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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to drive this far?

190 replies

Frickles · 17/04/2017 13:20

MIL lives over 200 miles from us and it usually takes 6+ hours to get there when we visit once you factor in traffic, breaks for the DC (and us). We generally go there maybe once a year and the rest of the time she comes to us on the train (she doesn't drive) which is about a 3 hour trip.

She is turning 70 this summer and wants to have a big party, she's booked the date and wants us to go. Fine, except it's the Saturday before we go on our family holiday which was booked in December, long before we knew about the party. We leave for our holiday on the Tuesday after the party and are driving to a site in France over 2 days, it'll be a good 10 hour journey all in.

DC are 9 and 7 and not great car travellers, between car sickness, bickering, boredom etc it's not much fun but as an occasional thing we can all muddle through. However if we all go to MILs party we will end up sitting in the car for around 24 hours in 6 days which I think is too much. I'd be ok for us to take the train up and use public transport to get around as needed as the train is easier to manage (though it's quite pricey) but DH is insistent that he wants to drive and if I don't want to I can stay home 'to prepare for the holiday' Hmm

So AIBU, would you do all that driving?

OP posts:
Original poster
Frickles · 17/04/2017 15:45

Holding my hands up, I've checked google maps again and it's actually 273 miles not 237. A genuine mistake! I still don't think we could do it in the times mentioned, as a kid we used to drive to my grandparents 200 miles away and it took 4 hours and my dad was a racing driver (literally not metaphorically!)

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 17/04/2017 15:45
Grin

I had a little bet with myself that this thread would be about a MIL!!!!!!

specialsubject · 17/04/2017 15:49

6 hours for 200 miles in the UK is not impossible, some people clearly don't get out much and haven't noticed that we are now a bit crowded.

I'd suggest the train and car hire, or someone moves a date. Fault of person who booked second without checking people were available. No need for a toys-pram disconnect.

Edballsisoneniftydancer · 17/04/2017 15:49

But Bertrand it really isn't. Some people have tried to make it so (there has been an abortive attempt to call her selfish because she wants to celebrate her 70th birthday) but honestly she is not the issue here. Very much a supporting role rather than a leading part.

Your assumption was not unreasonable however!

Huskylover1 · 17/04/2017 15:50

If the kids don't travel well, I am somewhat agog that you've booked a holiday that involves so much driving. Can't you fly?

SunnyLikeThursday · 17/04/2017 15:51

I know what you mean. I struggle with travel sickness and this would be torture for me. Do what you think is right.

Onomatopoeic · 17/04/2017 15:57

Sounds rubbish. Your DH is BU insisting on driving. Taking the train would be a good compromise. Why is he being so stubborn about it?

C8H10N4O2 · 17/04/2017 16:04

Dear gods - the only question the OP actually asked is was she being unreasonable to do the trip by train instead of car to which the answer is YANBU. Look for a good deal on advance tickets and make the train a trip in itself (if your DCs are happier on trains).

Beyond that I'd assume she knows best when managing her own family and holidays but I find the idea that Ryanair work out cheap end to end pretty laughable even without factoring in the additional car hire.

Edballsisoneniftydancer · 17/04/2017 16:07

C8H10N4O2

Now there's a cue for if ever I saw one!

feathermucker · 17/04/2017 16:07

I think you'd be being unreasonable to miss such a special occasion. Plan it so it is the least exhausting way possible for you.....im sure it's doable. 3 hours on a train is nothing.

Bellaposy · 17/04/2017 16:09

I know it's a pain in the arse but it wouldn't even occur to me not to go. It's her 70th! (And I can't stand my MIL).

Original poster
Frickles · 17/04/2017 16:10

Last year we flew Ryanair and it cost just under £1000. No doubt I was doing it wrong and some of you could do the same trip with change from a tenner for a bag of chips on the way home. The Euro tunnel will cost about £160. This is why we are driving.

I'm going to insist we get the train I think.

OP posts:
derxa · 17/04/2017 16:15

I'm going to insist we get the train I think. Good plan

UrsulaPandress · 17/04/2017 16:18

Definitely a better idea to get the train to Newcastle. The A1 would be a better option than the M1. Not been down the M1 for a while but the M6 is full of 50 mile an hour limits whilst the 'smart motorways' are developed which really slows down the journey.

ILookedintheWater · 17/04/2017 16:52

It's her 70th Birthday!
Of course you must make an effort and go.
If you are worried about the kids put them into 'jamas and drive half way late at night, lift them into a travellodge, then complete the journey in the early morning....but it isn't really about he DCs is it?

C8H10N4O2 · 17/04/2017 17:22

EdBalls

Grin I love that sketch, personally I'd make people watch that instead of reading through the 500 pages of T&C - its far more realistic.

OP: go by train. Apparently despite the the fact that you have repeatedly stressed that your OP was about the mode of transport and not about the fact of going people want to write their own biscuit. Get yourself a Wine and find some good tickets.

C8H10N4O2 · 17/04/2017 17:23

'story' not 'biscuit' - I can't even blame auto correct for that one!

Huldra · 17/04/2017 17:26

Feathermucker

It was the ops husband who said about her staying at home if she didn't want to drive. It wasn't a desire of the OP, she was asking about trains.

wasonthelist · 17/04/2017 17:39

Last year we flew Ryanair and it cost just under £1000. No doubt I was doing it wrong and some of you could do the same trip with change from a tenner for a bag of chips on the way home.

Not only that, but the plane will arrive before it even took off, as anyone knows you can do 500 miles in a plane in minus 20 minutes.

PyongyangKipperbang · 17/04/2017 17:49

I think that your DH is being a bit of a dick for refusing to go by train. To me that is the compromise, you go but not by car. I would be insisting on train travel if I were you.

Huldra · 17/04/2017 17:53

Get him to drive the kids and you go by train Grin

Rockhopper81 · 17/04/2017 18:19

My friend and I - plus her 3 children, ages 9, 7 and 3 - regularly travel 160 miles to visit another friend. Takes about 3 hours with a stop (toilet before we leave and then a stop about halfway

Rockhopper81 · 17/04/2017 18:23

(Sorry, accidentally posted...)

Then we drive back the same day. 7 and 3 year olds always sleep part of one of the journeys. There is generally some boredom around an hour in - when they're bored of games - but once we've put the music on and had a dance in our seats, they're fine with the rest of the journey.

It's immensely doable with a 9 and 7 year old - if they suffer from travel sickness, I'm assuming they have some medication for it? I would suggest they do if you're driving to France as well - that's a lot of driving if you don't.

She's 70, it's a big birthday - you owe it to her to go really.

Original poster
Frickles · 17/04/2017 18:23

I will get my wine and biscuits and get onto redspottedhanky (not too much wine as I'll probably end up booking wrong dates...)

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 17/04/2017 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.