To think my friend is a tight arse???

[FataliePorkman]

Just been out for lunch with three friends and our DCs- the children all had the same (lunchboxes with a carton drink and then a small crispy cake) but us adults ate/drank varying amounts. Two of the friends are a couple and the other is single like me. Let's call her Joan.

3/4 of us shared a bottle and extra glass of wine and 2 soft drinks. Joan didn't drink as she lives further away from the pub than us so was driving.
We all had a starter and a main course and then we got a chessboard to share between us- but only me and the couple had some. Joan had 3 DC with her, I have 3 DC and the couple have 1 DC.

Anyway the bill came and friend from the couple suggested we split the bill 3 ways equally. I was fine with this, as were the couple. Joan refused and said she would only pay for what her and her DC had.

Awkward tension followed- Joan paid for her meal and her DC while me and my other two friends split the bill.

AIBU to think she is a bit tight??

I figure I must go to much cheaper places than you guys, as I was thinking that splitting the meals (minus wine and cheese) three ways would be roughly equal, and then the wine and cheese can be halved/split 3 again, between those who had it.

I have RTFT and I realise why people are against the general split 3 ways thing, but in my head a kid's main is a fiver, an adult main is a tenner, so they would be roughly the same. Clearly if you go to classier establishments than I do, it could be horrendously unfair for Joan.

@dowhatnow

Exactly. They were friends. Not a motley crew of workmates half of whom hate each other!

Still waiting for the savings from a bottle of vino and a cheeseboard divided by three.

@Spankypitta - sorry, but I think it is pretty vulgar to expect a non-drinking friend to subsidise the drinkers, or for someone who eats less/eats less expensive stuff, to subsidise the ones who want to eat more expensive things!

It's vulgar and down right rude to expect friend's to help pay for your alcohol and extra food! Plus if there were 4 people why on earth would you only split the bill 3 ways....thete is still 4 mouths!!! It's always the people who will end up paying miles less that are keen for this type of bill splitting isn't it?

Team Joan for sure

I have been 'caught out' numerous times when splitting a bill, as I usually don't drink alcohol or have starters/desserts. However, there are times when I have had quite a few soft drinks which are quite expensive, so to me this equates with the price of the alcohol. I think its so much easier if each couple/family/person just has their own bill if arguments are going to be had, or bad feeling left behind. Its just not worth it.

@SDT.

How much do you think was saved here, for the sake of camaraderie and friendship? A fiver, tenner, twenty, 100?

Joan should have made it clear before the bill arrived that she would be paying for her own. After the bill..... that was not good timing nor good communication.

But I admire her resolve and confidence in doing it. Never go out without a monetary cushion! It could be her turn next to be subsidised.

I am happy to split the bill equally even though i may have eaten or drunk less

However,

I absolutely support anyone elses right not to do that and only pay for what they have eaten and drunk.

I am team Joan

Team Joan!!

It's massively tight to suggest splitting a bill three ways when poor Joan didn't eat your cheese or drink your wine. Pay for your own shit.

I can see how you can think one adult and three kids, another adult and three kids, two adults and one kid, leads to equal split. The two missing kids in the third party equates to one adult.

However when one of those parts of the overall party doesn't consume two potentially expensive items that the other adults do then the basic simple split no longer works.

Assume 1A meal = £10, 1C Meal = £5, Wine = £15 and Cheeseboard = £6

Poster = Adult meal @ £10, plus three kids meals @£15, one third wine @£5 and one third of cheeseboard = £2. Total = £32

Joan = 1 Adult meal @£10, plus three kids meals @£15 = £25

Couple
= 1 Adult meals @£10, plus one kids meal @£5, one third wine @£5, one third cheeseboard @£2 = £22
plus one adult meal @£10, one third wine @£5 and one third cheeseboard @ £2 = £17

couple in total = £39

Total for meal in this example is £96 (if my maths is correct) and a three way split would be £33 each - Joan would be overpaying by £8, the poster would be saving £1 and the couple would be paying £6 more but that £6 purchases a meal plus cheese & wine.

