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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to cringe at someone calling my dd "princess"

100 replies

WrongSortOfKnife · 16/04/2017 23:06

Father of one of my son's classmates, who we see in passing at various pickups and school-related social stuff, loudly addresses my 6yo girl as "princess" at every occasion. I'm absolutely sure he's being friendly and jocular. I find it patronising and essentially misogynistic. I think she finds it a bit uncomfortable but doesn't know why. Would it be possible to say something without giving offense, or do we just smile politely and carry on? (We are all British, after all.)

OP posts:

AssassinatedBeauty · 17/04/2017 00:03

Fairy tale/Disney princesses are not stupid because they are associated with girls. They are stupid because they do nothing themselves and need to be rescued/looked after, and are valued only because of what they look like etc. Only recently have Disney introduced characters that are less passive.

NoWordForFluffy · 17/04/2017 00:04

DD has watched Frozen, but no other Disney with princesses. She's just not interested in being anyone but herself (refuses to play at dressing up, as anything, not just princesses, which is bizarre given her very active imagination, I think. Makes for an easy World Book Day though 😂).

Astro55 · 17/04/2017 00:06

#add they need to be married to a fabulous prince offering his undying love .... equally handsome and rich

Batghee · 17/04/2017 00:06

birdsgottafly i totally agree! whats actually stupid about princesses? Its the fairytales people get angry with. Women waiting to marry or be saved. But tbf in their own context some of those women were very brave. Back in the day most women did not have a lot of direct power but that doesnt take everything away from their stories.
Disney sugar coat the original stories very much i agree and render some of the heroines pretty silly.
I had a book of princess stories when i was young and i really identified with some of them. One of my faves was The Light Princess about a princess who can feel no sadness. The original little mermaid story is also very moving. And the take home lessons from these stories are usually about being true to yourself and having moral courage.

What disney did to the little mermaid was pretty horrendous thinking about it. She doesnt get rescued by the prince in the real story at all, he cheats on her and she kills herself! pretty far from the disney tale.

Batghee · 17/04/2017 00:09

i mean the original little mermaid is a tale about why its not a good idea to sacrifice your identity for the love of a man.

GaladrielsRing · 17/04/2017 00:13

Dd was always called princess and she loved it. Mind you she lived from about 3-7 in princess dress up clothes and tiaras.

If it bothers your dd so much she should speak up.

My dp calls me his lumpy space princess.

GaladrielsRing · 17/04/2017 00:18

^^btw dd is now almost 14 and a proud feminist, a very strong individual who can debate her opinion like anything, and take on any challenge she chooses. Being called princess or Wearing Disney princess dresses didn't cause her to think she needs to be rescued by a man to have any worth.

Interestingangelfish · 17/04/2017 00:19

While I do agree about the whole princess thing (save Moana - I love Moana!) I think the terms of endearment one uses tend to come out almost at random. For example, I tend to call the children of my good friends "darling" a lot. Are they my darlings? Probably not (though of course I'm fond of them). I just don't really think about what I'm saying. Similarly, I find "baby" a perfectly acceptable term of endearment for me. Yet I don't want to be actually infantilised in the real world.
Suppose what I am saying is, don't over think it. While I agree language has power, I think terms of endearment have always been a law unto themselves.

WyfOfBathe · 17/04/2017 00:20

I call both my DDs princess. DD1 loves getting muddy, is very fierce, and wouldn't wait for any bloke to rescue her, but she's my princess.

I don't think princesses have to be helpless. What about Zara Tindall, a great sportswoman? I know she's not technically a princess, but she's a royal female.

GaladrielsRing · 17/04/2017 00:27

It's getting ridiculous. It's like a competition sometimes about whose dd wears a hard hat and plays with hammers and whose ds wears a tutu and likes my little pony

50shadesofduckeggblue · 17/04/2017 00:32

He may mean no harm but as AssasinatedBeauty said, no one would address a boy in a similar manner, which makes it indeed sexist. Don't get me started on princess culture! Maybe you could half jokingly make a comment along the lines of "she's not a princess, she's a warrior / knight / queen etc." and make sure your DD hears it? You'd be surprised at how much kids can pick up...

My LO has been repeatedly called a 'princess' and she's not even 6 months old yet!

WorraLiberty · 17/04/2017 00:38

Maybe you could half jokingly make a comment along the lines of "she's not a princess, she's a warrior / knight / queen etc." and make sure your DD hears it? You'd be surprised at how much kids can pick up...

All I would have picked up from that would have been how embarrassing my mum was.

WorraLiberty · 17/04/2017 00:39

And in what way is a Queen different to a Princess?

redexpat · 17/04/2017 00:41

I correct people to say prime minister.

Original poster

WrongSortOfKnife · 17/04/2017 00:43

I guess I am being unreasonable, the guy means well after all, but it's every single time... I just feel all the pink Princess stuff marketed at little girls stinks from a feminist pov so it gets under my skin. FWIW my granddad used to call me "tiger", what a dude.

OP posts:

MommaGee · 17/04/2017 00:43

Interesting Moana isn't a princess, she's a chiefs daughter and my 2yr son loves her

WorraLiberty · 17/04/2017 00:46

That doesn't count Momma, unless your son dresses like her and goes out in public.

Like to Asda or somewhere.

True fact.

MommaGee · 17/04/2017 00:50

worra I want asserting his femininity, just pointing out it wasn't a diss at Moana. I think he might like her in a "ooh pretty lady " way and I spend half my life telling people he's not a girl so definitely no girl clothes except a couple of pairs of trousers which are unisex to me and horrifically girls to my sister

MommaGee · 17/04/2017 00:50

Wasn't

Italiangreyhound · 17/04/2017 00:51

Ask your dd what she wants to do. If she wants to ignore him, fine, if she wants to tell him, "Hi, Mr 'Boy'sdad' my name is XXX." If she wants you to tell him "Hi, Mr 'Boy'sdad' my dd's name is XXX."

Then do it, IMHO.

It's fine to use terms of 'endearment', nick names and the like with your own kids but with other people's kids you stick to their name or an agreed name.

I think these days calling other people's kids random names just sounds rude! Like shortening a workmate's name from David to Dave or from Penelope to Penny, without their say so. It sounds kind of like you don't care what they are really called. If you don't care what they are really called, why talk to them?

GinSwigmore · 17/04/2017 01:12

Is that you Kate?!

TablePoodleNoodle · 17/04/2017 01:26

Can't breathe for fear of offending someone nowadays

EineKleine · 17/04/2017 01:30

I get where you're coming from, but I think smile politely, carry on, channel Princess Fiona, Princess Leia, Merida.

Sugarcoma · 17/04/2017 02:42

I could not roll my eyes harder right now. As pp said above, as long as it's coming from a warm place who cares? I actually went to Disneyland for a recent milestone birthday where I donned a tiara in the hope that someone would call me princess! (And they did ).

FWIW, I don't know why everyone bangs on about Eric saving Ariel in Disney's The Little Mermaid - they always seem to forget she saved him first!

wittyUserNameHere · 17/04/2017 04:07

essentially misogynistic

You do know that just because something isn't gender-neutral, doesn't mean it's misogynistic?

One of my DS's uncles always called them 'his little soldiers.' Misandry there OP?

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