To wake DH up to come to bed.

[MummyBearToTeddy]

DH is asleep watching TV because he was at the pub all day to avoid a children's party. The thing is we are ttc and I sort of need him to come to bed. Am I being mean? Need to DTD before DC1 wakes up again!

[HermioneJeanGranger]

How can you be a housewife when you have a full-time job as a teacher?

[MummyBearToTeddy]

No we don't have chlamydia. We've only slept with each other. It's not the 50's and we are more than happy. I am a housewife. I take care of the house and the family. Being a teacher is my other job. I have three degrees and a PhD so I'm not likely
To stay home all day doing nothing.

[DAMNgina]

I have three degrees the original lineup? Or the Cynthia Garrison version?

[stitchglitched]

Are you the OP who was worried about your Mum looking after your son because you were worried about abuse but your husband told you to suck it up because he didn't want to pay for childcare?

Apologies if I'm wrong but your posting style is the same; every defence of him is actually just more examples of what a shit he is.

[HermioneJeanGranger]

Well, no. You're not a housewife because you also have a job.

[RebelRogue]

So the test was negative? Good. Now you don't have to worry he'll "kill you" or "hate you forever". Must be a relief.

[witsender]

You are not a housewife. You work and earn a living. You just do all the house work as well while your husband goes down the pub while relying on carefully selected bible passages to keep you in line. Just be careful when you think about how you want your son to grow up, do you want him growing up thinking that a woman's job is to serve him? Cause I sure as hell don't want that for my son.

[Gallavich]

You were not put on the earth to take care of people. Your shitty parents and your patriarchal religious conditioning have taught to to be codependent and deny your own needs over other people's.

[DAMNgina]

This is controversial and I am wary of posting but OP is no Mumsnet newbie and she posted in AIBU so....

There's been something about this thread that just hasn't rung true.

And it's not the facts of the matter - it's the status of the OP as a downtrodden victim.

Is there is another way of looking at this I wonder?

From the get-go and in every post since, OP has deliberately given a lot of information about her husband/lifestyle that no-one could construe as reasonable.

Not even my staunch dyed-in-the-wool 50-something Catholic friend or her 75-year-old Irish Catholic Ma.

At first I thought it was a cry for help but then I just realised it's just reminded me of someone I used to know who was also keen to project a certain image.

In her case was about control, her control over her household and children and ensuring that they could not function without her.

If OP does have three degrees and an PhD she is intelligent (obvs there are different types of intelligence but she's no fool, as she is keen to point out).

She keeps her husband infantilised by enabling - encouraging? - his behaviour - she's happy he's off to the pub while she tends to the child and home.

She says she looks after her husband but enables/encourages regular heavy drinking, long absences and poor dietary choices

Her posts indicate that she doesn't seem to view him as an equal parent or an equal partner in the home.

From her posts her salary does not go towards any of the household/family expenses.

OP has complete control of her household her child and her own finances.

[Mulberry72]

I wish you all the luck in the world OP, because you're going to need it!!

You lost me at helping me ttc

Fuck me!

[DaemonPantalaemon]

Well, she has written other posts in which she seems unhappy at not having had sex in over two years, and in which she expresses extreme jealousy of women who are pregnant. So she is clearly not as happy as wants people to believe ...

[DAMNgina]

DaemonPantalaemon

I'm totally projecting here but wouldn't it be ironic if OP's husband is witholding sex as it's the only form of asserting his will that he has?

Just like a 1950s housewife.

[HermioneJeanGranger]

DAMNgina that's an interesting way of looking at it.

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

This thread helpfully reinforces my view that a catholic education is not what I want for my children if this is what they'd be taught a good relationship is.

[pieceofpurplesky]

Dam I am inclined to agree

[cardibach]

Yes DAMNGina - I was intrigued by the OPs comment that her DH pays for everything as though she's a SAHM when she's a teacher earning a reasonable (if not massive) amount of money.

[Pollydonia]

Testing I am Catholic had a Catholic education and can assure you that it in no way shows this type of relationship as normal

[Chickpearocker]

Brought up in Ireland, attended catholic school, everyone in the community catholic. I have never heard such bullshit in my life. Don't put this on religion OP.

[DAMNgina]

Yes, I had Easter lunch with my lovely and devout Catholic friend and her extended family (which is why I asked OP about her denomination) and asked I mentioned this thread.

They were shocked.

To say the least.

So I tried thinking about this in a different way.

That's when I put my finger on what was nagging at me - all of the posts seem real, but none of them feel genuine.

[DaemonPantalaemon]

DAMNgina very interesting. You may be on to something there. That line from the OP that he is there to "help me ttc" coupled with OP's Catholic faith and its frowning upon contraception could well mean that the husband could be trying to assert the only control he has in the relationship, control over his own body. Very sad all round.

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

No excuse for the bullshit then.

[ineedmoreLemonPledge]

Reading the whole thread makes me feel very unsettled for some inexplicable reason.

[BrutusMcDogface]

"Helping you ttc " !!??

I know this has been mentioned before, but......just what the fuck.

Also, you maybe think you have a wonderful life because of your own rubbish upbringing but it's just not true. your son is growing up thinking mummy does everything and daddy just sits on the sofa or goes out drinking beer.

[DAMNgina]

The more I think about it the more I think there is, at best, a lot of emotional manipulation and controlling behaviour in this relationship -but it's directed at and not from the OP's husband.

Very sad all round - Indeed.

[gamerchick]

In her case was about control, her control over her household and children and ensuring that they could not function without her

Who turn into the MIL from hell who's dil helps the son to cut off and run far far away?