If it had been split 4 ways it would be £24 each with the couple paying £48. So Joan would be paying nearer her share, the poster would be benefiting by £8 and the couple would be overpaying £3 each (£6 as a couple)

Put another way - the couple's share of the bill was 40%, the posters was 33% and Joan's only 26%. This is only one example obviously the costs could all be totally different but the end result would be the same, just the scales would perhaps differ - Joan definately had the smallest bill. The poster probably did have about a third of the bill and therefore would pay a third even if it was split exactly so possibly doesn't see what the fuss is. The big discrepancy will be between the couple and the single with no extra items in her choices.

Maths isn't my strong point, so I may be wrong here but I think the basics are right. I hope so anyway or I've made a complete fool of myself.

I wouldn't mind an even split but that's because I'm in a fortunate financial position and things tend to even out over the years - my friend forked out over £30 for all of us for additional add ons a day out recently plus she then paid for lunch as she was first in the queue and I was sheparding six kids towards the tables. I thanked her and she wouldn't take the money but we know I will do it next time. With other friends who I know are on a bit of a tighter budget I will make sure I am at the front of the line and will pay and not expect to be paid back. Usually I just say, oh you get it next time (which they may or may not do depending on how it all works out)

I would also be mortified if a friend of mine thought I was tight with money, when in fact I may have been working with a limited budget

It could be quite a difference in price.

Say each starter was £7, each main £15, cheese board £10, bottle of wine £18, glass of wine £5, kids' meal £5,

Starter, main, 3 kids' meal - £37
4 starters, 4 mains, cheeseboard, wine, 7 kids' meals - £156 split by 3 - £52

So with the prices typical in the restaurants I eat at, it could have been a difference of £15. She maybe wanted to do something other than pay for your dinner with that money.

I have no idea whether you maths is right lazy

I am just in awe that you could be arsed to work it out

I don't know what the saving was - clearly it was enough for Joan to need to stick to her guns.

I wonder why you think it was up to Joan to say, from the word go, that she could only afford to pay for her and her children's meals. Why wasn't it everyone else's responsibility to say, at the start, that they wants to split the bill three ways, and we're planning to choose wine and cheeseboard as well as the meals?

Surely, if you are planning to get your meal subsidised by your friend, it is only reasonable to give them advance warning? Except that no-one will want to do that, because they want to railroad people at the end of the meal - and many will get away with it because their friends are too polite to object to being taken ofor a mug!

That response was to @Jeaniusly.

Don't go out with a group unless you make it clear what the split will be would be my observation.

No after shocks!

Still dying to know how much Joan saved by not paying for a third of a bottle of wine and a cheeseboard. Anyone, begging now for info.

It was a pub, it could be a Michelin starred pub of course, but it may not have been. So any guesses?

#TeamJoan

I don't understand how any could find her unreasonable. She didn't have any wine or cheese, probably the most expensive things you ordered. Why should she pay for it? I hope this is a reverse because it's sad to think people can be so obnoxious with their own friends.

I once went in a works do where the menu had gone round the office the day before

I didnt drink in those days so my meal worked out to £25 plus tip as i had gone for an expensive meal

My colleague worked hers out to £15

The rest of the wine swilling management orderd copious amounts of wine and at the end announced that the bill would be split...gits

The bill worked out to £20 a head

So i gave my colleague my 'extra' £5

A very poor show on behalf of the management team...or friends

Agree the couple were being absolute tightwads.

@lazy. Well done for working that out on a Saturday night

I have a group of friends that I meet for lunch the first Saturday of each month. Sometimes I drink, sometimes they drink and I don't. We would never dream of asking a non drinker to chip in for alcohol when they're not drinking. Occasionally some get a sharing platter for starters when the rest of us don't fancy a starter, again, the people that order the sharing starter don't expect others to pay for it. and none of us are on a budget It's common sense.

Gosh, providing this isn't a shit reverse, I'm very glad I don't have friends like you

YABU I wouldn't be paying for your wine and cheese. If it was just a couple of quid difference I wouldn't quibble but otherwise no way!

I think it's cheeky for the person who has eaten/drunk the most to say shall we split the bill. The usual is for that person to offer to pay the extra and then the other person to say no it's OK we'll just split it. The couple should absolutely not have suggested splitting the bill three ways. They are two adults. And each should have paid a share. They're the mean scroungers not Joan.

Team Joan