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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend is a tight arse???

575 replies

FataliePorkman · 15/04/2017 18:20

Just been out for lunch with three friends and our DCs- the children all had the same (lunchboxes with a carton drink and then a small crispy cake) but us adults ate/drank varying amounts. Two of the friends are a couple and the other is single like me. Let's call her Joan.

3/4 of us shared a bottle and extra glass of wine and 2 soft drinks. Joan didn't drink as she lives further away from the pub than us so was driving.
We all had a starter and a main course and then we got a chessboard to share between us- but only me and the couple had some. Joan had 3 DC with her, I have 3 DC and the couple have 1 DC.

Anyway the bill came and friend from the couple suggested we split the bill 3 ways equally. I was fine with this, as were the couple. Joan refused and said she would only pay for what her and her DC had.

Awkward tension followed- Joan paid for her meal and her DC while me and my other two friends split the bill.

AIBU to think she is a bit tight??

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
SearchingforGrandparents · 15/04/2017 21:01

So because two of the adults are sleeping together/married, this means they get to pay less? They are not 'one way' they are two mouths!!!

Jeaniusly · 15/04/2017 21:02

@RedDogsBeg

I get you. But would still love to know what the saving was for Joan here, that wouldn't have been paid back on another occasion.

Ok if it was 50 quid or something that would be jaw dropping, but was it less than 5 quid or something.

If others castigate me, that's ok. Joan should have said, Ok folks we pay for our own, everyone ok with that?

I take the point that the others in the group did not say anything. But if I were Joan, that is exactly what I would have said, and have done. But only with colleagues/strangers, not friends, we know the score and have a system that is fair to everyone, give or take a fiver now and then!

RebootYourEngine · 15/04/2017 21:03

I am team joan. I have never split a bill when out for a meal.

When did not wanting to subsidise other peoples spending become someone being tight.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 15/04/2017 21:03

The standard thing round here is to assume you pay for what you consume, with the exception of one or two close friends when we go for a coffee (we take it in turns) or a small meal when it usually approximates half and we split it, but if one of us has more than the other then the one who consumed more suggests we each pay for what we had. With those friends I find it evens over time as we go out every couple of months. But then neither of my close friends nor I would try to take advantage of the other, because we really are friends.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 15/04/2017 21:04

It has to be a bridge dweller or a reverse!

PUGaLUGS · 15/04/2017 21:05

Team Joan here too.

bimbobaggins · 15/04/2017 21:06

Well done Joan! Why is it that the people who have had the most are the ones who want to split the bill

NoSquirrels · 15/04/2017 21:10

Eh, OP is never coming back...

I don't think it matters when you raise the bill paying split or not. Everyone should be prepared to pay for what they consumed... there's no offence to be taken, surely, other than a slight bit of faff calculating? But to create an atmosphere is crap etiquette and downright unfriendly- paying for what you've had is not something to be ashamed of or meek about.

In fact, raising it up front is odd, really - when the bill arrives is the natural talking point, unless you are sharing a bottle of wine or not drinking, when you might mention it. In OPs case, I can quite see why "Joan" didn't mention it - she was driving, there was no question of her drinking, so I expect she thought it was as obvious she'd not be expected to pay for wine.

In the couple's slight defence, perhaps they just can't appreciate how expensive Joan's life must be, being a single mother of 3 when they have (potentially) a dual income and only 1 child. I'd have expected OP though to see the problem!

Handbag101 · 15/04/2017 21:14

Team Joan here!

MaisyPops · 15/04/2017 21:15

think the logic of 3 ways comes from the fact that the couple only have 1 child whereas the 2 single adults have 3 each.

That'd how i read it too.
If that IS the case then Joan may have been tight depending on how much the bill was. 2 extra kids if probably about a similar amount as wine/cheese and I wouldnt quibble a couple of quid. I hate penny pinching when i go out places. Often me abd my friends round up and sling in £15 if it was £13 etc. Or we split the bill if we've all had a sinilarly prices main and wine

BUT, if there was a massive difference between Joan +3 kids and the othes then I'd be on team Joan. Its not fair to expect people subsidise those who order more expensive dishes.

RedDogsBeg · 15/04/2017 21:15

Jeaniusly I too would be interested in how it all worked out but I doubt the OP is coming back to explain it seems to be one of those 'light the blue touch paper and stand well back' threads.

Like you when out with friends we all know the score and I actually have no problem paying for more than I had and just splitting the bill equally but my friends don't take the piss and I'm out enjoying their company, it balances out in the long run. Likewise, I agree with you when out with people I don't normally socialise with I'm up front at the start about the drinks kitty/bill splitting. I think the issue here is Joan thought she was out with friends and didn't expect to be blindsided.

Dragonglass · 15/04/2017 21:17

Team Joan here too!

I've been out for meals with various groups of friends and we have always just paid for own food/drink. We have never split the bill equally and I find it quite strange that some people do tbh.

OnionKnight · 15/04/2017 21:19

I'm on team Joan.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 15/04/2017 21:19

I love this type of thread as they make me feel smug.

I have "special skills". (A maths background.)

I can do a "split with adjustments" on a bill in under 30 seconds.

"Right - basic bill is £24 each including tip. Take off £4 if you didn't have a starter, add on £5 if you had a pudding. Extra £5 if you had wine (you'd be amazed how much soft drinks add up to). And Susie - another £9 from you as you brought 4 kids and everyone else only brought two."

Perhaps I should start hiring myself out for parties?!?

Jeaniusly · 15/04/2017 21:20

Tomorrow it will be someones kid kissing a gerbil, or a parking thread. I love parking threads.

This one is ridiculous. Pay for what you want, say it before the bill arrives, communicate, or get off the pot. As they say LOL.

Anyway, the couple had one kid, the other two had six between them, I think it was ok to split it.

Allthewaves · 15/04/2017 21:22

team joan too

I pay for what I eat

WankingMonkey · 15/04/2017 21:23

As has already been established..I am late to the party but agree YABVU.

At the least should have been split between the 4 adults. She didn't have wine or cheeseboard (whatever the hell that is) and may very well be watching the pennies a bit like most of us.

I don 't really see the issue. I have been out in groups before where everyone just pays for their own stuff..easy enough to do

ddssdd · 15/04/2017 21:24

Shouldn't it have been split four ways? The couples are individuals, who presumably drank alcohol & are some of the chessboard (have an image in my head of the couple eating the pawns & you nibbling on the bishop).

HowSmug · 15/04/2017 21:24

Depends on the restaurant but a lot of places will split the bill for you if you ask beforehand. I lived in Montreal for a couple of years and restaurants would automatically split the bill unless you were obviously with a partner or it was a particularly posh.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 15/04/2017 21:24

If this were a parking thread, we'd all be demanding a diagram.

I demand an Excel spreadsheet

Persemillion · 15/04/2017 21:24

If you are not Joan OP, then AIBU.

Drgonzosattorney · 15/04/2017 21:25

Come on FataliePorkman, you have questions to be answered. Or do you concede that you are a money grabbing erse!

gojettersgo · 15/04/2017 21:27

Team Joan! In that situation, where there is a big discrepancy in what was eaten, I would have said, chuck in whatever you think's right Joan, and we will sort the rest.

Jeaniusly · 15/04/2017 21:29

@RedDogsBeg

I like your thinking. Well I would say that because it is the same as my own!

We know our friends and that is that. With colleagues and other strangers. Be on your guard!

CalebHadToSplit · 15/04/2017 21:34

YABU OP.
Unless orders are pretty identical, I prefer to pay for what I've consumed as well. I do round up quite generously, though.

To think my friend is a tight arse???
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