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AIBU?

To wake DH up to come to bed.

169 replies

MummyBearToTeddy · 15/04/2017 23:47

DH is asleep watching TV because he was at the pub all day to avoid a children's party. The thing is we are ttc and I sort of need him to come to bed. Am I being mean? Need to DTD before DC1 wakes up again!

OP posts:

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KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 16/04/2017 09:47

If OP and her DH is happy, what is it to do with other people? She didn't ask for people commenting on the dynamics of her relationship.

She asked should she wake him up for sex.

OP might not agree with some of the dynamics in other posters relationships.

Just because something isn't common doesn't mean it's odd/wrong.

MrsDarkDestroyer · 16/04/2017 09:54

I really feel for you OP, your husband sounds rubbish and you don't seem to realise it. You deserve much better. One of the reasons I love my OH so much is because he is a brilliant dad. He works 6 days a week and then sometimes does work for family on the 7th day. But still he'll get up with baby on a night if I'm struggling. Does most nappy changes when he's not at work and cooks tea most nights. Not because I ask him to but because he wants to. And he's self employed so doesn't get any annual leave. He'll maybe take a total of 3 weeks off a year for Christmas and holidays.

If you were a SAHM I would still be saying your husband doesn't help enough. What if you get a difficult baby?

When we were ttc I read that alcohol can affect sperm quality so my OH didn't drink.

RiseToday · 16/04/2017 09:59

It doesn't sound as if he wants another child if he has to be persuaded to have sex and then tells you to get out of his face!

theDudesmummy · 16/04/2017 10:02

Your husband "lets" you do what job you want?? What century are we in?

Gallavich · 16/04/2017 10:03

It's not just a question of waking him for sex though. It's impossible to comment on that without noticing that they only have sex to ttc, or that the man is barely involved with the child he already has.
You can't present information about your relationship and ask people not to notice the dynamics. Mumsnet doesn't work like that.

witsender · 16/04/2017 10:10

Jesus. If he is going to play the bug man wage earner he needs to at least have a sahm. You are a wage earner, stop playing so subordinate.

JigglyTuff · 16/04/2017 10:14

KungFu - sometimes (often actually) women post on here about one element of their relationship when really subconsciously they're asking for an external perspective on the bigger picture.

I don't think the OP sounds very happy, despite her protestations to the contrary.

Rollonbedtime7pm · 16/04/2017 10:14

It sounds shit but honestly, do what ever you like.

My worry is this is the model of a "father" your DS is growing up with and then he becomes this kind of useless manchild that my DD'S have available to them!

Loving the "helping me to ttc" - er, it's generally a joint effort!

SparklyMagpie · 16/04/2017 10:14

Fucking hell

DarkestBeforeDawn · 16/04/2017 10:18

I am truly astounded by this thread.

user1489226029 · 16/04/2017 10:19

Sorry OP but this post is so concerning. You almost sound brainwashed. I wouldn't normally comment on relationship themed threads,(mine is not perfect) however this seems wrong on many levels. Sounds like you and DH need to work on your relationship and as a family before trying to have more. The no sex at is a worry particularly as you are mismatched. It will eat away at you. Sorry but yourDH sounds totally disinterested not a great grounding for having more kids. I think you need to have an honest conversation and stop walking on egg shells trying to please him.

notanothernamechangebabes · 16/04/2017 10:32

The weirdest bit of this thread for me is "help me TTC"

What a strange phrase. Does he WANT another baby? Your phrasing sounds like TTC is something YOU are doing... with a bit of spermy assistance from your 'D'P.

When it comes to the children- from conception to packing them off to uni- your partner isn't "helping you"- he's being a father.

Can I ask how old you are OP? You have a very old fashioned view of the world...

notanothernamechangebabes · 16/04/2017 10:33

Also x post with rollonbedtime

Marmalade85 · 16/04/2017 10:38

Yes I also spotted the 'help me try to conceive'. You conceive together!

Imstickingwiththisone · 16/04/2017 10:46

If you're fine with the situation op then that's great but i wish you wouldn't continually justify your dh's shit behaviour. I know there are a lot worse problems in the world but I'd hate my DD to be taught by someone who just didn't see how ridiculous this situation is. Fair enough if you understand it and accept it but you're so blind to it!!

DeleteOrDecay · 16/04/2017 11:04

At least my DH is here for us

In what way is he there for you? Sounds like he'd rather be at the pub than contribute to family life in a non-monetary sense.

I myself didn't see MY DF from age 12 till I tracked him down years and years later. His new girlfriend gave him the choice between her or me and he picked her. That's a shit dad!

Not denying your dad is a shit one but what gives you the right to make him choose like that? Why couldn't he have both you and his girlfriend in his life?

My DH lets me do anything I want so I'm in no way oppressed and I'm a good wife in return.

If you wanted to spend the weekend at the pub whilst your H has your son for the weekend would he 'allow' it?

RightOnTheEdge · 16/04/2017 11:10

It says his new girlfriend gave him the choice between her or me
The Op didn't make him choose.

MummyBearToTeddy · 16/04/2017 11:12

Well it's not him carrying a baby and growing it so it's me conceiving not him. I'm 35 so I know age isn't in my favour for having another baby.

There's nothing wrong with having different sex drives. I accept that and actually there are times when I would rather go to sleep. We conceived by accident the first time four months after we met the first time we ever slept together. He was drinking more then than he is now because he was younger and free to go out till all hours. It wasn't until a year later after the baby was born that we started again because we wanted to try for another. I know I'm super lucky to have the one we do so I'm not holding out hope for the next especially as it's been 2years.

There was no hidden meaning to my post. I simply wasn't sure if it was worth it waking him up. Turns out if I had waited an hour I'd have known anyway and if I'd have waited two I'd have my DC in bed with me anyway.

Sorry you don't all agree with our family set up and ways of doing things. It's 1000times better than how I grew up myself so I am grateful for the life I lead now because it's so full of love and happiness.

OP posts:

DeleteOrDecay · 16/04/2017 11:12

Oh yes I stand corrected, apologies for misreading and misunderstanding.

MummyBearToTeddy · 16/04/2017 11:19

I didn't make my dad pick between us he was given the choice by his girlfriend after she met me. She said if he wanted to stay with her then he couldn't see me anymore. He stayed with her and I was invited to the wedding as a chance to say goodbye. I've got a brother and sister I have only ever seen in photos because they don't know I exist.

OP posts:

user1489226029 · 16/04/2017 11:23

If you are happy and your Dh is happy fair enough. But it certainly comes across like you are trying to convince yourself everything is wonderful instead of being honest. I'm sorry but sex only when you are trying to conceive what decade is that from???

MummyBearToTeddy · 16/04/2017 11:36

We are happy. I grew up feeling very unloved and when I met DH he was different. He loves me despite all the problems in my life and past experiences. A lot of people wouldn't have wanted that but he stayed.

If you're interested this is the passage read at my wedding...

Ephesians 5:22-33New International Version (NIV)
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

OP posts:

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user1489226029 · 16/04/2017 11:43

Ok I see why now. If that's your way fair enough. I am different I guess we all are doesn't make my way better than yours or vice versa. I hope everything works out for you.

Alwayshungryforcrisps · 16/04/2017 11:49

If you are happy then it's no one else's business

RJnomore1 · 16/04/2017 11:55

Conversely the bible also says a husband should cherish his wife as his own body and that you have the right to your marital due, neither of which seem to be happening here.

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