just accept the longer journey.

If I were doing it all again now I'd def go by train, particularly if it was to Newcastle! One of my friends was here the week before Easter. Nightmare journey home to Leeds, had to transfer from the M1 to A1 due to an accident. Sad

tribpot · 17/04/2017 15:17

London-Newcastle is a train journey job. Simple.

Vagndidit · 17/04/2017 15:19

You really need to go. You have months to buy advanced train tix. Get a family rail card and it shouldn't cost much for you all to go.

A six hour drive is ridiculous, honestly.

Lifegavemelemons · 17/04/2017 15:20

Oh ffs RTFT people! SHE IS GOING to the sodding party, she always was going, she was asking is she U in wanting to go by train not drive when her dh wants to drive!

NabobsFromNobHill · 17/04/2017 15:21

RTFT yourself, you've misunderstood many responses.

derxa · 17/04/2017 15:25

Or fly if there's someone who can pick you up from the airport. It also sounds as if 'D'H doesn't want to spend money on travelling to his DM's party.

Original poster
Frickles · 17/04/2017 15:27

Basically when the subject first came up DH seemed to think I was being precious suggesting we go by train. I was trying to gauge whether I was or not in the circumstances.

OP posts:
Chloe84 · 17/04/2017 15:30

OP, are you usually the one dealing with the fallout of fractious, car sick children? Might explain why DH thinks you're being 'precious'.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 17/04/2017 15:33

Why don't one of you take the train with the children and the other drive up in the car? Then you won't have to make so many stops to deal with travel sickness etc. and the you'll have the convenience of a car when you arrive.

I used to commute 100 miles each way a day (not in the UK though) so driving 200 miles in a day doesn't sound that bad to me. Without stops you should manage it in around 3.5 hours.

Beeziekn33ze · 17/04/2017 15:36

If kids are unused to trains they would most likely enjoy a train journey a lot. A bit off the point but just saying!

PollyPerky · 17/04/2017 15:36

Life I think you really ought not to recommend nightdriving.
It's very dangerous. Our body clocks are not designed to be at the wheel of a car at 3am. The stats around night driving are not good (re accidents.)

PollyPerky · 17/04/2017 15:38

She doesn't have to justify her holiday and mode of travel But she came on here asking for advice.

She wasn't asking advice on one trip, she was asking advice and comments on two back to back long drives.

Bit of a difference.

Edballsisoneniftydancer · 17/04/2017 15:39

If ONE MORE PERSON tells the OP how long the journey she makes on annual basis (at least) with HER family SHOULD take I shall create a bit of a disturbance Grin

Lossa Luv Ed (2hrs 16mins from Swansea on the M4 with a following wind)

NabobsFromNobHill · 17/04/2017 15:42

It's a bit of a stupid question, in that obviously if you have children that aren't well suited to long car journeys, then you do what you can to reduce the number or length of car journeys. You don't need MN to tell you that, surely.
It's also rather pointless since OP already knows what the answer to her problem is, and its her husband that wants to do it his way no matter what. So she needs to be talking to him, not us.

Chloe84 · 17/04/2017 15:43

Agree, we've done London-Leeds in 5 hours sometimes, and other times in 3 hours! Average is 4 hours. With a break, 6 hours from London-Newcastle is entirely reasonable.

onceyoupop · 17/04/2017 15:45

Ah, if you are happy to take the train I would go for it. Personally, I prefer bundling into the car as keeping a toddler quiet/entertained on train is stressful for me. So if your primary issue is just the extra car journey, I'd suggest booking your tickets, then it's done and won't be worrying you.