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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wake DH up to come to bed.

169 replies

MummyBearToTeddy · 15/04/2017 23:47

DH is asleep watching TV because he was at the pub all day to avoid a children's party. The thing is we are ttc and I sort of need him to come to bed. Am I being mean? Need to DTD before DC1 wakes up again!

OP posts:
pieceofpurplesky · 16/04/2017 00:43

OP lots of similar threads

Original poster
MummyBearToTeddy · 16/04/2017 00:44

Also why does he have to spend all the weekend at home to be a good parent? He's home after 6 on a week night too and mornings on the weekend.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 16/04/2017 00:45

He hates sex?! Wtaf?

LagunaBubbles · 16/04/2017 00:47

I asked on another thread why did the OP become pregnant to her selfish arse of a partner, this is like a prequel.

DixieFlatline · 16/04/2017 00:53

He is the main earner in the house so needs his downtime.

Paid work is just so much more tiring than other work, poor lamb.

Original poster
MummyBearToTeddy · 16/04/2017 00:53

@cherrysoup yeah ttc is the only sex I get. Our journey actually started because it had been almost a year without any and I said we should try for another baby!

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyBearToTeddy · 16/04/2017 00:55

@dixieflatline he has to travel over an hour to get to work everyday he's in and sometimes more so I feel he needs his free time. If I'm not at work I genuinely sit around painting or playing with cars or running around a playground!

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyBearToTeddy · 16/04/2017 00:56

@lagunabubbles he's not selfish. He pays for everything out of HIS salary. The house, bills, food, everything.

OP posts:
DixieFlatline · 16/04/2017 00:57

If he goes to work he has to commute. If you don't go to work you have free time. What a shocker. Enjoy your ridiculous thread, OP. I'm out.

Insomnibrat · 16/04/2017 01:00

I wonder if the constant stress and pressure you put yourself under in this situation is preventing you from conceiving...?

HappenedForAReisling · 16/04/2017 05:02

Doesn't matter if you're happy OP. Your DH doesn't get the MN stamp of approval so LTB Hmm

ButtonmushroomEx · 16/04/2017 06:11

Op your DH came upstairs at 1.42 and by 1.44 you were reposting?

The 1.5 minutes of sex must have been AWESOME!

WateryTart · 16/04/2017 07:03

Good grief.

Original poster
MummyBearToTeddy · 16/04/2017 07:05

There was no minute of anything. He came upstairs and went to sleep. I apologise for being annoying and he told me I need to just give him some space. He also said that it's not his fault our son doesn't want him to do nights, bedtime, cut his toast, help him go to the toilet etc it's only me he ever wants so that's why he does nothing. I explained I've NEVER accused him of doing nothing and he said he knows that but it's my fault and I can't dare accuse him of in the future because he knows that's what I think.

@dixieflatline how is it ridiculous that my DH works and then needs his time out because his work is stressful and says are longer because of the commutes🤔 I also don't see the fact I have A LOT of free time as being ridiculous. I get 14weeks a year holiday from work as oppose to his 22days so I'm sorry he feels like he should use weekends as a bit of time to relax.

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyBearToTeddy · 16/04/2017 07:10

Plus this post was simply me wondering if I should wake him up or not. It wasn't about his parenting. Turns out though it's brought up some actual issues with him and I feel so guilty now about him not being able to help with DS because he's simply not letting his daddy help.

OP posts:
HermioneJeanGranger · 16/04/2017 07:33

Maybe DS only wants you because he'd rather goto the pub than spend time with his kids?

Gallavich · 16/04/2017 07:40

Parents have to put the effort in to create a relationship with their children. If your husband is working long days during the week then it's even more important that he is at home at weekends spending time with his son and building that relationship. If he continues to spend every day away from him including his free days, their relationship will never develop.
Children don't magically know who their fathers are when they are born. They don't have a connection to their fathers, it has to grow and develop. Fathers who see their children for a few minutes a day and expect the child to feel happy and securely attached to them are unreasonable and misinformed.

doge · 16/04/2017 07:47

Why does he hate sex? Are you happy with that? Confused

Original poster
MummyBearToTeddy · 16/04/2017 07:50

But how is DH meant to see his own DF? Or see his friends who also work all week. He doesn't enjoy doing things like getting the paints out or the train track or running round the park looking for sticks. He likes sports and going out. Like I said he only gets 22 days a year holiday and so weekends are important to help him relax. I have no problem with him going out and enjoying himself. He earns the money and he should be able to enjoy it. He's never hurt us, doesn't spend every night through the week out with his friends or at the pub, loves us and we live in a nice house. I feel awful he thinks DS won't let him do anything and I'll make sure he knows that he needs to let daddy help. He actually asked to go downstairs with him this morning but it was 6am and that's too early for DH!

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyBearToTeddy · 16/04/2017 07:51

@doge he just does. If we weren't ttc I wouldn't ever get any. He's happily just go to bed and straight to sleep.

OP posts:
Kalizahara · 16/04/2017 07:52

I'm sorry op but I really hope this is a joke.

Your relationship sounds fucked up.

Your hanging around in the early hours desperate to have sex with a man who hates sex with you? He blames you that he isn't close to his son?

Just because your husband works doesn't mean he shouldn't spend time with his dc on weekends. He should even more so.

He went to the pub because he didn't want to spend time with you. He went to sleep because he didn't want to ha e sex. He isn't interested in the family he's already got, why make more?

badhotfanny · 16/04/2017 07:54

There are lots of shit parts to parenting. I fucking hate soft play, for example. Whenever I take the kids to the cinema I have a power nap for pretty much the entire film. I hate crafting. I suck it up to make my kids happy and give them experiences.

Plus - and I do mean this kindly - my kids also want me to do everything for them, as opposed to their dad. Doesn't mean I do it all, even when they make a fuss. And I don't blame them for it, I think it's just a phase. And DH is grown up enough not to take it personally.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 16/04/2017 07:54

If you're happy with your set up, then that's your choice. To an outsider you sound like a doormat. And maybe a martyr if you're aiming for another baby where he does very little.

Gallavich · 16/04/2017 07:55

You can have a husband who spends all his free time playing sports with his friends and dad, or you can have a husband who actually has a relationship with his children. You can't have both. I guess you know what is important to you.

Kalizahara · 16/04/2017 07:55

No op, don't start blaming your son that his dad is a useless father who'd rather pursue his own hobbies than actually parent.

Your son knows his dad doesn't want to know and that's why he's picking up on it.

If your husband doesn't enjoy children why the hell did he have any? Why have anymore?

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