So what you're all saying is that given the choice of going out with adults OR sitting bored surrounded by 25 over sugared children you'd all take the children? Having a sleep in past 5am or getting up you'd all pick getting up? I think if I had the choice I'd stay in bed but that's not lazy.
I think the issue is that your husband is the only one in your marriage who is getting the choice. He is the only one choosing to opt out, he's the one choosing to spend all his free time with his friends instead of his son.
6am is too early for me, but when you're a parent you don't get that choice, you get up. Of course if I had a choice I'd stay in bed, and when dd was little, I did have that choice, because my husband knew he was as much a parent as I was and in having children, he no longer gets to put himself and his wants first just because he's male.
Priorities should change when you have children. I don't like kids parties and would rather be at the pub, dh will sometimes take dd if I have something pre planned and vice versa, but no way would either of deliberately opt out and leave the other one to pick up all the slack.
You said there'd be chaos if the mums went out while the Dads supervised, I think that's such a shame because it implies he men in your circle don't know how to look after their own children. Genuine question, if you were to get ill or have an accident, wouldn't you want things to be as smooth for your DC as possible? If you feel there'd be chaos if he was left for an afternoon, are you not worried about the impact on your DC if your were immobilised for longer? You'd be outing your children in the situation you were in as a child, of having to manage their parent.
Re spending time with his child, it doesn't need to be something they both enjoy, it needs to be something your child enjoys and he sucks it up. Those parents you see looking for sticks, or painting, or sticking shit to paper don't do it because it's a common hobby, they do it because they want their children to be happy and bond with them. Common interests follow as they get older and they grow. Kids change what they like all the time, so even if ds gave football a go for eg, would dh stop spending time with him when ds decided he didn't like it?
The message that sends to your children is that Dad only wants to be with them if they do something Dad likes, then they are stuck with choosing they actually enjoy but knowing Dad won't show an interest, or doing something they don't actually like but Dad does so that Dad spends time with them.
It sounds like both your Dh and your parents were not great, but you want different for your children, whereas your dh seems to want the same as he had, he is repeating his own fathers behaviour so he wants his son to have same life he had or he'd be getting up at 6am with his son on the rare occasion he asks, he'd see his friends less (I think once a month, or every few months is regular enough) he'd see his own family with you and his children, he'd be insisting his dad spends time with you all, he'd be sucking up every boring activity because he wants his children to come first.
It sounds like he's one of those who wait til DC are late teens to "bond" doing the adult things Dad likes, pubs etc... If you had a daughter would he treat them equally do you think? Or would dd be expected to stay at home baking cakes with you while he takes ds out to footie?
