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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to cringe at someone calling my dd "princess"

100 replies

WrongSortOfKnife · 16/04/2017 23:06

Father of one of my son's classmates, who we see in passing at various pickups and school-related social stuff, loudly addresses my 6yo girl as "princess" at every occasion. I'm absolutely sure he's being friendly and jocular. I find it patronising and essentially misogynistic. I think she finds it a bit uncomfortable but doesn't know why. Would it be possible to say something without giving offense, or do we just smile politely and carry on? (We are all British, after all.)

OP posts:

BillSykesDog · 17/04/2017 15:46

Men call each other "love" all the time.

Yes that do actually in some parts of the country including Yorkshire.

lorelairoryemily · 17/04/2017 15:47

My best friend dad used to call my brother pebbles when he was little. Pebbles was Fred flintstones daughter. Nobody was offended. It was mean affectionately. Relax.

lorelairoryemily · 17/04/2017 15:48

Meant not mean!!

user1489261248 · 17/04/2017 15:54

It's the same kind of nubbin as the OP (and people defending her,) who got my neighbour a written warning at work. He called a young 20 year old woman 'babes' and 'hun' and 'luvvy,' and she wasn't keen on it. She asked him to call her Claire. He did mostly, but forgot sometimes. He called her sweetie this one time; so she put in a written complaint about him, and got him a written warning for 'sexism in the workplace.'

Nasty thing to do to a man only being friendly.

I am constantly called pet names by men; in the neighbourhood, at work, and in public places. I don't give a shit. But then I'm not a petty, mean-spirited snowflake.

TheTurnOfTheScrew · 17/04/2017 15:57

I call my DDs "princess". It's a cockney thing. No offence/belittlement intended.

Daydream007 · 17/04/2017 15:57

I'm sure he is just being friendly.

derxa · 17/04/2017 16:00

"Doesn't identify with being a princess"

BertrandRussell · 17/04/2017 16:00

"Men call each other "love" all the time.

Yes that do actually in some parts of the country including Yorkshire."

Er- no they don't.

BertrandRussell · 17/04/2017 16:01

User- the person who"got him a written warning" was himself.

kierenthecommunity · 17/04/2017 16:10

"Men call each other "love" all the time.

Yes that do actually in some parts of the country including Yorkshire."

Er- no they don't.

They so do. You never met a man from Barnsley?

GloriaGilbert · 17/04/2017 16:10

I detect a classist current as well.

It's certainly not what I'd call a little girl, but, we don't get to choose other people's language yet and this chap certainly means well.

kierenthecommunity · 17/04/2017 16:13

I don't mind 'princess' being used in the same lines as 'love' or 'darling' but I do get the rage at people who refer to their OWN kids as my ickle princess or similar as it seens like the twee-est thing ever (as does prince for a boy tbf)

BertrandRussell · 17/04/2017 16:21

"They so do. You never met a man from Barnsley? grin"

Yes. Lots.

derxa · 17/04/2017 16:23

OP Would you rather he called her 'Hen' or 'Doll'? Cos that's what they say in Scotland.

kierenthecommunity · 17/04/2017 16:59

"They so do. You never met a man from Barnsley? grin"

Yes. Lots.

They must have been ones who've moved there. Not natives

FiftyShadesOfDuckEggBlue · 17/04/2017 17:17

Haha, sandgrown, I guess I am / will be a very embarrassing mum!

People may dismiss everyday language as trivial but I think it's very important. Others have articulated this much better than me. I suggest reading The Gender Police: A Diary, which does a brilliant job of explaining the constant drip drip effect of casual sexist language.

Floggingmolly · 17/04/2017 17:24

Guess you will be, FiftyShades...
Would you seriously stand there arguing "she's NOT a princess, she's a KNIGHT" with someone who'd called out a friendly greeting to your 4 year old?
I can see plenty of people giving you a very wide berth (including, eventually, your 4 year old).

FiftyShadesOfDuckEggBlue · 17/04/2017 17:37

Well, if language doesn't matter as some claim in this thread and both being a princess and a knight are equally valid options for girls, surely there should be no eye rolling?

On second thought, I would probably say nothing because I wouldn't like to tell DD what she can and can't be, I'd like her to figure it out herself. But it's important to know she has options.

melj1213 · 17/04/2017 20:35

YABU

Why can't some people just take a term of endearment in the manner it was intended and not insist on it being a negative? If you honestly can't see past the specific words being used to acknowledge the good intent behind it, then it's not the person using the endearment that has an issue, it's you.

I work in retail and I get called love, chick, hun, dear, honey, darling, sweetie, sweetheart etc multiple times a day ... most of the time I think nothing of it because whilst I may not know these people, they are just trying to be nice (and/or being up North they just do it automatically) and there is no menace or malice behind it. Sometimes it gets annoying, if I'm having a bad day or its a pet name I don't like, but I try to remember it's meant in the nicest possible way and they can't know that I don't like that specific name.

TheDowagerCuntess · 17/04/2017 21:03

Language does matter, and princess is frankly a cringe-y pet name for a girl. Especially if used by parents in a genuine/non-ironic way! Sorry, but it is. And yes, it does have sexist overtones.

However, getting worked up about it being used by a relative stranger, as a term of endearment, just seems thoroughly miserable to me.

Ellieboolou27 · 17/04/2017 21:09

My dd would love to be called princess at any opportunity, I think you are reading far to much into this, your sounding a little precious
I was called "bonnie" by my next door neighbor until I left home at 25, I hated it but knew it was meant in a kindly way.

C8H10N4O2 · 17/04/2017 21:42

They must have been ones who've moved [to barnsley]. Not natives

My FiL and his brother were born and raised in that part of Yorkshire. I know this because I'm reminded at least three million times each time I see FiL. They are about as likely to address each other or any other man as 'love' or similar as I am to address them as 'princess'.

Interestingangelfish · 17/04/2017 22:54

Going back a bit, but yes, Momma, you are right about Moana. I keep saying to my husband what a strong role model she is for girls (and boys), and he always says "yes, inspiring girls everywhere to be the daughter of a chief!" But no, the world of Disney isn't perfect, but it is growing more to be something one can work with, alongside the whole raising of the kids to have decent values thing.

Just thinking back to the original thread, I was thinking how one of my friends always calls me "Trouble". Now, you could hardly meet a less troublous person, than me. But it's just a term of endearment. And I kinda like it (wish I was more troublous, to be fair). I just don't think words mean a lot, in this precise context (strangely). I think it is usually a cultural/regional thing. Have actually been known to call people "bab" myself, weirdly. Yet am not after infantilising anyone.

helpmesusan · 17/04/2017 22:57

I would hate DD to be called princess. I hate being called sweetheart or other over familiar shit. I quite often pull guys up for it; usually I am nice.

BillSykesDog · 17/04/2017 23:10

"They so do. You never met a man from Barnsley? grin"^

Or Sheffield. Or Rotherham. Or anywhere in Yorkshire and bits of Derbyshire and Nottinghamshire. I hear mean call each other 'love' every day.

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