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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend is a tight arse???

575 replies

FataliePorkman · 15/04/2017 18:20

Just been out for lunch with three friends and our DCs- the children all had the same (lunchboxes with a carton drink and then a small crispy cake) but us adults ate/drank varying amounts. Two of the friends are a couple and the other is single like me. Let's call her Joan.

3/4 of us shared a bottle and extra glass of wine and 2 soft drinks. Joan didn't drink as she lives further away from the pub than us so was driving.
We all had a starter and a main course and then we got a chessboard to share between us- but only me and the couple had some. Joan had 3 DC with her, I have 3 DC and the couple have 1 DC.

Anyway the bill came and friend from the couple suggested we split the bill 3 ways equally. I was fine with this, as were the couple. Joan refused and said she would only pay for what her and her DC had.

Awkward tension followed- Joan paid for her meal and her DC while me and my other two friends split the bill.

AIBU to think she is a bit tight??

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
PurpleDaisies · 15/04/2017 19:41

Don't go out with a group unless you make it clear what the split will be would be my observation.

My friends never get funny with me if I say I'll be paying for what I've had and I've never felt the need to announce that's the plan at the start of a meal. If it looks like we've all eaten/drunk similar there's no need to pay individually. I don't hang around with arseholes so it's not a problem either way.

Jeaniusly · 15/04/2017 19:41

When we go out as a group we throw 20 quid a head in or whatever. If it is less, we put it towards the next gig (leaving a tip of course).

No one gives a monkeys what anyone has. What goes around, comes around etc.

I have admiration for Joan, but she should have said it from the get go. I have done this with colleagues and not so friendy friends that I don't know well also. At least they know from the start and can get their own bill in order and pay for their own Chablis and Oysters. Ha.

JigglyTuff · 15/04/2017 19:41

Where's the tight arse OP gone?

CigarsofthePharoahs · 15/04/2017 19:42

I'm with Joan.
Alcohol is always expensive when eating out and I wouldn't expect a non drinker to sub me.
I could understand if she was quibbling over a few quid or less, but I suspect the price difference for Joan was a bit more than that.
If this isn't a reverse then I expect poor Joan isn't going to be invited out by the op and her penny pinching mates again.

GlitterGlue · 15/04/2017 19:42

I am totally team Joan. I wouldn't dream of asking someone else to pay for my food and drink.

AyeAmarok · 15/04/2017 19:43

Definitely a reverse.

Own up, OP.

SootSprite · 15/04/2017 19:43

Anyone else reckon this'll turn up in the DM tomorrow?

Can picture the scene.....crappy journo has to produce a story to fill the rags pages tomorrow.....inspiration strikes......starts a stupid thread on MN and sits back to enjoy...

TupperwareTat · 15/04/2017 19:44

T.J

SearchingforGrandparents · 15/04/2017 19:44

A single mother to 3 children and you're calling her tight????

Jeaniusly · 15/04/2017 19:45

Ah PurpleDaisies,

I get it. Arseholes. Yep. Thank you.

sniffle12 · 15/04/2017 19:46

I've been for group meals whilst absolutely skint before (e.g. leaving do's at work I'd already committed to without realising they were the day before payday...) - and when you've already had to drink tap water, pick the cheapest main and go without start/dessert/sides, and someone who had the steak, dessert, and a bottle of wine suggests splitting the bill, no I'm not going to have any worries about appearing 'tight'!

If you've all had roughly the same, fair enough split the bill, but if someone's been scrimping on various parts of the meal, you should figure there's probably a reason for that and respect that.

arethereanyleftatall · 15/04/2017 19:48

Yabu.
If someone wants to pay for their own, rather than split, that implies their share is less, so they are wanting to pay their fair amount, not more.

The person who calls a non splitter stingy, is the stingy one themselves, as they are wanting the non splitter to subsidise them.

Waffles80 · 15/04/2017 19:49

OP? Ohhhh-peeeee?

scottishdiem · 15/04/2017 19:50

Team Joan.

Quartz2208 · 15/04/2017 19:50

Unless it's family or everyone has the same quickly working out what you have had and allowing for a tip makes sense. I went out had wine but no starter so I paid for wine and my main would not expect the non drinking half to sub the wine (which is expensive)

user1471558436 · 15/04/2017 19:51

OP what did you pay? What did she pay? And what did the couple pay?

jennyfromtheblock1975 · 15/04/2017 19:51

I really hope this is one of the threads that gets picked up by the fail so Joan can read it and feel vindicated... after being made to feel like she was the awkward tight arse when all she did was not subsidise someone else's meal.

I can't believe how common it is for people to scrounge off their mates with this "let's not be so vulgar as to actually work out our share" nonsense! If I order wine / desserts etc I make a point of NOT wanting to split the bill equally because my share is larger...

Mildred007 · 15/04/2017 19:52

Another team Joan here! PPs have already voiced my thoughts.

Good on her for speaking up. I have found myself in this type of situation before where I only had a certain amount of money but have ended up leaving myself short because I have felt too rude to speak up. Well done Joan! OP YABU.

Gallavich · 15/04/2017 19:52

Never go out without a monetary cushion

Some. People. Don't. Have. Spare. Money. To. Cushion. Themselves. And. Have. To. Stick. To. A. Budget.

I wish people would get this. If the only cash I have spare all week (that I do not need for diesel, or groceries, or a direct debit) is £30 then £30 is all I can spend. My friends understand that and would rather I got to come out than expect me to merrily split the bill which if expected would mean I wouldn't go out.

People who don't understand that other people have strict budgets are twats.

LordPercy · 15/04/2017 19:53

Also #TeamJoan

She's not the tightwad here, is she? 🤔

EweAreHere · 15/04/2017 19:54

She didn't drink alcohol, she didn't have the cheeseboard, why the fuck should she subsidise your alcohol and cheese?

Not even going to read through ... going with this reaction from the first page which was mine as well.

Bearsinmotion · 15/04/2017 19:55

Reverse

Jeaniusly · 15/04/2017 19:57

@Gallavich

No problem with being on a budget, been there, got the t shirt etc. etc.

But I did say before going out that I would be paying for myself and my own consumption alone. No problem.

The problems arise when the group just thinks to split it without thinking of anyone else's circumstances, OR being subbed.

It's about communication I think. Everyone knows then. I said this earlier. Better to say it before going out so there are no open mouthed shocks from everyone else. Like Joan's friend lol.

Imaginingdragonsagain · 15/04/2017 19:58

Team Joan!!

shrunkenhead · 15/04/2017 19:58

Next time just treat Joan by paying for her share of the bill yourselves.

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